INTJMom
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2007
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- MBTI Type
- INTJ
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- 5w4
ok... I'm going to try not to censor myself before I put it down and I seriously need some advice. I'll try to keep it short.
I had a best friend who is an ISFP. I had her up on a pedestal - as INTJs often do - and I had a lot of respect for what I perceived was her intelligence based on one day when she explained to me all the trouble she had to go through to prepare food for her son who was allergic to almost everything you can buy in a grocery store. I had decided she must be a rocket scientist to do all that she did for her son. I met her about 10 years ago and we were only casual acquaintances for a long time.
Fast forward to 3.5 years ago when my husband died, she came back into my life after an absence of several years. We started spending time together a couple times a month, we would get together and watch movies, and we spoke often on the phone. She was now my best friend.
Fast forward to this summer... I don't know if there was a single incident that sent her over the edge or if it's a genetic predisposition, but she lost her marbles. I mean she went totally out of her mind... She lost her job... she lost her kids... steeped in paranoia... doesn't trust anyone she knows... and total strangers are conspiring against her... her kids are in a conspiracy against her too... and finally I got added to the list of people she didn't trust... which was basically every human being who cares about her.
She sent me a text message saying that I had lied to her and I was "the worst mind-f***er of them all". That really hurt me. I consider it one of the worst insults someone can accuse me of. I hate mind games. She twisted things I said. I know she wasn't in her right mind, but it hurt anyway. I figured she would never trust me again, so I grieved the loss of our friendship. I divorced myself emotionally from her. And after a bit of time of evaluating our relationship, she fell down off that pedestal. I remembered all the really foolish decisions I have seen her make over the years (when she was in her right mind) and I realized that I don't respect her anymore. I will never trust her again because at any time she can just flip her lid again.
So she called me on the phone last week. I wasn't going to answer but I couldn't remember why not. She said she had just called to say hi. My better angels rose up and I decided to congratulate her on her new twin grandbabies (her daughter and my daughter are best friends). I updated her on how my kids are doing and then I asked her about herself and her kids. She said she missed me and I said I missed her too... which is true because I no longer have a best friend and I did so much enjoy our friendship. While I was on the phone with her, I couldn't remember that she had called me a mind-f***er.
Anyhow, after Hurricane Sandy she called and left me a message asking me if my friends in Maryland are ok. I haven't called her back. I don't want to be her friend. I'm not sure I have properly forgiven her.
OK... here's my real problem... I'm afraid if I tell her what I really would like to tell her, it will send her into a tailspin and she might kill herself. I am not exaggerating... this is a real possibility. She is NOT back to normal... she is still paranoid... as a matter of fact she thinks the hospital is in a conspiracy against her and her daughter didn't have twins... she only had one baby. (I saw a picture of the twins in a photo a few minutes ago.) I don't want her back in my life. I don't respect her and I don't trust her.
What do I say to her? Even if I just ignore her there's a chance she will call me or text me. What do I say that won't make her suicidal?
I had a best friend who is an ISFP. I had her up on a pedestal - as INTJs often do - and I had a lot of respect for what I perceived was her intelligence based on one day when she explained to me all the trouble she had to go through to prepare food for her son who was allergic to almost everything you can buy in a grocery store. I had decided she must be a rocket scientist to do all that she did for her son. I met her about 10 years ago and we were only casual acquaintances for a long time.
Fast forward to 3.5 years ago when my husband died, she came back into my life after an absence of several years. We started spending time together a couple times a month, we would get together and watch movies, and we spoke often on the phone. She was now my best friend.
Fast forward to this summer... I don't know if there was a single incident that sent her over the edge or if it's a genetic predisposition, but she lost her marbles. I mean she went totally out of her mind... She lost her job... she lost her kids... steeped in paranoia... doesn't trust anyone she knows... and total strangers are conspiring against her... her kids are in a conspiracy against her too... and finally I got added to the list of people she didn't trust... which was basically every human being who cares about her.
She sent me a text message saying that I had lied to her and I was "the worst mind-f***er of them all". That really hurt me. I consider it one of the worst insults someone can accuse me of. I hate mind games. She twisted things I said. I know she wasn't in her right mind, but it hurt anyway. I figured she would never trust me again, so I grieved the loss of our friendship. I divorced myself emotionally from her. And after a bit of time of evaluating our relationship, she fell down off that pedestal. I remembered all the really foolish decisions I have seen her make over the years (when she was in her right mind) and I realized that I don't respect her anymore. I will never trust her again because at any time she can just flip her lid again.
So she called me on the phone last week. I wasn't going to answer but I couldn't remember why not. She said she had just called to say hi. My better angels rose up and I decided to congratulate her on her new twin grandbabies (her daughter and my daughter are best friends). I updated her on how my kids are doing and then I asked her about herself and her kids. She said she missed me and I said I missed her too... which is true because I no longer have a best friend and I did so much enjoy our friendship. While I was on the phone with her, I couldn't remember that she had called me a mind-f***er.
Anyhow, after Hurricane Sandy she called and left me a message asking me if my friends in Maryland are ok. I haven't called her back. I don't want to be her friend. I'm not sure I have properly forgiven her.
OK... here's my real problem... I'm afraid if I tell her what I really would like to tell her, it will send her into a tailspin and she might kill herself. I am not exaggerating... this is a real possibility. She is NOT back to normal... she is still paranoid... as a matter of fact she thinks the hospital is in a conspiracy against her and her daughter didn't have twins... she only had one baby. (I saw a picture of the twins in a photo a few minutes ago.) I don't want her back in my life. I don't respect her and I don't trust her.
What do I say to her? Even if I just ignore her there's a chance she will call me or text me. What do I say that won't make her suicidal?
