INTJMom
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2007
- Messages
- 5,413
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
Ugh! It's here again... that lonely feeling... desire for connection. I wonder if it's hormonally driven. All throughout the day I've been aching to speak to someone. Someone who knows me. Someone who'll encourage me. Someone who will validate my feelings.
I'm having a difficult time emotionally. We just found out that our insurance company is refusing to pay at least $18,000 worth of bills - because of technicalities - from my daughter having her gall bladder removed. The debt is all in my daughter's name, so perhaps because she's already $30,000 in debt from college loans, they might forgive the debt or reduce it at least, but my J wants to know NOW. I don't want to go through the grueling excruciating hassle of wondering and waiting, and the mounds of paperwork, phone calls, upset stomach and sleep loss.
Being overwhelmed by debt has ALWAYS been one of my worst fears. When I was single, I used to pay my bills as soon as I got them. I didn't wait until they were due. I was AFRAID to owe anybody money, especially if they were in a position of authority. If anyone could explain to me why, that would be great.
This morning when I woke up (at 3:30 AM) and couldn't get back to sleep, I thought of the words of Jesus, "So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings." Matthew 6:34
I've been sort of re-remembering that all day long, and it's been helping me, yet my flesh is still aching for comfort. A good deep tissue shoulder and neck massage would be perfect right now. Since that's not available and chocolate is, guess which one wins?
The one great thing about my job is that it requires so much concentration that I literally don't have time to think about anything else while I'm there, so I'm guaranteed at least 12 hours per week of not worrying about my problems.
Seriously, it's so insane... I had the computer quietly playing music the other day, and even the music was distracting!! I have never had that happen in my life! I love having music playing in the background, but this job requires so much juggling of thought that I can't afford to get distracted for one second! Anyway, as I said, that's not a bad thing right now.
- rambling begins here -
I finished all my Christmas shopping on Saturday. Did it all online, from 3 stores. I have NEVER been done this early! Heck, I don't think I've ever even STARTED this early! I also send out a Christmas Newsletter to about 100 family and friends, and I've got that all written and prepared. Just gotta prepare all the envelopes and stuff them... probably another 4-6 hours of work. The nearest I can figure is I got all thrown off by the stores setting out their Christmas stuff so early this year, I actually kept getting the feeling that I was late! And with my new job taking up a lot of my time, I was afraid of feeling like a loser again this year by waiting until it was too late to have a choice and ending up having to choose from what's already been picked over in all the stores. There's nothing good in the stores anyway. It's the same stupid stuff.
This year I got a really great catalog in the mail and so much of the stuff in there was stuff my family members would like, I guess that's what inspired me to get started on my shopping. Then I just wanted to get it over with, so I did the rest in the next couple of days. If you want to see it, their website is Lakeside.com
Well, I guess that's all the rambling for tonight.
I feel a little better now.
I'm having a difficult time emotionally. We just found out that our insurance company is refusing to pay at least $18,000 worth of bills - because of technicalities - from my daughter having her gall bladder removed. The debt is all in my daughter's name, so perhaps because she's already $30,000 in debt from college loans, they might forgive the debt or reduce it at least, but my J wants to know NOW. I don't want to go through the grueling excruciating hassle of wondering and waiting, and the mounds of paperwork, phone calls, upset stomach and sleep loss.
Being overwhelmed by debt has ALWAYS been one of my worst fears. When I was single, I used to pay my bills as soon as I got them. I didn't wait until they were due. I was AFRAID to owe anybody money, especially if they were in a position of authority. If anyone could explain to me why, that would be great.
This morning when I woke up (at 3:30 AM) and couldn't get back to sleep, I thought of the words of Jesus, "So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings." Matthew 6:34
I've been sort of re-remembering that all day long, and it's been helping me, yet my flesh is still aching for comfort. A good deep tissue shoulder and neck massage would be perfect right now. Since that's not available and chocolate is, guess which one wins?
The one great thing about my job is that it requires so much concentration that I literally don't have time to think about anything else while I'm there, so I'm guaranteed at least 12 hours per week of not worrying about my problems.
Seriously, it's so insane... I had the computer quietly playing music the other day, and even the music was distracting!! I have never had that happen in my life! I love having music playing in the background, but this job requires so much juggling of thought that I can't afford to get distracted for one second! Anyway, as I said, that's not a bad thing right now. - rambling begins here -
I finished all my Christmas shopping on Saturday. Did it all online, from 3 stores. I have NEVER been done this early! Heck, I don't think I've ever even STARTED this early! I also send out a Christmas Newsletter to about 100 family and friends, and I've got that all written and prepared. Just gotta prepare all the envelopes and stuff them... probably another 4-6 hours of work. The nearest I can figure is I got all thrown off by the stores setting out their Christmas stuff so early this year, I actually kept getting the feeling that I was late! And with my new job taking up a lot of my time, I was afraid of feeling like a loser again this year by waiting until it was too late to have a choice and ending up having to choose from what's already been picked over in all the stores. There's nothing good in the stores anyway. It's the same stupid stuff.
This year I got a really great catalog in the mail and so much of the stuff in there was stuff my family members would like, I guess that's what inspired me to get started on my shopping. Then I just wanted to get it over with, so I did the rest in the next couple of days. If you want to see it, their website is Lakeside.com
Well, I guess that's all the rambling for tonight.
I feel a little better now.
