[ENTP] Confused ENTP...

[Typology]

Dear Abby,

I've been meaning to ask somebody about this for awhile, or even just kind of slowly let it out, but as easy as that sounds, it's actually hard for me to put into words.

I'm 18 now and a senior in high school, and I think that I've either been shy my entire life, or that I just dislike most of my classmates. Ever since middle school it's just felt like everybody has been trying to fit into some pre-determined mold, some social order that up until that point, had never existed. I've always hated this, always rejected this until the point where I just become submissive, essentially ignore everybody, and don't really talk to anyone. Sure I have my friends that I play along with, pretend to be normal for, but there really isn't anybody that 'gets' me.

I know this is a bad combination of being shy/social anxiety and and an overall dislike of people, or maybe they're just defense mechanisms that this crazy brain of mine has worked up to protect me from the truth, whatever that means.... It always seems that whenever I try to talk to people that aren't in my immediate circle of friends an awkward rabble is always what comes out. I always feel, when I'm like this, that I have to impress the person that I'm talking to, that it is my job to make them laugh and feel good about themselves.

This isn't always what happens, I mean, when I'm 'on,' I can talk to literally anybody and give off a good impression. What I've noticed is that when I'm like this I'm usually content to just sit in my mind and let all these random ideas flow out. When I feel like this, I don't care what other people think--something I've always tried to obtain--and I'm essentially 'happy,' in one of my 'good moods.' I'm confident, I mean, I know what I can do and that I can do it better than most people, this applies to almost everything...not bragging...well, kind of. Self-reliant, etc. I think the times where I feel the best, where I feel completely content with who I am, is when I use the 5 Hour Energy drink things, I mean, they are amazing.

Now, my 'bad moods' aren't really your typical bad moods, I'm always pleasant to people, I'm not rude, I'm just that annoying nice guy who seems to be afraid to speak his mind. I'm not content to be in my mind, not comfortable with myself, and feel a sense of urgency to relate to and by accepted by my peers. Anytime I'm like this, which seems to be about 70% of the time, I always seem to know that I can do better, be the life of whatever crowd I'm in, but I always get the feeling of self-doubt, of why could anybody possibly care about what I have to say. Why am I better suited to talk over person X or person Y?

Now, this thread isn't me whining about how difficult my life is, or maybe it is , more me wondering whether or not other people have went through this and how they possibly got through it. Or maybe it's completely normal and I just have to get over myself. But, anyway, thanks for wasting a few minutes to read what I had to say, that is, assuming you got this far. And if you could excuse me for the cohesive errors?, I feel like I wrote this whole thing a sentence at a time.

 

[Synarch]

Nah, I relate to this. 18 was hard for me. I was very self-conscious especially before I felt confident with women. Just slow down and enjoy it. You're still...growing, my friend. Enjoy the confusion, enjoy the frustration, enjoy the drama of youth.

 

[ThatGirl]

I am often socially akward. For me its a little different though. I've learned to roll with my "heady" times, but if I am out and about and someone is trying to start a conversation with me, if I feel inclined to answer back, everything that comes out of my mouth will be retarded. Most of the time I will just find a nice spot in the corner to sit and watch...... Otherwise I'm bouncing from person to person, working the entire room.

As far as how to fix your problem I really don't know. Either learn to not be yourself or get comfortable standing on the outside at times. And jesus, get some self confidence.

 

[entropie]

This didnt even happen when I was 18, it happens now !

 

[thisGuy]

definitely been there...long before 18 though...

self doubt is a biggie with ENTPs...only way to get over this is to go out and play ball

socially awkward? go to the mall this weekend and strike up convos with random people...no mission in mind, play it by the ear

to have insight deep enough to map your own thinking and to be able to spot and realize ideas for what they are, is nothing short of amazing especially at 18...since you already know you are an ENTP and the above post describes ENTP by the book, only reason fpr your post was to brag with a side of excuses

so im guessing you dont connect to your friends at all...meh, i was like that too at 18...none of my friends really understood me

in my experience, life as an ENTP only gets better with age...

 

[Synarch]

in my experience, life as an ENTP only gets better with age...

ENTP mature so slowly. And we never completely mature, as far as I can tell. But, yea, I agree. It does seem to get a lot better.

 

[jenocyde]

Yeah, I definitely haven't matured with age, but I have gained more insight and perspective. I started to feel more comfortable when I stopped trying to fight who I was. Don't change yourself, just try and adjust how you see yourself.

As a teenager it was hard, especially being female, but you roll with the punches and believe me, it pays off. Life is wonderful, I promise.

 

[velocity]

wtf is maturation anyway? someone explain this to me.

 

[Synarch]

wtf is maturation anyway? someone explain this to me.

It's when your mental, emotional, and spiritual balls finally drop.

 

[thisGuy]

ENTP mature so slowly. And we never completely mature, as far as I can tell. But, yea, I agree. It does seem to get a lot better.

maturity? we'll leave that one to our parents

by age i meant you have so much experience under your belt that your Ne Ti go nuts making those connections and coming up with alternate ideas

 

[velocity]

It's when your mental, emotional, and spiritual balls finally drop.

yea, well. gravity tends to do that

 

[Gamine]

It's when your mental, emotional, and spiritual balls finally drop.

That sounds like work. I think I'd rather just go ...........

 

[Synarch]

That sounds like work. I think I'd rather just go ...........

What do you mean, Twink?

 

[Winds of Thor]

Dear Abby,

I've been meaning to ask somebody about this for awhile, or even just kind of slowly let it out, but as easy as that sounds, it's actually hard for me to put into words.

I'm 18 now and a senior in high school, and I think that I've either been shy my entire life, or that I just dislike most of my classmates. Ever since middle school it's just felt like everybody has been trying to fit into some pre-determined mold, some social order that up until that point, had never existed. I've always hated this, always rejected this until the point where I just become submissive, essentially ignore everybody, and don't really talk to anyone. Sure I have my friends that I play along with, pretend to be normal for, but there really isn't anybody that 'gets' me.

I know this is a bad combination of being shy/social anxiety and and an overall dislike of people, or maybe they're just defense mechanisms that this crazy brain of mine has worked up to protect me from the truth, whatever that means.... It always seems that whenever I try to talk to people that aren't in my immediate circle of friends an awkward rabble is always what comes out. I always feel, when I'm like this, that I have to impress the person that I'm talking to, that it is my job to make them laugh and feel good about themselves.

This isn't always what happens, I mean, when I'm 'on,' I can talk to literally anybody and give off a good impression. What I've noticed is that when I'm like this I'm usually content to just sit in my mind and let all these random ideas flow out. When I feel like this, I don't care what other people think--something I've always tried to obtain--and I'm essentially 'happy,' in one of my 'good moods.' I'm confident, I mean, I know what I can do and that I can do it better than most people, this applies to almost everything...not bragging...well, kind of. Self-reliant, etc. I think the times where I feel the best, where I feel completely content with who I am, is when I use the 5 Hour Energy drink things, I mean, they are amazing.

Now, my 'bad moods' aren't really your typical bad moods, I'm always pleasant to people, I'm not rude, I'm just that annoying nice guy who seems to be afraid to speak his mind. I'm not content to be in my mind, not comfortable with myself, and feel a sense of urgency to relate to and by accepted by my peers. Anytime I'm like this, which seems to be about 70% of the time, I always seem to know that I can do better, be the life of whatever crowd I'm in, but I always get the feeling of self-doubt, of why could anybody possibly care about what I have to say. Why am I better suited to talk over person X or person Y?

Now, this thread isn't me whining about how difficult my life is, or maybe it is , more me wondering whether or not other people have went through this and how they possibly got through it. Or maybe it's completely normal and I just have to get over myself. But, anyway, thanks for wasting a few minutes to read what I had to say, that is, assuming you got this far. And if you could excuse me for the cohesive errors?, I feel like I wrote this whole thing a sentence at a time.

I went through some of these 'things' too...trust me..just think about and do other interests and by the way, do make mistakes on purpose...that way you will learn. Yea, I said make mistakes on purpose. This will help you make connections only yourself will realize and also keep you developing quicker to soon get to realize that not for any time or for even the smallest amount or thought, that you are any different or not normal in other words, from other ENTPs...in those years of development.

 

[Kyrielle]

Dear Abby,

I've been meaning to ask somebody about this for awhile, or even just kind of slowly let it out, but as easy as that sounds, it's actually hard for me to put into words.

I'm 18 now and a senior in high school, and I think that I've either been shy my entire life, or that I just dislike most of my classmates. Ever since middle school it's just felt like everybody has been trying to fit into some pre-determined mold, some social order that up until that point, had never existed. I've always hated this, always rejected this until the point where I just become submissive, essentially ignore everybody, and don't really talk to anyone. Sure I have my friends that I play along with, pretend to be normal for, but there really isn't anybody that 'gets' me.

I know this is a bad combination of being shy/social anxiety and and an overall dislike of people, or maybe they're just defense mechanisms that this crazy brain of mine has worked up to protect me from the truth, whatever that means.... It always seems that whenever I try to talk to people that aren't in my immediate circle of friends an awkward rabble is always what comes out. I always feel, when I'm like this, that I have to impress the person that I'm talking to, that it is my job to make them laugh and feel good about themselves.

This isn't always what happens, I mean, when I'm 'on,' I can talk to literally anybody and give off a good impression. What I've noticed is that when I'm like this I'm usually content to just sit in my mind and let all these random ideas flow out. When I feel like this, I don't care what other people think--something I've always tried to obtain--and I'm essentially 'happy,' in one of my 'good moods.' I'm confident, I mean, I know what I can do and that I can do it better than most people, this applies to almost everything...not bragging...well, kind of. Self-reliant, etc. I think the times where I feel the best, where I feel completely content with who I am, is when I use the 5 Hour Energy drink things, I mean, they are amazing.

Now, my 'bad moods' aren't really your typical bad moods, I'm always pleasant to people, I'm not rude, I'm just that annoying nice guy who seems to be afraid to speak his mind. I'm not content to be in my mind, not comfortable with myself, and feel a sense of urgency to relate to and by accepted by my peers. Anytime I'm like this, which seems to be about 70% of the time, I always seem to know that I can do better, be the life of whatever crowd I'm in, but I always get the feeling of self-doubt, of why could anybody possibly care about what I have to say. Why am I better suited to talk over person X or person Y?

Now, this thread isn't me whining about how difficult my life is, or maybe it is , more me wondering whether or not other people have went through this and how they possibly got through it. Or maybe it's completely normal and I just have to get over myself. But, anyway, thanks for wasting a few minutes to read what I had to say, that is, assuming you got this far. And if you could excuse me for the cohesive errors?, I feel like I wrote this whole thing a sentence at a time.

It will get better. You will find more people suited for understanding you. Or at least accepting you. Or willing to try to understand you. Anyway, that should help with some confidence/anxiety issues. It will make you feel less isolated and like your thoughts actually do matter, even if it's only one other person.

I think...18 is the age when most people, or most "odd" people, are growing into their metaphorical shoes still. Once you find that they fit, you'll find yourself dancing along seamlessly. This happens at a different time for everyone.

 

[tibby]

I think...18 is the age when most people, or most "odd" people, are growing into their metaphorical shoes still. Once you find that they fit, you'll find yourself dancing along seamlessly. This happens at a different time for everyone.

I agree, that's what happens. Don't worry, you'll get there.

 

[Fluffywolf]

It's when your mental, emotional, and spiritual balls finally drop.

Once you've matured, you've got nothing exciting to look out for anymore. So it's best to hang on to them for as long as you can.

 

[Gamine]

What do you mean, Twink?

Oh, just the old cover-up-insecurity-with-an-attempt-at-joking.

On a more real level, I'm sorry you feel like that. It's encouraging to see so many who share that experience, and I wish I could give you some wisdom to get out of it, but I'm definitely still there. Involved, but always at a distance.

A mentor shared some great advice with me though, so I will try my best to communicate it they way I received it. I think it was originally said by Maya Angelou, so I'm paraphrasing:

People will not remember what you said, they will remember how you made them feel.

Hearing this, and understanding this really took a weight off my shoulders. I started focussing on learning what kinds of questions to ask people, how to ask them, how to react to their answers, all with the goal of getting that social interaction when I am not "on" to still be something pleasant and enjoyable. It gets me off the stage and gives me the opportunity to listen and learn about someone else, even if I already had a negative opinion of them before. It sounds like you value communication as much as I do, being able to change my communication style and strategies to fit another person has left me accused of "changing who I am" too often by others. But I see it as being adaptable and considerate, bridging the gap between yourself and another to communicate effectively.

I'm also working on choosing my battles. Battles being moments when I choose to contribute what I'm thinking. Not always putting in my thoughts unless I can see significant value in their addition, because others see this as being challenging, when all I want to do is develop ideas.

I hope that you cut yourself some slack. You have a lot to offer yourself and others. Stay hungry, stay foolish!

 

[jenocyde]

^
+1

 

[Ardea]

When you're 18, you're young.

Fuck it!

Just go!

Fuck the consequences!

Just live.

I loved every second of being a teenager because I did this. It doesn't work very well in college or in post-college life either.

Drugs. Sex. Late nights. Drinking. Lose your temper. Run after women. Cry. Feel. Excess. Be fake. Be real. Be loud. Stop caring and just ramble. Annoy. Taste. Abuse your brain. Abuse your heart. Abuse your reputation. Protest. Engage. Run with bad people. Run with anyone. JUST DO!

Try it all! You only have yourself to blame for your stagnation.

You can't find your niche if you haven't tried fitting into different ones.

You only live once, so why hold yourself back??? Can you tell I'm a 7???


***But do pay attention to your Ne. It's the one thing that kept me out of serious trouble, and possibly alive.