Easy Decisions vs. Hard Decisions

[Athenian200]

Okay, my mother recently complained that I don't like to make decisions and always try to force someone else to make them. But then I pointed out some exceptions, and she realized it only applies to certain kinds of decisions. We found there were specific categories of decisions that I'm not as good at.

Easy decisions:

1. Technical Decisions. I'm apparently good at making decisions as far as what kind of software to use, what kind of hardware to install in a computer. I'm also good at figuring out what kind of cable is needed to hook something up, what kind of telephone service to order, getting tech support over the phone, etc.

2. Monetary Decisions. I'm good at prioritizing bills that need to be paid, cutting out trivial things, managing money, etc.

3. Life Decisions. I'm good at making big decisions, like where I want to live, whether I want to go to school, what I want to do in school, what kind of jobs I'm most interested in, etc.

Hard decisions:

1. Interpersonal Decisions. I usually make these, but tend to find them annoying, change them at the last minute more than I should, and/or make incredibly lazy/sloppy decisions that minimize the amount of focus I have to spend on this area. I seem to make somewhat better decisions here when family isn't involved, though.

2. Trivial Decisions. I'm not good at making decisions like what I want to eat, what I want to wear, personal hygiene, etc. I tend to try and pressure my mother or other people into making these decisions for me so I can work within that structure. I do like these things decided, though.

3. Minute Decisions. I'm not good at making the little decisions that follow big decisions. I tend to sort of expect things to fall into place, don't like to think about the details after I've already made a decision.

The one about food is especially funny.

Mom: Are you hungry?
Me: I could be hungry. How long has it been since I ate?
Mom: About 5 hours.
Me: How long do I usually wait in between meals?
Mom: About 5 hours.
Me: I guess I'm hungry, then.
Mom: Where do you want something to eat from?
Me: Where do YOU want something to eat from?
Mom: I don't care, I already ate. Pick something!
Me: Well, where did I eat the previous two days?
Mom: At restaurants X and Y.
Me: What's the closest restaurant other than X and Y?
Mom: Z.
Me: Well, go to Z.
Mom: What do you want from there?
Me: The same thing I usually get, obviously.
Mom: But there's more than one thing you usually get!
Me: Well, get me the one I didn't get last time I went, then.
Mom: Sigh. Okay, bye.

Insert a lot more mutual whining and complaining about each other, and you pretty much have what happens when I'm asked about what I want to eat. You don't even what to know what happens when I have to decide about what we're going to eat when we eat in.

So, anyway, what is it that makes hard decisions hard, and easy decisions easy?

 

[prplchknz]

wow I am terrible at life decisions and good at minute decisions, maybe that's a J/P divide? but the rest sound about right though I wouldn't say I was absolutely terrible at making trivial decisions, but defiently below average and wouldn't say i was wonderful at tech and monetary decisions but maybe average on those.

 

[entropie]

Easy:

1. Technical: I dont see the point in decision making, regarding technical. the faster the better

2. Monetary: well, lets just lay the cover of silence over that one

3. Life: uhouhuh, Life, what is life ? Is life what we think it is ? Is it not ? Are we alive ? Are we not ?

Hard:

4. Interpersonal: I like to comment on that with a video:

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzMY8Nw3hPU"].[/YOUTUBE]

5. Trivial: In my opinion there are no trivial decisions and I am actually offended by the question.

6. Minute: ya those suck. I always want to try out a new pizza, if I order one. So I tend to order two, to have one as a failsafe. I always end up with liking salami +double cheese the most but what the heck if you dont try you will never die happy

...


That was for you no.1, how did I do ?

And tho it doesnt fit I still add a jumpstyle song

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9pZKp4WhiM"]xD[/YOUTUBE]

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

6. Minute: ya those suck. I always want to try out a new pizza, if I order one. So I tend to order two, to have one as a failsafe. I always end up with liking salami +double cheese the most but what the heck if you dont try you will never die happy

I do this. Sometimes I think it's dumb, but then I decide everything's dumb so therefore nothing's dumb. Then I eat the pizza.

 

[Lethe]

I love making decisions.

So, anyway, what is it that makes hard decisions hard, and easy decisions easy?

Why decisions are...

Hard:
- Perfectionism
- Thinking over doing
- Over-researching; excessive preparations
- Taking too long to make a decision, by now their anxiety has intensified
- Forgetting about implementation & the upkeep
- Over-focusing on the wrong angle
- Poor strategy and tactics
- Conflict between interests
- Uncertainty of short-term & long-term goals
- Two equally positive or negative decisions
- High-stake risks
- Low self-trust
- Inability to try new things: not building upon their experiences
- Low interest
- Feeling under-prepared
- Uncomfortable with failures: better 'safe' than sorry
- Not trying enough -- progress is not made without attempts
- Lack of prioritization in activities & goals
- Low resources for management -- not enough information, time, skills, etc.
- Weak 'safety nets' for worse-case scenarios
- Misc. emotional disturbances
- And so on...

Easy:
- Right environment/structure
- All interests arrive at the same point
- Certainty of values
- Certainty about short-term and long-term goals
- Understanding of the self: motivation & limits
- Great strategy and tactics for coping
- Sufficient negotiation with personal disputes
- Balancing thinking with acting
- Feeling ready to take on the challenges
- Believes he/she could handle the consequences
- Interest in the activity
- Willing to learn in the process of doing
- Having enough resources
- Experience... or confidence

*There's some food for thought. And excuse my lack of organization in this post because I only have a few spare minutes.

 

[prplchknz]

wait why is minute hard for people? I mean like at a pizza place get one then try the other one next time. I mean minute don't usually effect your whole life, unlike life ones (which is probably why I find those hard to make)

 

[Lethe]

wait why is minute hard for people? I mean like at a pizza place get one then try the other one next time. I mean minute don't usually effect your whole life, unlike life ones (which is probably why I find those hard to make)

Pure discomfort with 'thoughtless' choices?

Whatever it is, someone needs a little introspection to figure out why they're mentally resisting those decisions.

 

[prplchknz]

which ones? the minute ones? or the life ones?

 

[Lady_X]

any decision that has a lot of options...i can't even find a cellphone!

i hate decisions...i like the process of researching options...but i hate deciding.

but then i can be totally spontaneous and make decisions really quick...i can't tell why i do one over the other...i really can't...but i have a feeling if someone called me and asked me to hop on a plane with them and be gone for a week...i'd say...sure...let me figure out how to do that...go ahead and book the flight....but it might take me several weeks to pick a freakin phone!

 

[Lethe]

which ones? the minute ones? or the life ones?

For the life-decisions folks, it's the minute decisions.

Perhaps it's not having enough time to think it over, or working with a lesser 'crisis' goal that discourages them. If they miss the bills, then they would undergo immediate repercussions for their actions. Switching the tables around, if a person forgets about eating, they'd still last for hours. The firm deadlines are practically non-existent.

 

[prplchknz]

For the life-decisions folks, it's the minute decisions.

Perhaps it's not having enough time to think it over, or working with a lesser 'crisis' goal that discourages them. If they miss the bills, then they would undergo immediate repercussions for their actions. Switching the tables around, if a person forgets about eating, they'd still last for hours. The firm deadlines are practically non-existent.

now I'm more confused. Maybe I'm just tired. do you mean the people who make easy life decisions have issues with minute descisions and need introspection?

 

[Athenian200]

Pure discomfort with 'thoughtless' choices?

Whatever it is, someone needs a little introspection to figure out why they're mentally resisting those decisions.

Yeah, I think that's it. I'm usually good at making decisions based on my own thoughts or other people's feelings, but not good at making decisions based on other people's thoughts or my own feelings.

For the life-decisions folks, it's the minute decisions.

Perhaps it's not having enough time to think it over, or working with a lesser 'crisis' goal that discourages them. If they miss the bills, then they would undergo immediate repercussions for their actions. Switching the tables around, if a person forgets about eating, they'd still last for hours. The firm deadlines are practically non-existent.

Yeah... it doesn't seem like there are any consequences. It won't matter, because I usually just scarf the food down and barely taste it anyway. What's the point in choosing anything in particular, except to make sure it's not something gross?

 

[Orangey]

1. Technical Decisions.

Like Entropie said, these are not so much decisions as deductions. I will use whatever is most efficient for the task at hand.

2. Monetary Decisions.

I am dead terrible at managing money. End of story.

3. Life Decisions.

I'm pretty good at life decisions. Usually because they're what occupy the majority of my thought. I always think about my future and about how I'd like it to play out.

1. Interpersonal Decisions.

I'm not sure what this means. Is that a bad sign? What is an interpersonal decision? Is it something like, "should I or should I not say this particular phrase to someone? Will it set him or her off if I do?" If so, I am pretty bad at interpersonal decisions. I either ignore the "inter" part of it completely, or I agonize over it and end up avoiding the decision.

2. Trivial Decisions.

Nope, I'm terrible at these. My friends always ask me stuff like, "so where should we eat? What should we do? What do you want to drink?" I just care so little about such decisions. People always think I'm weird or that I must be withholding my preferences from them and accommodating them for the sake of it. It's just that I really don't care, and I'd rather just get on with it without the other person feeling the need to include me in the decision making to be polite.

3. Minute Decisions.

Isn't this the same as trivial decisions? Or are we talking about minute decisions as in, "now that I've decided to move to California and study marine biology, and I've chosen my apartment and neighborhood, what kinds of school supplies will I need? Do I have pencils and pens? Do I have napkins and dishes and all that?" If that's what's meant by minute decisions, then yeah, I'm terrible at them as well. I usually am neglectful about such decisions to the point that it is detrimental to me.

Yeah, I don't like making small decisions, even if together they account for a huge portion of my life and well-being.

 

[nonsequitur]

I hate deciding small, stupid things like what to eat/where to eat/what to wear. It doesn't really have an effect on me so I hate spending time thinking about it. When I'm tired I would rather eat ramen than decide what takeout to buy. It's all food, anyway, and it's not like I'm going to remember it in a couple of days. It's to the point where if I go out with friends, I wait till they decide and just pick whatever they picked to save thinking about something that I don't really value.

With big/life decisions, I think I do a lot better because the "way of maximum efficiency/value" is always the most obvious to me.

 

[Snow Turtle]

The easiest decisions for me are those that don't matter. However I've been told that I'm bad at decision making in general... by an ESFP and by my SJ parents. It's a case of thinking that there might be a better option elsewhere.

Immediate life decisions are hell. I have a rough idea of the direction I want to head, but the things building up to it are problematic. Which education will be the best path forward? Should I contact my friend to clarify when they have requested time apart?
There's so many variables that must be taken into account. I often find myself eternally researching everything so by the time I've finished I usually know alot about stuff but be no closer to determining which option I want to select. It's a pain.

With smaller stuff. I usually just give the option selecting to other people, but again I've got problems deciding what I personally want. Some subway person once commented "So... You decided you want this?" then I changed my mind. There's also the additional problem of wanting to hear what other people want first before deciding, I chalk this down to my feeler side. >_>

Mom: Are you hungry?
Me: I could be hungry. How long has it been since I ate?
Mom: About 5 hours.
Me: How long do I usually wait in between meals?
Mom: About 5 hours.
Me: I guess I'm hungry, then.
Mom: Where do you want something to eat from?
Me: Where do YOU want something to eat from?
Mom: I don't care, I already ate. Pick something!
Me: Well, where did I eat the previous two days?
Mom: At restaurants X and Y.
Me: What's the closest restaurant other than X and Y?
Mom: Z.
Me: Well, go to Z.
Mom: What do you want from there?
Me: The same thing I usually get, obviously.
Mom: But there's more than one thing you usually get!
Me: Well, get me the one I didn't get last time I went, then.
Mom: Sigh. Okay, bye.

That's pretty hilarious. Do you usually try to organise a pattern though in terms of eatting and such? (5 hours etc)

 

[Alchemiss]

any decision that has a lot of options...i can't even find a cellphone!

i hate decisions...i like the process of researching options...but i hate deciding.

but then i can be totally spontaneous and make decisions really quick...i can't tell why i do one over the other...i really can't...but i have a feeling if someone called me and asked me to hop on a plane with them and be gone for a week...i'd say...sure...let me figure out how to do that...go ahead and book the flight....but it might take me several weeks to pick a freakin phone!

Your post reminded me of this TED talk. Barry Schwartz on the paradox of choice | Video on TED.com

 

[Kyrielle]

Difficulty can range on any of these types depending on how many other people are involved or how many other factors are involved. That said...

Technical Decisions.

Easy. As others have said before me, these are largely based on efficiency and the intended quality of the result. Generally, the more I know about the materials and tools I'm using (whether it be a program or a tube of paint), the easier the decision will be.

Monetary Decisions.

Generally easy as I simply try to look for the best quality for the lowest price. Sometimes this means I have to do a lot of research and the decision will take a bit longer (especially for large expenses), but the result is always a greater sense of satisfaction because I know I've gotten something good but affordable.

Life Decisions.

A lot of the time, these are hard for me. Making the actual decision is usually not too hard, but actually implementing and carrying out that decision is the really hard part. Like looking for jobs. It's easy to decide "I want this job", but stepping out of my comfort zone to apply for it. That's hard. Keeping up the effort in spite of feeling discouraged. That's hard. I have to really fight the desire to bury my head in the sand.

But say, finding a place to live. That's easy, actually. I have a set of criteria and most of the situation is under my control. All I have to do is make sure the pros outweigh the cons and I feel emotionally satisfied in that place and I'm good.

So, hard decisions are probably decisions that have LARGE components that are outside of my control. These decisions are very uncomfortable and require me to let go at times when I don't feel safe to do so.

Interpersonal Decisions.

These are pretty easy. I have no problem accomodating other people into my plans. The hard part is remembering that MY wants/needs are just as important in the decision-making. The good news is most people seem to understand (intuitively, perhaps?) that I have this tendency and will help me remember. I almost never expect others to be accomodating.

Trivial Decisions.

Easy. I just decide based on how I'm feeling. This is what goes through my head: "What do I want to eat? Hmm, well what do I feel in the mood for? Chinese...or pizza...or home cooked stuff? Ooh, Chinese...with chicken, yeah something with chicken.." And so on and so forth until what I specifically want to eat has been figured out.

Minute Decisions or Little Decisions that Follow Big Ones.

These are often easier once the big decision has been decided. A lot of the time, a big decision is like a keystone decision. Once it has been made, everything else falls into place. That and big decisions make me feel very stressed when they haven't been decided yet. When a big decision is out of the way, I feel way more confident about the rest of the process (usually).