Kierva
#KUWK
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2010
- Messages
- 2,469
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
First ever blog post on this forum. I thought it would be appropriate to be self-titled, like those debut albums that artists release.
I'm probably going to use this platform as a way to pen down the rants and musings of a Dragonslayer -- much like the Random Thought Thread. I suppose this functions as a more detailed version of the said thread.
That, and I risk less seeing my post buried by newer ones.
I randomly googled "3w4 sx/so" and chanced upon type description threads on PerC. I won't deny that they have good resources there, and in most of their type 3 resources, there's a lot of the word "success".
I took a moment to think about the word "success". What the hell is success?
It's such an abstract word. I'd imagine "success" means different things to different people. When I thought about it on a surface level, I imagined the usual: cars, money, a big home, good job and all. That's my mental model of it, and I suppose there are people who pursue these things. But that's only material success... what happens when you get to the point where you already have those things? What else is there to chase after getting those things?
Things can only keep you happy for so long.
I'm not exactly sure what "success" means to me. I mean, it's good to have material success but it's not like it's everything. If it is everything, I will reiterate my point: "What else is there to chase after getting those things?"
There has to be something more. Something that transcends material benefits, something intangible but gives you great happiness. I don't know. Something like that.
There was a point in time where I confused money with happiness... when I was 12 I told myself "no relationships" so that I don't end up like my parents. We're not very rich and because they had to cut corners I felt a little deprived in the materials department.
Who doesn't like shinies?
I sought these things, thinking it could make me happy. Thinking that it could cover up my emptiness in social matters. I never really liked a lot of people anyway, things made me happier because they did exactly what I wanted them to do without the bullshit.
Then I realized these things could only entertain me for so long, that I would get bored with it in a few weeks. Like buying a new cellphone. In the few weeks you're so engrossed in finding ways to use and exploit it, but when you've done so, you throw it by the side.
I think this is one of those lessons that taught me a little conflict or mystery is okay, because then it keeps you sticking to the other person.
Not that you can't have mystery with things, but you get my point.
Now that I'm older I know that materials are essential if you want to make your life easier, but not necessarily the end goal. I don't know, the people that around me and the ones that I've talked to online made me realize how important human relations are.
Being social creatures, just talking to another human being you get along with is intensely rewarding. I don't know, it's like, because of your relations with the other person, you can talk to them about anything that's on your mind. There's that feeling of openness and two-way interaction.
Of course, this depends highly on the person themselves. If I don't like you I will turn my nose up at you and walk away.
I guess it's because they make me feel valued and liked. I feel as though I'm wanted. I want to be wanted.
Growing up on the sidelines because people saw you as arrogant and cold can get to you sometimes. When someone you talk to seems to like you, seems to value you despite those qualities, you think to yourself, "Damn, what a real gem. I better keep talking to this person."
I will say I get a little possessive sometimes. Sometimes I don't feel wanted or valued enough and I do all sorts of things to make the other person want me. Sometimes to the point of nearly destroying the relationship.
My ego can get a little too carried away >.>
That being said I'm pretty glad I have friends that I talk to who have stuck around despite my attention whorish ways. I just need to work on how not to... idk be not attention whorish or not feel unwanted.
This is incredibly self-absorbed of me. I think I should just shut up.
I'm probably going to use this platform as a way to pen down the rants and musings of a Dragonslayer -- much like the Random Thought Thread. I suppose this functions as a more detailed version of the said thread.
That, and I risk less seeing my post buried by newer ones.
I randomly googled "3w4 sx/so" and chanced upon type description threads on PerC. I won't deny that they have good resources there, and in most of their type 3 resources, there's a lot of the word "success".
I took a moment to think about the word "success". What the hell is success?
It's such an abstract word. I'd imagine "success" means different things to different people. When I thought about it on a surface level, I imagined the usual: cars, money, a big home, good job and all. That's my mental model of it, and I suppose there are people who pursue these things. But that's only material success... what happens when you get to the point where you already have those things? What else is there to chase after getting those things?
Things can only keep you happy for so long.
I'm not exactly sure what "success" means to me. I mean, it's good to have material success but it's not like it's everything. If it is everything, I will reiterate my point: "What else is there to chase after getting those things?"
There has to be something more. Something that transcends material benefits, something intangible but gives you great happiness. I don't know. Something like that.
There was a point in time where I confused money with happiness... when I was 12 I told myself "no relationships" so that I don't end up like my parents. We're not very rich and because they had to cut corners I felt a little deprived in the materials department.
Who doesn't like shinies?
I sought these things, thinking it could make me happy. Thinking that it could cover up my emptiness in social matters. I never really liked a lot of people anyway, things made me happier because they did exactly what I wanted them to do without the bullshit.
Then I realized these things could only entertain me for so long, that I would get bored with it in a few weeks. Like buying a new cellphone. In the few weeks you're so engrossed in finding ways to use and exploit it, but when you've done so, you throw it by the side.
I think this is one of those lessons that taught me a little conflict or mystery is okay, because then it keeps you sticking to the other person.
Not that you can't have mystery with things, but you get my point.
Now that I'm older I know that materials are essential if you want to make your life easier, but not necessarily the end goal. I don't know, the people that around me and the ones that I've talked to online made me realize how important human relations are.
Being social creatures, just talking to another human being you get along with is intensely rewarding. I don't know, it's like, because of your relations with the other person, you can talk to them about anything that's on your mind. There's that feeling of openness and two-way interaction.
Of course, this depends highly on the person themselves. If I don't like you I will turn my nose up at you and walk away.
I guess it's because they make me feel valued and liked. I feel as though I'm wanted. I want to be wanted.
Growing up on the sidelines because people saw you as arrogant and cold can get to you sometimes. When someone you talk to seems to like you, seems to value you despite those qualities, you think to yourself, "Damn, what a real gem. I better keep talking to this person."
I will say I get a little possessive sometimes. Sometimes I don't feel wanted or valued enough and I do all sorts of things to make the other person want me. Sometimes to the point of nearly destroying the relationship.
My ego can get a little too carried away >.>
That being said I'm pretty glad I have friends that I talk to who have stuck around despite my attention whorish ways. I just need to work on how not to... idk be not attention whorish or not feel unwanted.
This is incredibly self-absorbed of me. I think I should just shut up.
