House of Flacarius. (Part 1)

[Falcarius]

I was bored today, and I wanted to make Dr. Love feel wanted. So, while I read all my posts, looking for posts for Dr. Love to edit for me, I also started quoting the amusing ones to put in here.

The place for all your favourite Flac quotes.

What is your favourite Falcism?

Falc's favourite emotion is 'hope'. Falcarius loves how it's short and sweet. Whenever he thinks of 'hope' he thinks of the bright luring white light of destiny.

Falcarius is as straight as a 14" Oxford lantern on a Pembroke lamp post, [Edited by Flacarius for INTJmom] the bent 12" Oxford on a Donegal bracket.

I used to kiss - on the lips- everyone and everything I met, including our dog, until I was about 5 or 6. But I don't think that counts.

Prostitute: Someone that exchanges sex for money.

By that definition most women are prostitutes. I think I took way too much notice of the "Player's Handbook II" *.

* Geek mode: I always thought the "Player's Handbook II" was a book of rules for Dungeons & Dragons.

Body build, not too skinny nor too fat. If she was too skinny I would worry too much about accidentally popping and breaking her, and if she was too fat I would worry about the opposite.

Falcarius takes the reputation system very seriously, probably too seriously. Every time Falcarius goes on MBTIc the first thing he does is is go on his 'User CP' to check his reputation. The problem is at least once a week he gets reputation, not bad in itself, but he is such an NT he does not know when people send him laughing smilies in the 'reputation message' if it is because they are laughing with him or at him. The thought of everyone laughing at himself makes Falcarius very sad, so he goes into the woodlands to sulk, it is the only form of escapism Falcarius knows of.

It looks like fashion is not the only thing that mirrors the 1980's - in America - the American economy seems to as well; You know with the two recessions in a decade thing.

Falcarius does not need guns. Humans did not give him a Latin name meaning 'sickle cutter' to describe his unwieldy clawed hands for nothing.

When people make eye contact with Falcarius, it makes Falcarius think they want to punch him in the face.

The word name "Falcarius" is Latin, it means "sickle cutter". My parents thought it would give the other dinosaurs an impression of 'muscular masculinity' when they thought of me. Mommy worried about me as I was only little.

No, really. I would have preferred it if my mom let daddy called me 'George', like he wanted to originally. The name 'George' means "farmer", I think the name 'George' goes better with my personality better than the name 'Falcarius'.

When I was in tenth grade, the ESFJ T-Rex in my class kept calling me a "Falc the Fag". I don't have anything against homosexuals, I just don't like being called things I am not. I not the one who had a habit of skipping.

I started to call the ESFJ T-Rex "Tachyoryctes rex" (King Mole Rat), he did not like it as the Triceratops used to laugh at it. The Triceratops kept annoying me as well, they kept saying I was a 'pseudo-vegetarian'. I had only just converted, so I was only a flexitarian at that point in time. The T-rex was after me for the rest of tenth grade. Lucky, I was held back and had to do tenth grade again, as I did not get very high marks in my hunting exams.:steam:

In my second time in tenth grade I used to hang out with Alamosaurus. Alamosaurus was a long-necked, whip-tailed dinosaur. I liked Alamosaurus as he protected me from the T-rex at recess. The T-rex was intimidated by Alamosaurus, as he was into kung fu and he had a dangerous long tail. The only bad thing about hanging out with Alamosaurus was I would always win a 'hide and seek', as he was so big and slow.

Dear, grocery store manager.

I am a frequent visitor to your store, but there is something I just don't get; why are 'regular' noodles more expensive than 'king size' noodles?

I pride myself on being frugal, and when I see the prepossessing packaging I just can't help myself, so I carefully pick up the 'king size' noodles, trying my hardest not to brake the packet with 4 inch claws, and take them to the checkout. When it is supper time I whip out my noodles, and fill it with hot water, that I specially got from the geothermally-heated hot spring. When I eaten 2/3 of the noodles I start feeling sick. I force myself to eat it, as it reminds me of a program I watched on the National Geographic Channel. The program was called the 'Rape of Africa'; it was about an endangered species called humans or something like that. All the black humans were dying out as the Caucasian humans are stealing their food. It was sort of like what happened to the Eurasian red squirrel in Britain, when the evil colonist Eastern Gray Squirrel invaded and displaced the native Red Squirrel.

Before I watched 'Rape of Africa', I thought The Flintstones was a futuristic children's program not reality television. It does not seem very fair that the Caucasian humans from Bedrock, like Fred Flintstone, have this thing - that I have never seen before - called an automobile, and they also have running water from a tap. While, the African people have to walk 8 miles there and back to the next town, carrying anything up to half of there weight, in water and food on their head. Therefore, I don't think I could live with myself if I wasted food when these humans are dying.

You see Mr. grocery store manager, I am not really a bad dinosaur person. It is your silly pricing strategy that drives me to do things that are no better than the things the average Caucasian human or the Eastern Gray Squirrel do. Hopefully, my god - Lord Bambiraptor Feinbergi - will be merciful and forgive me.

I would not have minded if it was a temporary 'loss leader', but this has being going on for a few years now. If I don't stop eating king size noodles I am going to have to go to fat camp with Argentinosaurus , and you will have to live in the knowledge that it was fault I ate too many noodles.

your sincerely,

Monsieur Falcarius Utahensis.

Falcarius wanted plastic surgery up until last year, as he fancied Erketu Ellisoni. She explained to Flacarius her parents would never let her date a therizinosaurian. She also told Falcarius she would not date him as his neck was too small. So Falcarius wanted plastic surgery, as he could not naturally have a extremely long neck, as he is not a sauropod. Falcarius found out he could not have it done on health insurance, so he had to save up. By the time Falcarius saved up the money for the plastic surgery, Erketu had fell in love with Argentinosaurus. Falcarius was heartbroken, as he could not compete with a passionate sexy South American sauropod.

Falcarius realised he needs to be more assertive if anyone is ever going to love him. He learnt the hard way, that if a female does not love him for what he is, it will not work out. He now promises himself to never change himself for any female dinosaur, no matter how good looking she is.