[INTP] Female INTPs-What do they look like?

[TopherRed]

Mmm, interesting.

She's pretty close to what I'd pictured actually.

Just let it be known, I didn't ask for pics, they were posted.

And, if I can be stereotypically male for just a second--very attractive.

 

[Zoom]

That is someone playing an INTP role, so unless the actress herself is an INTP as well that is not an actual example, hot or otherwise.

One thing I've noticed with the few INTP females I've seen is that you can see a smile first in their eyes, then through the curving of lips.

 

[TopherRed]

That is someone playing an INTP role, so unless the actress herself is an INTP as well that is not an actual example, hot or otherwise.

One thing I've noticed with the few INTP females I've seen is that you can see a smile first in their eyes, then through the curving of lips.

Hmm, didn't even know she was an actress.

 

[Salomé]

I think that's where the conflict you see in those threads came up. Some don't want to adapt to society or think they've adapted just fine. They take umbrage at the very idea that some dude would tait upon himself to even try. The rebuffed efforts at reform make for some bruised egos, it seems. And the relationship/thread goes to hell.

Yup. I think it's a bad match. Keirsey put intp/enfj together but I think it only works for male intps. They are pretty conventionally masculine and enfj women are pretty conventionally feminine. INTP women are probably the least conventional types going, however. They are furiously independent too and resent any kind of judgement/attempts to control. That rubs up against that J pretty badly. I think we do better with ENFP males. That seems to be a common pairing.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Yup. I think it's a bad match. Keirsey put intp/enfj together but I think it only works for male intps. They are pretty conventionally masculine and enfj women are pretty conventionally feminine. INTP women are probably the least conventional types going, however. They are furiously independent too and resent any kind of judgement/attempts to control. That rubs up against that J pretty badly. I think we do better with ENFP males. That seems to be a common pairing.

Agree here. If there were ever any type that could turn the inflated balloon that is the ENFJ male Knight-in-Shining-Armor syndrome into a perfect reenactment of the Hindenburg, it's a female INTP.

 

[Totenkindly]

Interesting, thank you for the feedback Jennifer.

No problemo.

I liked Tallulah's comments too. I can be very playful; other times I seem more business; I go into "assess/eval" mode if you want to understand my reasoning; and generally I try to keep a connection with people even if underneath it I still have some detachment. (My natural self as a teen was to sit quietly in a room, observe everyone without saying a word, and figure out "who they were" and sometimes my inner conclusions were very critical/scathing, due to inconsistencies in personality.)

You're going to see a spectrum of behavior across a "type" just like with every type. The more Ti+Si style INTP women are going to be more autonomous, snarkier/critical, and keep a distance between themselves and others; the more Ne (or Fe) style INTP women are going to be more social and seem less critical in casual encounters.

Spending time with someone IRL will probably give you a better picture of the true self.

Where vision is concerned, I am gradually learning how "weigh" facts and variables, rather than just charging in with blind enthusiasm to solve a problem or put an idea into motion. I'm still a cynical optimist (really desiring vision/idea/relationship/situation to work out, but believing on some level it won't because of past experience, in which failure may have occurred because of my lack of forethought), but I can see myself progressing toward a more logical approach in my decision making process, especially as I develop greater self awareness.

That makes sense. Getting older and accumulating social experiences (and allowing oneself to change and grow) will result in some tempering and expansion of personality. We all get more well-rounded, if we allow it to happen.

I do believe that if you give an NFJ enough rope, he'll either hang himself, or find a way do the "impossible". It sounds irrational, but the type set can be very creative when there's a major reason to be. "Impossible" isn't such a concrete concept to us as long as we have the all-magical-non-logical "hope". That hope powers our creative mind.

I can understand what you are saying and like to give people room to be themselves. I've also had enough experience with persistent people of many types to realize that, while my immediate strategic assess of a situation might be technically accurate, it's pretty amazing to see what can actually be accomplished through brute force and persistence and commitment to the goal, so I have learned not to dismiss it.

Emotional stability is attractive, highly valued, and centering/anchoring to me, but Feeling in some form has to be present, otherwise, I dismiss that person as immature, cold, or heartless (perhaps as an NT would dismiss an immature NF as foolish without any capacity for rational thought). Good for you that you've developed Fe to such a high degree.

heh... it wasn't much fun.
But I enjoy it now. <- I even know how to use smilies!

Growth is hard -- it's not just that you're changing, it's that you're leaving behind your old sense of identity ("I'm a rational analytical detached observer") and reborn in a sense ("I'm a rational analytical detached observer who engages others, feels things, and can respect and appreciate useful social conventions") and there's no proof that the new self is the "right one," you just engage the process on intuition and faith that you are going to a better place.

Agree here. If there were ever any type that could turn the inflated balloon that is the ENFJ male Knight-in-Shining-Armor syndrome into a perfect reenactment of the Hindenburg, it's a female INTP.

ROFL.

Where's the boom?! There was supposed to be an earthshattering kaboom!
... oh, THERE it is.

 

[INA]

They are furiously independent too and resent any kind of judgement/attempts to control. That rubs up against that J pretty badly. I think we do better with ENFP males. That seems to be a common pairing.

+1 on the bolded parts, but extroverted dudes? Usually: do nat want. Some INTPs do seem to like it, tho.

Agree here. If there were ever any type that could turn the inflated balloon that is the ENFJ male Knight-in-Shining-Armor syndrome into a perfect reenactment of the Hindenburg, it's a female INTP.

 

[Tallulah]

Agree here. If there were ever any type that could turn the inflated balloon that is the ENFJ male Knight-in-Shining-Armor syndrome into a perfect reenactment of the Hindenburg, it's a female INTP.

Ha, that could definitely be one outcome. I deeply resent someone making me feel like I'm defective if I'm not the standard, clingy, needy chick stereotype. But if you're the right amount of charming (ie not sleazy charming or everybody-loves-me charming), you have the smarts to back up the charm and are secure enough that you don't need a damsel all the time, sometimes it's fun to have a knight. Just remember that I'm not going to act helpless just to feed your ego. If I come to you needing help, know that it's a big deal for me, and that I trust you.

Also, what Jennifer said. I don't think all INTP women necessarily have the same outward personality, and we have also been shaped by our experiences and upbringing.

 

[Totenkindly]

Ha, that could definitely be one outcome. I deeply resent someone making me feel like I'm defective if I'm not the standard, clingy, needy chick stereotype. But if you're the right amount of charming (ie not sleazy charming or everybody-loves-me charming), you have the smarts to back up the charm and are secure enough that you don't need a damsel all the time, sometimes it's fun to have a knight. Just remember that I'm not going to act helpless just to feed your ego. If I come to you needing help, know that it's a big deal for me, and that I trust you.

Word. I think it's a sign of character for a guy to interpose/put himself out there for people he loves, and I think the experience (if mutual give and take) can be exhilarating... but if it ends up emitting a vibe that he thinks I'm helpless or incapable without him or that I need him to do me the favor or that my intelligence isn't strong enough to figure out my dilemma, then I just get turned off. I don't expect a guy to "need" me either, I just want to invest in him because (and to show) I care.

I also might allow an opportunity to exist for a guy to be included in my efforts, I've learned enough to realize I need to leave space in my life for others to enter; but I also will not act helpless just to make someone feel good about their strength; I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and living autonomously, thanks so much... so if you're looking for a woman you can save all the time, you can go find her elsewhere -- I'm not the droid you are looking for.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I know that everyone's different but if we are speaking about generalities I agree that ENFJ/INTP can make a match. But it wouldn't be without it's problem areas and I don't see it being a "natural" match.
I only know one female and one male ENFJ. He's like an alien to me. Then again, I've got a low N. So yeah. Very different.

One thing I've noticed about ENFJ, male or female, is the need for control. They don't like being anywhere out of their comfort zone. I'm more go-with-the-flow but when there has been a rare occasion that I wanted to choose where to go or what to do...oh, man! :rolli: I get major pouting!
Also, they tend to blow little things out of proportion to the extent that they can cause DRAMA where there doesn't have to be. Where we do get along great is on a silly, playful level. Two peas in a pod that way.

 

[TopherRed]

No problemo.

I liked Tallulah's comments too. I can be very playful; other times I seem more business; I go into "assess/eval" mode if you want to understand my reasoning; and generally I try to keep a connection with people even if underneath it I still have some detachment. (My natural self as a teen was to sit quietly in a room, observe everyone without saying a word, and figure out "who they were" and sometimes my inner conclusions were very critical/scathing, due to inconsistencies in personality.)

You're going to see a spectrum of behavior across a "type" just like with every type. The more Ti+Si style INTP women are going to be more autonomous, snarkier/critical, and keep a distance between themselves and others; the more Ne (or Fe) style INTP women are going to be more social and seem less critical in casual encounters.

Spending time with someone IRL will probably give you a better picture of the true self.



That makes sense. Getting older and accumulating social experiences (and allowing oneself to change and grow) will result in some tempering and expansion of personality. We all get more well-rounded, if we allow it to happen.



I can understand what you are saying and like to give people room to be themselves. I've also had enough experience with persistent people of many types to realize that, while my immediate strategic assess of a situation might be technically accurate, it's pretty amazing to see what can actually be accomplished through brute force and persistence and commitment to the goal, so I have learned not to dismiss it.



heh... it wasn't much fun.
But I enjoy it now. <- I even know how to use smilies!

Growth is hard -- it's not just that you're changing, it's that you're leaving behind your old sense of identity ("I'm a rational analytical detached observer") and reborn in a sense ("I'm a rational analytical detached observer who engages others, feels things, and can respect and appreciate useful social conventions") and there's no proof that the new self is the "right one," you just engage the process on intuition and faith that you are going to a better place.



ROFL.

Where's the boom?! There was supposed to be an earthshattering kaboom!
... oh, THERE it is.

Yes, like matter and anti-matter.

My poor Ti, way down in the proverbial basement of my soul is just starting to see the light of day (from the safe, non-interactive confines of his bunker). You're absoleutely right, it's tough. I have been going through a bit of an identity crisis whenever I try to use Ti...it's like plotting an outlier on the graph and suddenly realizing that is as much a part of you as the rest of the points that you used to combine to picture yourself. You start to play a game of "connect-the-dots", and to reconcile those that don't seem to simply fit together, you have to create a much more complex self-image...one that is both feeling and rational and and you have to learn which should lead intentionally depending on the situation.

So far, i've noticed Ni/Ti comes in when I must emotionally disconnect myself from a difficult "people" situation that I have to endure for awhile (I think...I might still be foggy on the concept and if I am incorrect, please feel free to demonstrate the right way for looking at Ti). Annoying or clingy roommates for instance--when someone fails to give me my space when I need it, or seriously fails to be curteous in some huge way, I become Fe dishelved. I've found that if I "back away" from my feelings, I am able to unoffensively guide someone into following social protocol that they didn't know was there to follow before. Their lives are improved because they make more friends and offend less people--and that includes me, so my life is too.

My job is to bless the world, not curse it. My job is to leave the world a better place then I found it, not to cause it more harm. Yes, that's the typical NF creedo and much more so for the NFJs, but how can I help the world if I am constantly offended by it? How can I build a bridge when I can't emotionally deal with the situation? At the very core of maturity is the ability to see things from another prespective then your own--to be balanced and able to handle both the logical truths and the emotional constructs. I strive toward this goal and I'm glad to see that others do as well.

Woah, got pulpit-ty there, sorry.

 

[TopherRed]

I know that everyone's different but if we are speaking about generalities I agree that ENFJ/INTP can make a match. But it wouldn't be without it's problem areas and I don't see it being a "natural" match.
I only know one female and one male ENFJ. He's like an alien to me. Then again, I've got a low N. So yeah. Very different.

One thing I've noticed about ENFJ, male or female, is the need for control. They don't like being anywhere out of their comfort zone. I'm more go-with-the-flow but when there has been a rare occasion that I wanted to choose where to go or what to do...oh, man! :rolli: I get major pouting!
Also, they tend to blow little things out of proportion to the extent that they can cause DRAMA where there doesn't have to be. Where we do get along great is on a silly, playful level. Two peas in a pod that way.

I don't think you're describing a mature ENFJ for most of the last paragraph.

 

[Edgar]

I'm mean.

Aloof and disinterested =/= mean

 

[JocktheMotie]

Aloof and disinterested =/= mean

To ENFJ men, that's typically what aloof and disinterested, er... means.

 

[TopherRed]

That's true for immature ENFJ men. I used to think that way. But honestly, it's probably more exciting to find out what interests INTP and make that fun, rather than to expect the INTP to follow you around. Speaking from experience with some of my hardcore IT friends though, it can occasionally seem like they're being stubborn on purpose, lol.

 

[Salomé]

That's true for immature ENFJ men. I used to think that way. But honestly, it's probably more exciting to find out what interests INTP and make that fun, rather than to expect the INTP to follow you around. Speaking from experience with some of my hardcore IT friends though, it can occasionally seem like they're being stubborn on purpose, lol.

As opposed to being stubborn accidentally?

Give it up, bro. It's a lost cause.

 

[jenocyde]

Who determines what is mature or immature? I don't know. I think every person has a little of both...

I'm a little jaded from recent experiences with those of the ENFJ persuasion (hahaha) but I am normally very compatible with them. I'm not so interested in them romantically, but as friends, I love them. But only on the good days. When it's bad, it's very bad.

I can only imagine an INTP/ENFJ pairing just being an endless cycle of paranoia and accusations, though. It played out that way with my ENFJ cousin and his latest love, an INTP. I felt bad for him, actually. He didn't have a fighting chance.

 

[Salomé]

It played out that way with my ENFJ cousin and his latest love, an INTP. I felt bad for him, actually. He didn't have a fighting chance.

Do tell!

 

[jenocyde]

Do tell!

hahaha, it was like watching a train wreck. I couldn't tell whose blood was whose.

She never trusted that he was genuine because he was always out and about, and most of his friends are female. It wasn't that she was jealous in a normal sense, but he was outgoing in an abnormal sense. 2am the phone would ring from another damsel in distress and he'd run to be by her side. Idiot. That would set off any red-blooded woman, but he just didn't get it. He was trying to help, and that supersedes any other feelings.

He needed so much attention. If she was quiet, he'd be quiet and just watch tv. But if she made one comment, he took that as an opening to talk her to death. And when she got visibly irritated, he would try to smooth things over by being cutesy in a very aggressive way, which set her off more because all she wanted was for him to pipe down. But the more she introverted, the more he extroverted. I suppose this tactic works on others - the dancing clown thing at kids' hospitals - but it so did not work on her.

She would finally come around to sit and talk about real things and he would keep interrupting her with random cutesy nonsequitors. He would ask her serious questions and she would start off with a serious sentence, then he would go on a tangent that was otherwise unrelated and never bring it back home. So she would know better than to try and talk to him on a real level. And when she stopped trying, he felt shut out. But he never understood how he added to that situation.

xNFJ men, in my experience, are lovely creatures until you say one semi-negative thing and they just *react* (no offense to OP, but your defensiveness was premature and predictable. I walked into the same trap with an INFJ yesterday. super defensive for no reason...) And for her part, when she withdrew, she just disappeared mentally. There was no getting through to her. And with him screaming about some supposed slight and her with her silent, blank stare, it was just a mess.

 

[Totenkindly]

She never trusted that he was genuine because he was always out and about, and most of his friends are female. It wasn't that she was jealous in a normal sense, but he was outgoing in an abnormal sense. 2am the phone would ring from another damsel in distress and he'd run to be by her side. Idiot. That would set off any red-blooded woman, but he just didn't get it. He was trying to help, and that supersedes any other feelings.

Jinkies.

As soon as I read this, I was thinking, "Man, what a PUTZ." Relational pragmatism: He's free to race after all these women if he wants, but... that doesn't mean I'm gonna be around when he gets home.

I'm not even sure why he's routinely taking emo calls at 2am in the morning anyway. He's not a freaking surgeon or ER doc or the President of the US, you know.

... the more she introverted, the more he extroverted.

Yay! yay! The Deathly Descending Dance of Doom and Destruction!!!

I suppose this tactic works on others - the dancing clown thing at kids' hospitals - but it so did not work on her.

Sorta like when Bluto breaks a bottle on his head in Animal House to cheer up Flounder?

She would finally come around to sit and talk about real things and he would keep interrupting her with random cutesy nonsequitors. He would ask her serious questions and she would start off with a serious sentence, then he would go on a tangent that was otherwise unrelated and never bring it back home. So she would know better than to try and talk to him on a real level. And when she stopped trying, he felt shut out. But he never understood how he added to that situation.

not good. Although the older ones I've known are very sensitive and feel out the person they're with, they wouldn't behave that way on a consistent basis.

And for her part, when she withdrew, she just disappeared mentally. There was no getting through to her.

Well, if you feel that you have no choice but to withdraw into silence, and communication is the actual area that you're continuously getting hurt on, and the only way to change things is to communicate?

...It's doomed.