Communication Difficulties Between Sensors and Intuitives

[Snow as White]

I am surrounded by other N types but have a few S types peppered here and there.

My stepmother is an ISFJ 3w2 so/sp (or sp/so). So many disconnections between conversations. She asks me a question, and I answer directly. She decides she "doesn't believe me" and "fact checks" with my siblings to "get the truth." It drives me insane because if I don't want to answer something I will just say, "nope." If I answer, I am being honest. But then she also doesn't understand my joking style and either takes me literally or 100% seriously so my little jokes just cause more trouble than they are worth speaking.

I have better luck with Se types like ISTPs. I feel like they are good at discerning the real truth underneath things, see when I am making jokes, or see when I myself am missing their point.

 

[Metis]

Yes. In such a situation, he would complain about the landlord not keeping his word, but not follow up with action to correct the situation. We often have exchanges like this:

INTJ: Did Bob do X yet?
INTP: I told him to.
INTJ: But did he actually do it?
INTP: I don't know. He said he would.

This makes me want to tear my hair out. See, to my INTP, it was enough to tell Bob what to do, and to hear (or assume) his agreement. If he acknowledges the possibility that Bob might forget, or deliberately choose not to do it, he sees no need to make provisions for that possibility. Situations sometimes drag on for weeks this way. I am left with the choice of leaving it undone, following up myself (when it was something INTP had agreed to do, so I thought was off my plate), or taking INTP to task about it and getting into an argument. Honestly, most of our arguments are over things like this, but then we are both N's, so this doesn't say anything about the S/N divide.

This is a problem I have: If I take a "let's wait and see" approach, things are likely not to happen as promised. If I take a more driving approach, people are more likely to want to retaliate by both (a) not doing as agreed upon, and (b) maligning me behind my back to others, in ways that I don't know how to counteract.

 

[Metis]

I am surrounded by other N types but have a few S types peppered here and there.

My stepmother is an ISFJ 3w2 so/sp (or sp/so). So many disconnections between conversations. She asks me a question, and I answer directly. She decides she "doesn't believe me" and "fact checks" with my siblings to "get the truth." It drives me insane because if I don't want to answer something I will just say, "nope." If I answer, I am being honest. But then she also doesn't understand my joking style and either takes me literally or 100% seriously so my little jokes just cause more trouble than they are worth speaking.

I have better luck with Se types like ISTPs. I feel like they are good at discerning the real truth underneath things, see when I am making jokes, or see when I myself am missing their point.

Above happens to me with certain people, too. It makes it hard to "just be yourself" around people, when this is something to be concerned about, because sometimes it can lead to a serious and uncontrollable outcome.

I come across as quiet or introverted a lot largely because of this. It's just that I'm holding my tongue, trying not to say anything that someone might take to mean something completely different. I've seen enough trouble related to misunderstandings.

I like ESTPs oftentimes, partly for the same reason you said you like ISTPs. Usually I can joke with ESTPs, and they'll know that I'm joking. Sometimes my jokes don't make sense to people other than myself, including the hypothetical ESTP, but they're not likely to jump to the conclusion that I'm just a psycho or an asshole.

 

[tinker683]

I think some of this may be the difference between Ni and Ne. Ni usually understands very well that it is a real possibility that the tenant won't pay the rent on time, or the landlord won't fix X, and will take precautions to handle such a situation. This opens us to criticism for being pessimistic, not trusting, even paranoid, but it is well worth it when our suspicions prove correct, and our precautions save us a great deal of trouble.

This is the part where I post some kind of Ugandan Knuckles meme with the words, “Welcome the true queen my bruddas!” But I’m on a tablet and I’m lazy so that’s not happening. But really though, the things Nis users are accused of in your quote I know I have been accused of myself multiple times.

I have very little personal experience with Ns outside of the ones I occasionally work with, the ones I’ve dated and am currently married too but I have no doubt you’re right.

My INTP, in contrast, will point to the landlord's promise to fix something as all that needs to be said. "But what if he doesn't fix it? How long are we going to wait while it stays broken?" He won't have an answer. He won't feel the need to remind the landlord because he did say he would fix it, after all. I will want to document everything, to find out my legal rights, e.g. to fix it myself and send the bill to the landlord, etc. I have always viewed it as the difference between being focused on the end goal vs. on the process.

That flummoxes me. I’ve met individuals like this and they are so sweet!

I had a guy who had a septic tank backing up into his yard for WEEKS and deigned to inform me of it only after I sent someone over there to look at his dishwasher. When I asked him why he didn’t call me before he told me, “Well one of your handymen told me he would tell you guys so I just assumed you were on it and didn’t want to bother you.”

I told them that I greatly appreciated his confidence in us but that my handyman had not informed me of any such thing and that while I *deeply* appreciated his desire not to offend me, that he was perfectly justified in calling me wanting to know what was going on with the honest-to-god poop fountain in his backyard

 

[Yuurei]

My best friend is very strong "S:" and sometimes he is impossible to talk to.

It's as if there were a speech bubble above my head and if he sees a single misspelling he says " I have no idea what you're talking about."Everything I say needs to be very specific or he doesn't get it. (for ex I went to the pharmacy for a refill to find they had expired. I said it was "Stupid that "they" even allow prescriptions for incurable issues to expire." He got annoyed and said "THEY aren't responsible. They are just following the rules."
I was confused. " I never said it was the pharmacies fault! I meant "they" as in whomever made up those rules."
Even once a topic of conversation has been established I cannot use words like "That" "them" or "it." Or he will act like I'm speaking an entirely different language " I don't know what "THAT " is!"

Something that is frustrating at the time but amusing in the end is that often times I will ask him a question and his answer will be something seemingly entirely irrelevant and after a few back and forth of repeated questions and answers and much frustration from both sides a third party ( usually my husband) will finally step in and explain that were both in fact saying the very same thing.
Yes, he did understand my question and he was answering it correctly.

 

[Population: 1]

Yes. In such a situation, he would complain about the landlord not keeping his word, but not follow up with action to correct the situation. We often have exchanges like this:

INTJ: Did Bob do X yet?
INTP: I told him to.
INTJ: But did he actually do it?
INTP: I don't know. He said he would.

This makes me want to tear my hair out. See, to my INTP, it was enough to tell Bob what to do, and to hear (or assume) his agreement. If he acknowledges the possibility that Bob might forget, or deliberately choose not to do it, he sees no need to make provisions for that possibility. Situations sometimes drag on for weeks this way. I am left with the choice of leaving it undone, following up myself (when it was something INTP had agreed to do, so I thought was off my plate), or taking INTP to task about it and getting into an argument. Honestly, most of our arguments are over things like this, but then we are both N's, so this doesn't say anything about the S/N divide.

Lmao Sorry Coriolis but that dialogue exchange is priceless! Hahaha!

Sorry this is a conversation I’ve had with a SO. I’m INTP in this case. I’ve heard my mom and dad do the same thing.

 

[á´…eparted]

If I have communication issues with someone, I am more liable to have issues with Ne, than I am with S's.

 

[Galena]

If I have communication issues with someone, I am more liable to have issues with Ne, than I am with S's.

I need a Ne translator. Sorry, you guys.

My best friend is very strong "S:" and sometimes he is impossible to talk to.

It's as if there were a speech bubble above my head and if he sees a single misspelling he says " I have no idea what you're talking about."Everything I say needs to be very specific or he doesn't get it. (for ex I went to the pharmacy for a refill to find they had expired. I said it was "Stupid that "they" even allow prescriptions for incurable issues to expire." He got annoyed and said "THEY aren't responsible. They are just following the rules."
I was confused. " I never said it was THEIR (the pharmacies) fault!"

We are all S, but oh my god, this is my parents! They are STs while I am SF, for the record. It's why I almost never vent to others unless I absolutely am at the end of my restraint, because reflexes say that it's going to invite a debate.

 

[1487610420]

 

[Snow as White]

Above happens to me with certain people, too. It makes it hard to "just be yourself" around people, when this is something to be concerned about, because sometimes it can lead to a serious and uncontrollable outcome.

I come across as quiet or introverted a lot largely because of this. It's just that I'm holding my tongue, trying not to say anything that someone might take to mean something completely different. I've seen enough trouble related to misunderstandings.

I like ESTPs oftentimes, partly for the same reason you said you like ISTPs. Usually I can joke with ESTPs, and they'll know that I'm joking. Sometimes my jokes don't make sense to people other than myself, including the hypothetical ESTP, but they're not likely to jump to the conclusion that I'm just a psycho or an asshole.

Lol, yes.

Over Christmas I was visiting... And she wanted to watch a movie. It's Christmas so it's ROMCOM time she says. I.... hate ROMCOMS. But it is indeed Christmas and I have a smart phone for a reason so I don't care what is on. She puts it on, I play a phone game, paying about as much attention to the plot as needed (ie: not much). I don't make fun of the plot, I don't laugh at the ludicrous twists. I sit and enjoy her company and just being home. At the end she goes "Well, I guess you didn't seem to care about this movie much." Me: *shrug* "It was fine. I'm just not a RomCom kind of person." Flustered anger erupts and for the rest of my trip anytime we would watch anything on TV she made a big production out of seeing if it fit with what I like. When... again, IDC!

/turtle story over

 

[LittleCat]

I love listening to N thoughts and conversations. The topics can often go over my head once the conversation starts deepening, but luckily the few Ns I do know have always been very sweet and patient in explaining what exactly they mean. Exchanging ideas with intuitives is stimulating! Ne’s ability to come up with so many ideas is especially amazing to me, but can also be draining - my energy level is sadly naturally low... I do try to keep up though!

I know how difficult it can be for intuitives in a world of sensors, so I try my best to understand you and really enjoy having you as friends.

(To be completely honest, the group I have the hardest time with are J’s with the exception of INFJs).

 

[Abcdenfp]

I think because IRL i am surrounded by sensors, for me I find myself explaining what seems random to them. I often get asked how I came to a conclusion. The want to have a linear path to a conclusion and I work in spirals.. But honestly any time i get to engage with an Intuit it feels like a system override has taken place , especially Intuitive Feelers, (but 2 NF's can have to much emotional frequency collisions )

 

[Lady_X]

i just realized i'm totally not around sensors much at all lately. no one thinks i'm weird and random at all anymore...i'm not sure i like that either tbh.

 

[Luminous]

i just realized i'm totally not around sensors much at all lately. no one thinks i'm weird and random at all anymore...i'm not sure i like that either tbh.

Wow! I just have to comment because I've seen so many of your posts since I joined, and am glad to see you active!

 

[Lady_X]

Wow! I just have to comment because I've seen so many of your posts since I joined, and am glad to see you active!

oh hai

 

[Abcdenfp]

Wow! I just have to comment because I've seen so many of your posts since I joined, and am glad to see you active!

lol ditto!

 

[FemMecha]

I think my Ni is strong, so I don't know if I have a huge conflict, but there is distinctly something that is a huge problem in communication that relates to a contrast of abstract and concrete with me.

This has to do with the handling of language especially in relationship to anecdote. I've recently had a notion that iNuitives can lean towards using language to most accurately express an idea, and Sensors are attempting to most closely represent reality. I find in discussion that people respond to personal anecdote as though it is crafted to best represent an idea rather than an experience. I get a feeling that they do not realize that what I'm saying is quite literal and then their response is as though it was hyperbole or... I'm not certain how to describe it, but almost like it is mere strategy. There was a recent exchange where someone made a comment that sounded like anecdote and I took it literally and they thought I knew it wasn't literal. I had no idea because my comments are.

There is something in what I'm describing that is a problem and has caused shock and pain for me over the years, but it helps to understand the differences in language use: one approach to accurately represent an idea at the expense of representing reality and the other approach to accurately represent reality at the expense of an idea. IDK.

 

[Morpeko]

I'm pretty good with both Se and Ni (if I do say so myself), and while my communication tends to heavily lean more toward the blunt and realistic side of things, I would say that I'm pretty good at understanding more abstract conversations as well. I do have a problem with daydreaming while people are talking to me, but that happens regardless of whom I'm talking to. I've had no notable problems with communicating with an S that wouldn't happen with an N, and vice versa.