Argus
New member
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2008
- Messages
- 658
- MBTI Type
- ENTP
I didn't sleep tonight.
My relationship with my father is becoming increasingly convoluted, as is my bitterness towards him. If the rate of relational decline continues its current trajectory I'll need to move out before winter is over. One big X. Not a problem though, I have enough people willing to give me a place to stay to keep me floating for months.
My father is an old man set on a clear path with no reason to look around on the way to the pointless end. His way of thinking has got him this far, no reason to change anything now. Better draw some conclusions.
Congratulations, you built a family from nothing. You provided me every opportunity the world has to offer in exchange that I bow down at your feet. You gave me everything, so who am I to question you? And you wonder why I would choose a life of destitute.
Once, he asked me where I am in life and what I would like him to pray about for me at his bible study - my friend sitting next to me, both of us on the computer, a TV show we were watching in the background; what excellent timing. I didn't answer him. I didn't even look at him. But he pressed on, he even gave me some ideas. I'm glad he got the answers he was looking for.
Pray that there is something to pray to. Pray that I get some life in me. Pray that I don't grow up treating my wife and children with the same prideful ignorance so graciously bestowed upon us.
Where am I in life? I live in my parents basement with no job after recently dropping out of college only to soon after be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I spend the day sleeping and the night hanging out with a few friends to keep me sane, then the rest spent on the computer where I listen to music with minor key tonality and lectures on philosophy, history, the body, and the brain. Occasionally my mind lapses into itself and I drop into a deep existential depression. I can despise anything for any reason - the media, the church, the market, the government, relationships.
My father repeatedly and blindly says with a touch of conceit that I will "be surprised how everything would improve if I were to get on a "normal" sleeping schedule." What a cute and simple world he lives in. I mean clearly, all I need is to sleep between the hours of 11:00 and 7:00! Of course! Brilliant!
Yes, some of what was written above is perhaps a little theatrical. Call it a literary augmentation. But I'll leave you, my reader, with a quote from my mother that I'll remember the rest of my life. This is not altered.
"You need to be the bigger man, Charlie. You and I both know that he is wrong but there's nothing we can do to show him that. He's stuck in his ways and he'll never listen. He'll just turn us into the bad guys. I'm tired of being the bad guy. I'm tired of being belittled and spoken down to like a child... just let him win."
Welcome to the family.
My relationship with my father is becoming increasingly convoluted, as is my bitterness towards him. If the rate of relational decline continues its current trajectory I'll need to move out before winter is over. One big X. Not a problem though, I have enough people willing to give me a place to stay to keep me floating for months.
My father is an old man set on a clear path with no reason to look around on the way to the pointless end. His way of thinking has got him this far, no reason to change anything now. Better draw some conclusions.
Congratulations, you built a family from nothing. You provided me every opportunity the world has to offer in exchange that I bow down at your feet. You gave me everything, so who am I to question you? And you wonder why I would choose a life of destitute.
Once, he asked me where I am in life and what I would like him to pray about for me at his bible study - my friend sitting next to me, both of us on the computer, a TV show we were watching in the background; what excellent timing. I didn't answer him. I didn't even look at him. But he pressed on, he even gave me some ideas. I'm glad he got the answers he was looking for.
Pray that there is something to pray to. Pray that I get some life in me. Pray that I don't grow up treating my wife and children with the same prideful ignorance so graciously bestowed upon us.
Where am I in life? I live in my parents basement with no job after recently dropping out of college only to soon after be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I spend the day sleeping and the night hanging out with a few friends to keep me sane, then the rest spent on the computer where I listen to music with minor key tonality and lectures on philosophy, history, the body, and the brain. Occasionally my mind lapses into itself and I drop into a deep existential depression. I can despise anything for any reason - the media, the church, the market, the government, relationships.
My father repeatedly and blindly says with a touch of conceit that I will "be surprised how everything would improve if I were to get on a "normal" sleeping schedule." What a cute and simple world he lives in. I mean clearly, all I need is to sleep between the hours of 11:00 and 7:00! Of course! Brilliant!
Yes, some of what was written above is perhaps a little theatrical. Call it a literary augmentation. But I'll leave you, my reader, with a quote from my mother that I'll remember the rest of my life. This is not altered.
"You need to be the bigger man, Charlie. You and I both know that he is wrong but there's nothing we can do to show him that. He's stuck in his ways and he'll never listen. He'll just turn us into the bad guys. I'm tired of being the bad guy. I'm tired of being belittled and spoken down to like a child... just let him win."
Welcome to the family.
]
