[ISTP] Hopelessly in love

[cooliogirly1000]

with an ISTP.

He's been an ex for almost 2months and I still think about him. We almost got married and he planned to move to where I live. It was a long-distance relationship so there isn't even the odd chance we may bump into eachother. We were absolutely in love with one another but things got ugly. I love him so much, no matter what has happened. Feeling like this really sucks. I have even tried to get over him with rebounds, holidays and I forget him only temporarily but then it returns.

I just want to wake up one day with him completely out of my mind or him beside me. Both seem impossible at the moment.

Do you think he will ever return? I heard once SPs are done, they're done, is this really true?

I'm sorry if this sounds so tragic.

Thanks.

 

[Robert165]

with an ISTP.

He's been an ex for almost 2months and I still think about him. We almost got married and he planned to move to where I live. It was a long-distance relationship so there isn't even the odd chance we may bump into eachother. We were absolutely in love with one another but things got ugly. I love him so much, no matter what has happened. Feeling like this really sucks. I have even tried to get over him with rebounds, holidays and I forget him only temporarily but then it returns.

I just want to wake up one day with him completely out of my mind or him beside me. Both seem impossible at the moment.

Do you think he will ever return? I heard once SPs are done, they're done, is this really true?

I'm sorry if this sounds so tragic.

Thanks.

you'll get over it as time goes by
nothing strage or different about your situation
just keep yourslef busy/distracted
until you get over him

 

[sLiPpY]

Well, typically when I'm done I'm done. But it depends upon the level of trust that was reached, vs. ok why did the relationship break up? Over stupid stuff or was there a betrayal of some kind?

If it were just stupid stuff, normally there's no need to discuss what transpired...just pick up like nothing happened. If things continue to be cool, the return to the previous established level of trust is pretty much automatic.

 

[SillySapienne]

My ISTP and I were on and off for ten years.

If there is substance to your relationship, he'll come back, I promise.

 

[sLiPpY]

My ISTP and I were on and off for ten years.

If there is substance to your relationship, he'll come back, I promise.

I've been teased that it's similar to peeling an onion. i.e. Get back together, ut..oh where'd that next layer come off from.

 

[Sinmara]

It really, really depends on why your relationship ended. If there are unresolved issues or the ending relationship was something he did not agree with, you might be able to pick it up. But if he gave some clear and definite reasons for ending (or you did) and he's the one who left (or the end of your relationship had a definite sense of finality), then I would suggest you start working on moving on.

 

[nomadic]

yea agree with pettycure

why did it end? if u don't mind us asking...

 

[cooliogirly1000]

sry, I don't feel comfortable about this anymore. I'll delete everything and just move on. Thanks to everyone who commented.

 

[nomadic]

wow. i guess the internet is good for diversity of experiences after all... lol

religious differences are hard to overcome for a lot of relationships.

maybe u should also be as strict about intimacy as he does too. i can see how it would be very attractive for him if u were more "strict" about intimacy than he was.

but yeah, it sounds like his roommate has a lot of influence over him. maybe u want to write him a letter saying that u "prayed" for forgiveness for both of your transgressions.

anyways, cool beans. I had a similiar experience with an ex. it can work if u guys just pray together. but i guess the different sect thing might be hard to pray about. but maybe all this difficulty was for a reason, and u just have to pray to find what that reason is...

 

[Halla74]

We were of two different religious sub sects but within the same general group.

I am an ardent individualist. I would NEVER let religious affiliation interfere with a serioos romantic relationship. Organized religion is a tool for human beings to collectively participate in some mutually agreed upon version of what is assumed to be "God's will on Earth." That's all fine and good, great, I love it. BUT - I'll be damned if ANYONE is going to tell me what to do, especially if I love someone.

My wife and I are both of the same religion, but I guarantee you, if we weren't, and there were going to be one or more conflicts from our respective churches/sects, that both of us would choose each other and find a new religion. Can a religious organization start a family with you, keep you warn at night, support you financially and fulfill your need for intimate personal relations? NOPE, none I have ever heard of anyway. people first, churches are an afterthought as far as I'm concerned.

BTW, I am not a heathen, I have a great spiritual outlook on life, but my relationship with God and with other people are managed on my terms. I got over needing other people's approval at around age 3.

 

[King sns]

Aww, I just read why it ended.
This one unfortunately sounds tough to remend. Religion and basic values are a very important part of making a marriage work, as I'm sure you realize. I would suggest at least attempting to get over this guy in the right way, (though its much tougher, you'll have a much better result in the end!)

Cry about it, write letters about it, tear them up, sleep, talk to friends, hot showers. Whatever it takes to make you feel better until it fades a little. I find this to be the most effective way of moving on. Just trudging through every day. No emails or anything to the ex, at any cost. Take care of yourself and be easy on yourself, love yourself and realize that this is a tough time for you.

Even if you do decide to be together in the end, I think that right now you need to take the time to heal, become healthy again, and find out what you really need in a marriage, and take the space so that you can take a step back and become rational and objective again. You may find that he's not exactly what you were looking for.. and you'll find someone even more perfect than you ever imagined! (I know you don't believe that right now.)

 

[Heinel]

Umm... This thread and that vindictive ENFP thread have me very scared of Fi users now... I just had a fallout with one too, I hope I don't get any of this...

 

[sLiPpY]

Religion? ick!

It's difficult for me to relate to a religious ISTP, in fact I haven't met a single one that took it seriously ever...after adulthood was reached.

However, have found it interesting that many ISTP's often know more about differing religions than the individuals who feverently embrace them from a historical and contextual perspective.

What other people believe is fascinating, especially when comparing to how other cultures have approached the same topic. Beyond that when it comes to actually practicing and believing? *ick!*

Which doesn't mean I don't have friends that won't go with their wives occassionally and participate in an "activity" that's more concrete. When I was younger and going to a religious place routinely as part of something the family I grew up in simply did, it was just to hang out and do stuff with people my age vs. any real belief.

I couldn't date someone that expected me to adopt their beliefs.

 

[Halla74]

Religion? ick!

...

I couldn't date someone that expected me to adopt their beliefs.

EXACTLY!!!

 

[countrygirl]

I have to agree with Slippy and Halla on this. Say goood bye and let him go. If it is so important to have someone with the same belief perhaps you can ask members of your church to help you with finding a spouse.

 

[Halla74]

I have to agree with Slippy and Halla on this. Say goood bye and let him go. If it is so important to have someone with the same belief perhaps you can ask members of your church to help you with finding a spouse.

Yeah, preferably a wealthy and generous one, with a low IQ, and maybe a severe heart condition.

 

[jenocyde]

It's difficult for me to relate to a religious ISTP, in fact I haven't met a single one that took it seriously ever...after adulthood was reached.

I dated a religious ISTP. It was definitely surreal. It seemed like he picked and chose what tenets to hold fast to and what he would ditch according to what was convenient for him. But I guess everyone does that in some way, to some extent.

I couldn't date someone that expected me to adopt their beliefs.

yeah, the quote below bugs me:

I wanted to marry him regardless and eventually come to a compromise together. I loved him so much that being different sects didn't matter anymore. I assumed he would gain more knowledge and come to realise my sect was the correct path.

...it doesn't seem like you really wanted compromise at all, you just wanted your own way.

Umm... This thread and that vindictive ENFP thread have me very scared of Fi users now... I just had a fallout with one too, I hope I don't get any of this...

Ok, but back to the OP... Out of curiosity, what religion and sect are you talking about?

As far as being hopelessly in love, it sounds like you are hopelessly obsessed. What was once love has become something twisted and distorted due to your pain and rejection. I think the only thing you can do is take all that love you used to have for him and turn it to yourself and to your faith. Get outside of your own mind and your own problems and go volunteer with kids who have cancer. Put these things in perspective.

One man on this planet left you. There are 6 billion people on this earth, one of whom will show you all the love and respect that you deserve. In the meantime, try to find ways to love yourself. Just because one man doesn't see the beauty in you, it doesn't mean that you don't have any beauty.

 

[toast]

I've been teased that it's similar to peeling an onion. i.e. Get back together, ut..oh where'd that next layer come off from.

Oh god, you guys are such onions. I actually had a dream once that my ISTP was stripping for me & wouldn't take anything off until I looked away uninterested. I woke up and realized that was so reflective of the whole relationship. Time and no entitlement/expectation and the layers come off.

I can't imagine a "religious" ISTP. Seems like a pretty agnostic type. I can imagine one believing in something, but not being very into it. That's kind of scary.

I kind of like how ISTPs just let you believe whatever you want when it comes to philosophical or religious ideas. Kind of sucks that they won't talk about them, but they don't really get down on you about them like they would about technical; practical matters, but they just sort of accept that they are part of you and even take care not to say anything that would seem like they are impeding.

 

[sLiPpY]

Wow, toast got it!

n' what an interesting dream