[ENFJ] ENFJ-ENFP Relationship

[WieldingTheSword]

My guess is that this has been written about here before, but I went back through the threads and couldn't find it.

What do you guys think about an ENFJ (female) being with an ENFP (male) romantically? Would it work? What would be the strengths and weaknesses of such a relationship?

 

[Amargith]

I've done the opposite (ENFP female with ENFJ male), I think. My first boyfriend was, I think an ENFJ. Loved his charisma, protective nature, warmth. When he turned his full attention to you, it was like you were the only one that mattered to him. Very intoxicating. He taught me a lot, and we had a very intense relationship. Unfortunately, he was so charismatic (and he knew it), that he couldn't resist using his charm on other ladies while we were dating...dunno if this is true for other ENFJ's though.

I was convinced I'd spend my life with him at the time, but I was a teenager, and didn't realize I was in an 'abusive' relationship, as he used manipulation and lies to get from me what he wanted (guilttripping..). Loved him to death when he was warm and fully attentive to me. Hated him when he took that attention away. Delete these 'unbalanced' traits and I would date him again in a heartbeat The intensity you get between two ENF's is hard to be matched and incredibly intoxicating. It's like being high all the time. And the difference in P and J is just enough to get things done in life and have enough down time at the same time. Occasionally the double F does create a whole hell of a lot of drama, but the intense bond you get back for that is so worth it

 

[dee]

Hi, as an enfj female, I will tell you that I can see it working, but I personally think that when it's p instead of j and everything else the same, it is worse than when it's a few other differences and p at the end.

I don't know why, but enfp's seem too charismatic for me, (maybe I feel out-done by them?) and the p makes them say whatever they want to say, which will normally make them very desirable and popular type people, but when in a long-term relationship, I don't know how great that would be....(they can say something hurtful, and not understand why you are upset...)

I think they are just too full of themeselves (sorry), so I guess it really depends upon the person. Also, how much of it is lust (cause he's probably really confident, and that can be very attractive) and how much of it is genuine attraction to really seeing yourself in a deep way with this person.

Hope that helped somewhat..

best wishes, dee

 

[Lady_X]

wow...weird how some people see your type.

 

[BerberElla]

Hi, as an enfj female, I will tell you that I can see it working, but I personally think that when it's p instead of j and everything else the same, it is worse than when it's a few other differences and p at the end.

I don't know why, but enfp's seem too charismatic for me, (maybe I feel out-done by them?) and the p makes them say whatever they want to say, which will normally make them very desirable and popular type people, but when in a long-term relationship, I don't know how great that would be....(they can say something hurtful, and not understand why you are upset...)

I think they are just too full of themeselves (sorry), so I guess it really depends upon the person. Also, how much of it is lust (cause he's probably really confident, and that can be very attractive) and how much of it is genuine attraction to really seeing yourself in a deep way with this person.

Hope that helped somewhat..

best wishes, dee

I wouldn't say the P makes them say whatever they want to say, P doesn't do that since as a P I know I don't.

It's true, they are extremely charismatic, and for me there is alot of lust attraction to the ENFP type, but I haven't met one who didn't care or understand why you were upset, and who wouldn't address the situation (when they were ready) to try to heal the rift.

I'm not sure about an ENFP and ENFJ pairing though, but I don't see why it couldn't work, after all mature types of any type can be together.

 

[WieldingTheSword]

wow...weird how some people see your type.

Lol, I agree... I've never found ENFP's to have an air of being overly confident or full of themselves. The very opposite, in fact.

 

[smile123]

This is very interesting since I'm an ENFJ female married to an ENFP male! We've been together for about four years, married for almost two, but we don't have children

So some of the joys..
We both love to discuss ideas and how we can both work together to make a big impact in our surrounding society! We both have huge amounts of creativity and charisma, and we actually volunteer a lot together by creating programs that benefit youth! To an ENFJ and ENFP - that is a pretty romantic relationship! We are also very good at communicating with each other, so we rarely have issues where one person is talking in a very 'direct' insensitive manner (i.e. what one could experience with a Diplomat and Analyst - here there are two Diplomats together!)

Earlier on in the relationship, we needed to both work on our listening skills since both of us are extroverts who love talking and giving advice. But I think we've managed this now Since we're both 'NF' types - we are always very particular about thinking about the big picture when it comes to our volunteer work and helping people consistently - we're each very understanding when the other person spends a lot of time working to help someone at short notice. The only drawback is that sometimes housework gets put on the back burner, it piles up and then we have to work on it together. But we are working on this as well!

The J and P combination was a bit of an interesting combination when we were doing bigger activities - like planning our wedding and buying a house. I came armed with spreadsheets and to-do-lists, and he was a bit overwhelmed about it at first, but he seemed to really appreciate it as the work went on. From my husband, I have learned to let-go and go-with-the-flow with new experiences - so I'm probably only about 60% J now, and he is about 60% P (he schedules things in his calendar now, which I find impressive!). Isn't it interesting how a couple learns from each other?

The last thing is that when I talk to others, they seem to be astonished as to how much of our time really goes into volunteer work, v.s. spending time on ourselves. This is something that we have to also work to keep in mind, as we should try to have an hour's work of 'just us time' per week (even if it's spent talking about things like space, politics and mysticism which we find super interesting) - but having a date fused with a planned agenda of work/volunteer program items don't completely count!!

 

[Unkindloving]

I'm very often drawn to ENFP men. I've found them very attractive in the sense where I want to lick their brain. Like there is some tasty morsel in there, and I want at it. I only experience that with ENFPs. I had a raging crush on the ENFP that introduced me to the forum, and a lot of our conversations started from a tangible place and quickly/easily wandered into metaphor and just bouncing brain-morsels back and forth. It was like an aspect of socializing I didn't realize I needed because it didn't have to get to a specific point, or even touch on what the original tangible idea was. It was refreshing as hell.
Apart from that though, I've found ENFPs can be flaky, oblivious to the consequence of what they do/say to others at times, and sometimes condescension and "know-it-all" comes across in their attempts to be helpful. I think I would get very frustrated with them over time in a relationship setting, and I think they would get very frustrated with my some of my absorption and being affected in terms of people-dealings.

 

[Riverfairy]

I reckon it can work, like any other combination.

But like any combination it would have it's difficulties. In my experience with an ENFP in particular - he projects his own needs onto others within his intuitional drive and his Fi in the copilot so can get people wrong and their intentions. This could affect an ENFJ quite a lot as they can see inside people's needs and wants much more accurately.


Nevertheless, ENFPs authenticity of heart and values can be magnetising to an ENFJ. As they are a lil (or very) chameleon-like they can probably benefit from learning to stay more consistent in social situations which ENFPs I'd say excel at.