[ESTP] Help cheering up an ESTP?

[miss fortune]

My man's best friend is an ESTP, and he's a good friend of mine as well- this man is just about the world's most stereotypical ESTP, and when he's feeling good things are on top of the world!

Unfortunatly now, things aren't going all so well. His buisness is having some trouble at the moment and his girlfriend kicked him out because he'd lost that ZIP! in his personality that she'd fallen in love with and now he's staying in our spare room. People are commenting that "this is the most down I've ever seen F!"

He HAS lost most of his zip... no more random jokes, not nearly as much smiling, no spring in his step... I'm just wondering how to go about setting him back on the path of good cheer? When he's feeling good things all seem to turn around- I'm just asking for some suggestions to turn things in the right way for him- he's a great guy and it's kind of sad to see him wandering around like a ghost!

 

[une_autre]

I strongly suggest using logical arguments. When I am down, this really works for me - unfortunately, there are not too many people who figured this out.

Maybe some supportive talk which has lots of valid arguments to why his life is not going to end here. Because you just can't beat reason, not for an ESTP anyway.

 

[ColonelGadaafi]

Do something exciting and fun to do, an activity, that would force him to go into Se fun mode(in order to make him more receiving to the next step). And remind him that this is not the end of things, also add some positive motivation and appeal to his sense of logic.

 

[miss fortune]

Yeah- I was pointing out to him that he's pouting and it's not doing him any good... he agreed

Was thinking of playing games tonight- something where he can be competitive and such...

thanks!

 

[JocktheMotie]

Take him on a raging bender. I have an ESTP friend and when he was a bit in the dumps, a bunch of us took him out, got hammered, played some insanely violent games of laser-tag, were asked to leave, then slept on a baseball field.

Once he gets some positive energy in him, it's like a positive feedback loop and they can go into bulldozer mode and fix everything about their lives in like two seconds flat. That's what he did.

 

[Halla74]

This sounds likely a juncture in his life that is his first prolonged depression. For an ESTP, that's a big deal. It's not in his nature to be down, and to not have the will to fight out of it. Such peril hit me last year. In my case it was personal matters and my job, just like his, so I am feeling a little qualified to spec this out, but must point out I am not a professional and not liable for any commentary issued here.

I'll cut to the chase. After moping around for a couple of months, laying by the pool and watching the sky, and just barely meeting my obligations at school and work, I got pissed at myself. I went to my shrink and my M.D. and both agreed I was clinically depressed. This is the point in time when me, Mr. ESTP, was instructed by my shrink that I was "feelings retarded." He was right. Dead on. I had to "make decisions with my feelings" and that was a completely alien conceopt for me, especially when so much was on the line.

My M.D. gave me Lexapro. I took it for 2 days and then flushed it. That shit sucks. So I thought..and I thought...and I thought...and then I figured out what it was that was upsetting me.

THEN - the magic came when I decided on HOW I FELT ABOUT IT ALL and then DEVISED A PLAN OF ACTION for each dilemma.

I then executed both plans of action. VOILA Depression lifted. No shit. Because I identifed the monsters in the fog that were troubling me, and then I searched them out, and then I slammed a spear through each of their necks, and I was back to my zippy, joking, happy-ass self in no time at all.

How's that sound?

 

[miss fortune]

sounds like a good plan... now it's just the question of how to get him to do that! I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that he's now stuck in a house with 2 people who are each one letter off of his type now either (ENTP and ISTP) since NONE of us are the type who want to discuss feelings!

Of course, he and I have the habit of hitting bad times at the same time, and have benefited by discussing it and that we SHOULD get off of our asses and do some plotting (though that was more minor than this) so perhaps I should try and take that approach this time...

the ISTP has the habit of asking people to logically list their problems and brainstorms with them as to how to fix them- a helpful approach, but certainly not a pat on the back

I think that they're planning on having a great time watching the playoffs together though- with me probably providing the food (I'm a soccer watching girl and have never gotten the hang of watching american football) so hopefully that puts him in a better mood a'la Jock to deal with things!

thanks for the suggestions!

 

[Halla74]

sounds like a good plan... now it's just the question of how to get him to do that!

Ah ha. You've identified the problem in the MASTER PLAN. He will have to come to this realization on his own.

I think that they're planning on having a great time watching the playoffs together though- with me probably providing the food (I'm a soccer watching girl and have never gotten the hang of watching american football) so hopefully that puts him in a better mood a'la Jock to deal with things!

I knew I liked you for the right reasons. I've never watched an entire (American) football game in my life. I watched a shitload of soccer. That's what happens when you're an Army brat that grows up in Germany! umpyouup:

thanks for the suggestions!

No problem, I'm glad to help out my ESTP Bro!

BTW, What kind of a bitch is his girlfriend for asking him to move out because he's going through a rough time? I'd call her on the phone and tell her that her cunt smells. She sounds like a total whore. End of rant.

 

[stellar renegade]

BTW, What kind of a bitch is his girlfriend for asking him to move out because he's going through a rough time? I'd call her on the phone and tell her that her cunt smells. She sounds like a total whore. End of rant.

AGREED! It's like, what the fuck, dude? Can't she just hire a friggin' clown to fuck? She was probably cheating on him on the side, too. Bitch. She seriously needs to get whipped.

As for when I went through depression, other people had to tell me I was depressed, just like Halla. I also found my way out the exact same way he did.

Is it universal then that depression for an ESTP involves being in a fog you don't quite understand? Cuz that's totally what it was for me. I had no idea what my feelings meant, but once I realized what they were all about, it took very little time at all for me to root it out, considering I was depressed for a few years.

Also, a very practical solution would be to get him to take some St. John's Wort. That shit works, for real. It knocks the shit out of your depression. But get the LIQUID kind, not the pill form! The pill form ain't worth shit. It helped me a little at first but then it wore off after awhile.

In fact if you take too much of the liquid form you seriously start tripping out. It's amazing but not great for when you're going to work.

I took probably one and a half times the dose I should've once and on the way to work I felt like I'd found the secret to the entire universe and that with just a little more effort I could manipulate physical objects around me like the Matrix. I also started laughing a hell of a lot.

No joke. And then one time I took too much o' that shit and I instinctively knew I had to go run it off cuz all a-sudden I had WAY too much pent-up energy. I started walking down a trail through a park and talking complete utter nonsense, only to see an old black dude like fifty yards away sitting on his porch laughing his ass off at me.

So, only take one dropper full, and maybe less, cuz lemme tellya, I'm a tall fucker and I probably absorb that shit like it's water.

But yeah, it makes you happy as shit, and energizes you full-force. Puts you in ESTP mode, basically. Take that shit and your life will be back on track in no time. That's all it took for me, and that's when I decided it was finally time to get my shit together and rocket up here to Seattle, which I did.

All that happened last spring, and I moved up here last October. And I'm rockin' it like nobody's business.

Every once in awhile we ALL need a good kick in the pants.

Also, he needs proper sleep. When I don't get my proper rest I DO NOT act like my good ol' ESTP self. When I do, people never know what hit 'em. After I leave they all shake their heads and say, "Who WAS that shaggy-haired man, anyway?"

But don't get TOO much sleep of course, cuz that only makes you more tired and wastes time for no good reason. I had to learn that the hard way.

 

[miss fortune]

*note to self... drug the ESTP*



yeah- I fear that watching football will be his selection of something to cheer himself up this evening... which is my idea of living hell

maybe I'll pelt him with paper airplanes... THAT tends to cheer him up!

 

[Halla74]

AGREED! It's like, what the fuck, dude? Can't she just hire a friggin' clown to fuck? She was probably cheating on him on the side, too. Bitch. She seriously needs to get whipped.

I'd read that clown fucking tramp the riot act.

As for when I went through depression, other people had to tell me I was depressed, just like Halla. I also found my way out the exact same way he did.

Is that not bizarre as hell? Everyone knew except us!

Is it universal then that depression for an ESTP involves being in a fog you don't quite understand? Cuz that's totally what it was for me. I had no idea what my feelings meant, but once I realized what they were all about, it took very little time at all for me to root it out, considering I was depressed for a few years.

Yes, FOG is exactly it, hardly the clarity of the world we are so used to surfing through with fun, ease, and style. It fucking sucked. I hated it. The day I found out I was clinically depressed, and accepted it, my head exploded, I was a complete mess, I was so pissed and sad and felt hopeless and went from crying to wanting to grab something and tear it apart to just wanting to bury myself in my bed and forget the world existed, all within an hour. I was so damn happy there was a liquor store nearby. I drowned myself in Jack Daniels that day, and I'm pretty sure I ate a fair amount of Xanax. It still didn't put me down, it just got me to where I could sit still and start the journey of figuring it all out, which took some time, maybe a few weeks, at most a month, and then once I knew thie usse I solved that shit and jumped out of it like Superman.

Also, a very practical solution would be to get him to take some St. John's Wort. That shit works, for real. It knocks the shit out of your depression. But get the LIQUID kind, not the pill form! The pill form ain't worth shit. It helped me a little at first but then it wore off after awhile.

The liquit St.JW. is dope!

Every once in awhile we ALL need a good kick in the pants.

Well said!

Also, he needs proper sleep. When I don't get my proper rest I DO NOT act like my good ol' ESTP self. When I do, people never know what hit 'em. After I leave they all shake their heads and say, "Who WAS that shaggy-haired man, anyway?"

Why is it that our default mode of engagement for everything is hyper-overdrive? Seriously. If I do anything, I do it balls to the wall, I don't half ass anything, I either PWN it or don't even bother with it. I'm here to win. Fuck second place, I don't look good in silver. But in doing so at some point we exhaust the fuck out of ourselves, and then we end up getting bitch slapped by life and fucking a few things up, and then we go "SHIT!" and scramble it all together again a little more cautiously than before, but as soon as we get our bearings straight again...off we go!

But don't get TOO much sleep of course, cuz that only makes you more tired and wastes time for no good reason. I had to learn that the hard way.

That usually ends in sunburn for me.

*note to self... drug the ESTP*

"Drug" is such a harsh word, I prefer "chemically assist."

yeah- I fear that watching football will be his selection of something to cheer himself up this evening... which is my idea of living hell

Sounds like its time for a girl's night out!

maybe I'll pelt him with paper airplanes... THAT tends to cheer him up!

Those are fun to get pelted by, but what he really, really wants is shaving cream and or eggs smattered on him full on with no mercy...INDOORS. My friend Aaron and I have attacked each other like that ruthlessly for years and it always ends in hysterical laughter. :yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[fill]

*note to self... drug the ESTP*

Yeah. That does work. Just speaking from experience here.

 

[miss fortune]

actually, the girlfriend is one of my better friends and she kicked him out for another reason that was kind of his fault... they both have really strong personalities and get in power struggles on a frequent basis. He was already renting half of the house and not showing up (he rents here and stayed there for free, so it was a complicated situation)

too much drama really

So just getting him to realize the situation and DO something about it is really the key here? Pretty similar to with an ENTP really... which means that the real challenge is just feeling motivated enough to feel like doing something (which, ironically, will cheer you up )

He's usually busy getting into rubber band shooting wars with people, though we've gotten into an ice cube fight while driving in the past! I think this may slightly horrify the poor ISTP, who wonders what sane people would DO such a thing

Definitley tormenting him then..... and encouraging him to get things together in a way...

and no girls night for me, I fear... all my female friends are watching the playoffs as well

 

[stellar renegade]

Is that not bizarre as hell? Everyone knew except us!

I knoooooowwww! riiight? And trouble is they'd tell me but I never believed them... cuz I always know better, of course...

I'm at a point in life where I'm having to start listening to other people... an EXTREMELY hard lesson for me to learn.

Yes, FOG is exactly it, hardly the clarity of the world we are so used to surfing through with fun, ease, and style. It fucking sucked. I hated it.

YUP!

I wrote a kinda lame poem about it, which sucked because I hadn't written poetry in years, but basically it described feeling like I was floating in some shitty muddy water where I couldn't tell which way was up and didn't know what I felt or if I even cared about being that way or not... now THAT'S depressed.

I also think when we ESTPs get suicidal (if we ever do - I was never truly serious about it) we do for a different reason. Basically the reason I was depressed was because I felt horribly and inescapably trapped, and like nothing exciting would ever happen again:

"On the other hand 'ennui' is how the Artisans become 'depressed.' The Artisan 'ennui' is akin to boredom -- grey and fog filled. Nothing exciting will ever happen again. It scares the Artisan."
--David Mark Keirsey (Dr. Keirsey's son)

I took the color quiz online several times and every time it said that I yearned for more freedom. That's always been the theme with me. I was raised in a pretty religiously strict household, which accounts for my reservations in life.

Well I was trying to think up the most painless ways of offing myself so I could get it done as quick as possible just so I could see what was on the other side (which HAS to be exciting, right? no matter what it is) cuz I hated the dreariness of my life.

Messed up, huh?

Probably the biggest reason I didn't, though, was because I always thought about how it would make everyone around me feel. Not that I'm naturally empathetic but thinking that everyone loves me that much just made me wanna stick around a little longer, y'know?

The day I found out I was clinically depressed, and accepted it, my head exploded, I was a complete mess, I was so pissed and sad and felt hopeless and went from crying to wanting to grab something and tear it apart to just wanting to bury myself in my bed and forget the world existed, all within an hour. I was so damn happy there was a liquor store nearby. I drowned myself in Jack Daniels that day, and I'm pretty sure I ate a fair amount of Xanax.

Oooooh, too familiar. When we get upset, you better watch out.

I rarely EVER cry, but when I do it's like an explosive geyser. Mostly I was lonely and didn't feel like, no matter how hard I worked, I had the ability to hang out with cronies and have a blast. That's an innate need that I have, I realized. I had been fed that whole "you need to be an individual" propaganda shit my whole life but eventually I realized that it's not a bad thing to need to hang out with wild fucking hooligans like yourself who just wanna rip everything apart and make the ceiling cave in with their crazy antics.

It still didn't put me down, it just got me to where I could sit still and start the journey of figuring it all out, which took some time, maybe a few weeks, at most a month, and then once I knew thie usse I solved that shit and jumped out of it like Superman.

hahahaha, right on. As long as I'm not tired, it's almost impossible knock me out.

For me, the "journey of figuring it all out" involved, at first, me walking around trying to figure out the existential meaning of life. That was always a dead end, so I ended up just going with the St. John's Wort and running around tearing shit up. Man, I tore Wal-Mart apart, hahaha. I created an uproar every night I worked there. When I finally left everyone said, "It's just not gonna be the same after you leave..."

But I had to do that shit. I realized it was the only thing that was gonna lift me outta my funk. I've been taught to stand in line and act all composed my entire fucking life and I can't stand it. THAT'S NOT WHO I FUCKING AM, WORLD!

hahaha, I totally freak people out. But I mostly charm everyone with my shameless boldness and incomparably intense love of life.

haha, once I was riding a cart down the aisle like it was a scooter or some shit and stopped just in time before I skated past the meanest, bitchiest manager we had! She was stocking in an aisle in pharmacy and I was surprised she had no fucking clue what I'd just been doing. I got away with murder there, for real. hahahaha.

The liquit St.JW. is dope!

High five, bro! (It literally IS dope )

You used to take that shit, too?

Why is it that our default mode of engagement for everything is hyper-overdrive? Seriously. If I do anything, I do it balls to the wall, I don't half ass anything, I either PWN it or don't even bother with it. I'm here to win. Fuck second place, I don't look good in silver. But in doing so at some point we exhaust the fuck out of ourselves, and then we end up getting bitch slapped by life and fucking a few things up, and then we go "SHIT!" and scramble it all together again a little more cautiously than before, but as soon as we get our bearings straight again...off we go!

YEPPPPP! Wow, exactly.

I'm way too careless sometimes. I find I have to incorporate just a bit of logistics (SJ-style living) in order for my tactics to even have a chance at surviving.

Cuz shit, all those bills and living arrangements can last till the last minute for all I care!

That usually ends in sunburn for me.

You fucking Floridian. Send a little sun our way to the cloud-covered skies of Seattle, willya?

Why the fuck did I even move here? Just kidding, I'm sure it'll clear up a bit in the next coupla months.

"Drug" is such a harsh word, I prefer "chemically assist."

Shit, you can get away with anything just by changing the wording a bit.

Those are fun to get pelted by, but what he really, really wants is shaving cream and or eggs smattered on him full on with no mercy...INDOORS. My friend Aaron and I have attacked each other like that ruthlessly for years and it always ends in hysterical laughter. :yim_rolling_on_the_

Hey, they should play capture the flag with eggs in the woods! My friends and I did that in high school and we had a fucking blast.