Have been trying to cut down on foruming to be more productive but am back to try and get the last word in, of course.
Kiersey describes ENTPs as "keen judges of the pragmatics of both social and technological organization, and often become expert at improving relationships between means and ends".
Also "And they are skilled at engineering human relationships and human systems, quickly grasping the politics of institutions and always aiming to understand people within the system rather than to judge them."
I have no doubt this is the case and the point wasn't to make ENTPs seem like peopletards. Can I say I made that word up?
You have Fe which is quite useful in that regard. All the ENTPs I know are very charming in real life and online (albeit awkward and shy and a little misunderstood for the real life ones).
The point I was trying to make was - I'm not sure if ENTPs see their people skills as a core competency. Therefore, I see ENTPs at least to be less likely to define themselves by these skills and the intuition regarding other people's motivations and their empathy which seems to be at at the core of the ENFP being.
Since ENFPs define themselves by their intuition regarding other people and their empathy, criticism in the personal realm strikes much closer to home than it may for an ENTP - more speculation on my behalf. It questions a core competency for an ENFP that I don't see quite in the same way for an ENTP.
I got the people people bit defining ENFPs from typelogic. It just stuck in my mind.
ENFP
ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole.
But to further your point about separating the sinner from the sin, it's virtually impossible to say something about a personal characteristic that isn't personal. I know no way around that.
I think it's about the perception here. The suggestion was a practical one - goal oriented. I can understand why you would see pointing to behavior as no different from criticism of the personality. I think it can be perceived differently by different people. At my end, I know if a concrete example of a behavior is provided that I can change, I will keep that in mind and take it less personally than a blanket statement. Also, I'd like to conduct my own inductive analysis and make my own big picture about the situation. This may be a difference in perception between the types. I lean more F in this area. I'll let the other ENFPs weigh in as to whether it works better for them as well if what is pointed out is a concrete behavior.
This happens with my INFJ brother quite a bit. Months after something has happened, he will bring it up as a generalized statement, "you make me feel like X". A few years ago, I'd be mortified and probably take it personally. I've worked a lot on not doing that. He is so good at bottling stuff up that I know when he says something, it must have taken such effort and he must really be affected by it. I do listen carefully and ask him to provide some concrete examples of situations where something I did (or didn't do) made him feel that way. When he does, most of the time, I realize these were occasions where mostly a small behavior alteration on my part could have avoided these unintended circumstances. I'm less likely to take it personally because I don't get caught up in his big picture presentation of the problem or see it as a personal attack coming out of nowhere (been there done that) but can step away, make my own big picture analysis and resolve to correct those behaviors in the future. Perhaps it's also a little about control in doing our own analysis of our behaviors.
That being said, to all the dissenters: we all have our "flaws" and "faults", all of us. The fact that we notice it and point it out when asked (see thread title) is not indicative of judgment. Merely observation. If it doesn't apply to any of you specifically, simply disregard it.
Of course, I don't think anyone is taking what's written here personally. It would be hard to do that.
Jeno - I do think, now having read your migraine example that the friend you speak of needs serious help. That's terrible. That's just so beyond the pale of neediness and insecurity that I've come across in my life in my interactions with any type.
ENFPs, while needing more reassurance, are also very independent and hate to be controlled or control. Neediness is unattractive (in themselves and others). They may smother if totally excited about you but the moment there is an indication that their enthusiastic gestures are not desired, a healthier ENFP would just stop whatever they were doing to cause that reaction and let you to take the next step.
From Kiersey
"People get caught up and entranced by an ENFP. Yet this type is marked with a fierce independence, repudiating any kind of subordination, either in themselves or in others in relation to them. They do tend to attribute more power to authority figures than is there and give over to these figures an ability to "see through" them-which also is not apt to be there. While ENFPs resist the notion of others becoming dependent or having power over them, their charisma draws followers who wish to be shown the way. ENFPs constantly find themselves surrounded by others who look toward the ENFP for wisdom, inspiration, courage, leadership, and so on-an expectancy which, at times, weighs rather heavily on an ENFP. "
I certainly don't go around criticising my ENFP friends, I am merely venting with you guys about patterns I have noticed, and that others have noticed as well. Not every ENFP (or person) is evolved enough to follow the "rules" and there are more than a fair share that react with defense at any perceived slight, regardless of how true it is.
Sure.
If I was any more of a people person, I'd have to hire me a PR dude/ette.
Now, now Q - someone as charming as yourself wouldn't need a PR person, would you? PR dudes/dudettes, in my opinion, are hired by celebrities less able to present their own image in a positive manner and less able to douse image fires. I'm sure you have no such troubles.
Hell, you do know how to flatter an ENFP 
It's quite embarrassing, to be honest...
