[ENFP] ENFP feelings (how we deal with our own AND yours)

[Abcdenfp]

OMG...like WHAT! I really do relate to what you mention of feeling a sort of pressure to always be "on" for the sake of other people. Why do we DO this?? Oh crap...mind blown...is THIS why people see me as a 2?? Is THIS how I "give" to others? Because I feel selfish if anything so I always ask, how can I be a 2 if I'm not giving in any way?? Well...maybe I am, in this regard. Ok, scratch the above comment, that was a misfire haha, didn't mean to take my post there But ya, it is a bit strange isn't it? And the thing is, no one ever actively tells me to stay happy or that I need to be this ray of sunshine, I feel like I sort of just put that on myself. Though, I have gotten similar comments before, to the one you shared, and by close friends too. Perhaps because there were close people to me, my way to show I cared for them was to prop them up and to be that energizer bunny that I observed they benefited from. It really is exhausting though to always have this front up, even if I'm not always aware of it or actively trying to maintain this positivity. Maybe it's because I've picked up these cues from other people so long ago, and may have incorporated these habits long enough ago, that it all seems like second nature at this point, thereby remaining hidden? Hmm, now I'm interested in this direction! Not me specifically, but generally speaking, of this sort of self-imposed pressure one can feel.

Think about it, how many people walk around every day and their mood doesnt determine anyone elses. think about everytime you've had an off day and the response youve had from other people
sometimes when i walk in the room i can feel everyone waiting for me to energize it. some times it makes me mad. other times i feel like giving energy off and it drives me. Some times i get dark and choose to suffocate the room because fuck you guys its not my sole job to bring life into a senario.

 

[Snow as White]

OMG...like WHAT! I really do relate to what you mention of feeling a sort of pressure to always be "on" for the sake of other people. Why do we DO this??

Oh crap...mind blown...is THIS why people see me as a 2?? Is THIS how I "give" to others? Because I feel selfish if anything so I always ask, how can I be a 2 if I'm not giving in any way?? Well...maybe I am, in this regard.

Ok, scratch the above comment, that was a misfire haha, didn't mean to take my post there

But ya, it is a bit strange isn't it? And the thing is, no one ever actively tells me to stay happy or that I need to be this ray of sunshine, I feel like I sort of just put that on myself. Though, I have gotten similar comments before, to the one you shared, and by close friends too. Perhaps because there were close people to me, my way to show I cared for them was to prop them up and to be that energizer bunny that I observed they benefited from. It really is exhausting though to always have this front up, even if I'm not always aware of it or actively trying to maintain this positivity. Maybe it's because I've picked up these cues from other people so long ago, and may have incorporated these habits long enough ago, that it all seems like second nature at this point, thereby remaining hidden?

Hmm, now I'm interested in this direction! Not me specifically, but generally speaking, of this sort of self-imposed pressure one can feel.

This is interesting. I hear this a lot from my ENFP 7 bff. She feels the need to constantly be "on" if she is out with other people. She tests 7-9-2 and is the middle child. I am her only outlet to the darker feelings or a person to spend time with where I don't expect or need for her to be putting on a show if she isn't feeling like it. She tends to make a lot of plans when she is feeling crappy because there is that natural expectation from everyone on her as "oh, ENFP is always happy! She will make us happy!" And she was able to keep doing this for years and years and years, and then last year she crashed and burned out from the stress of everything that was secretly going wrong in her life.

I can do the cheerful thing for only so long. I'd rather hermit off to my cave and sit and think terrible things in my head and then believe, because i am feeling A, that I equate to A and it just endlessly spirals in a vanta black nautilus shell that slimed its way out of hell. I don't let many people know I do this or what is going on during this time.

Because it's just easier to not share with others. They want to know the #why or they want to tell you to #snapoutofit or #letmefixyou or #itisn'tthatbadyou'reoverreacting. and also if you get used to just doing the sunshine thing with others, any deviation from the norm is difficult to tolerate. humans get used to a certain you and don't really want to do mental room arranging to make way for another version of you. My moods and feelings are also things that I inherently just feel RIGHT about and I hate the idea and the actuality of having someone tell me I am wrooooong about these things. It's so vulnerable. Can't do that.

And it's also so easy to be misunderstood. And that is terrible. Being looked at through a glass darkly.

I feel rambly and uncertain so here I lay my -fin-.

shark fin.

 

[Dreamer]

Think about it, how many people walk around every day and their mood doesnt determine anyone elses. think about everytime you've had an off day and the response youve had from other people
sometimes when i walk in the room i can feel everyone waiting for me to energize it. some times it makes me mad. other times i feel like giving energy off and it drives me. Some times i get dark and choose to suffocate the room because fuck you guys its not my sole job to bring life into a senario.

Hmm, this is interesting. I can say I relate, well ok, have similar experiences to this, like I totally get what you’re talking about, but I’ve honestly never really paid that much attention to the feel of the room, or other people for that matter (to an extent obviously), and no doubt that is where this perceived selfishness comes from that I can feel guilty of. But, I guess how I’d say we share similar experiences is that, haha thinking about it now, this is probably exactly what you actually meant but I’ll continue! I wouldn’t say I feel the mood or, the emotional signature of an environment directly, but I would say I can read it, only because I feel a shift in how that environment makes me feel, and I’m constantly monitoring my emotional stability like some oil temp gauge on a car (has to remain in that happy medium ), but as I’m typing this out, I started thinking, ok, maybe Abc does actually experience the same thing and just cut to the chase when saying she feels the room hahaha. Word play can be a game at times

But ya, I know what you mean. There are times when I’ve gone into work, already mildly stressed out because of deadlines or whatever, and as people start coming in for the day (I’m usually the first in the office), I already have my headphones on, signaling to others, “don’t fuck with me, not in the mood”. I’ve worked there long enough where people can usually pick up on my subtle cues, so thankfully I don’t ever get these coworkers trying to cheer me up and intruding. Just give me my space for a moment ok? Ok!

 

[Seeker33]

Because it's just easier to not share with others. They want to know the #why or they want to tell you to #snapoutofit or #letmefixyou or #itisn'tthatbadyou'reoverreacting. and also if you get used to just doing the sunshine thing with others, any deviation from the norm is difficult to tolerate. humans get used to a certain you and don't really want to do mental room arranging to make way for another version of you. My moods and feelings are also things that I inherently just feel RIGHT about and I hate the idea and the actuality of having someone tell me I am wrooooong about these things. It's so vulnerable. Can't do that.

I totally relate to that. When the emotion/thought spirals start, people trying to get me stop experiencing it doesnt help. Even if they are just trying to help, it feels like they are invalidating what im experiencing. In the end, i usually need to just be with the emotions and thoughts for a while until i really figure out where they are coming from and why. Eventually i can usually get to the source of it and work through it. But talking through emotions with others doesn't really help that much for me. I prefer to talk to through ideas or plans with others.

My intj friend was really surprised i'm an F instead of a T because i'm very rational and dont come off super emotional (even though im extremely empathic) There's a lot happening internally but i dont really like to talk about my feelings when they are happening. I'm not sure if this is because i'm a male (i'm sure there is a difference between how enfp males and enfp females express emotions) or if this is a function of Fi being introverted.

 

[Seeker33]

Also, when I said "odder duck", did you picture an otter duck? Because I did.

OMG where can i find an otter duck!!!

 

[Luminous]

Also, when I said "odder duck", did you picture an otter duck? Because I did.

I think these will have to do:

any deviation from the norm is difficult to tolerate. humans get used to a certain you and don't really want to do mental room arranging to make way for another version of you.

I think I must be close to the middle on I/E. I have had the experiences where, with certain people, there's such an expectation of mutual happy, silly, goofiness that any deviation from that, even if blatantly obvious, is met with silence and lack of acknowledgment, I think out of a not-knowing-what-to-do-this-isn't-normal feeling. That lack of acknowledgment has been very hurtful to me in the past. On the other hand, in my past, a large majority only saw a quiet, solid, stony, maybe melancholic exterior. And that made it difficult for them to see anything else but that. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Some people don't want you to be nuanced and complicated.

I've typically been choosy with who I open up to. I'd like to have more people I can open up to in a vulnerable open way. But I am very suspicious of people who want you to open up right away and share all your vulnerabilities. Like I had a professor, for a speech class, who made it clear in the first few sessions that he wanted us to bare our souls and share personal details and vulnerabilities in class. He was creepy and carefully treading that line of appropriateness. I dropped the class and complained informally about the latter... turned out not to be the first complaint...