Communication Difficulties Between Sensors and Intuitives

[Dreamer]

This is no Intuitive superiority thread (ugh...), and I already have my own thoughts on this, but I am interested in hearing what you guys think.

What are some of the differences in your experience, that Sensors and Intuitives communicate or think, that opens the potential to wide miscommunication. I feel each dichotomy has its own communication challenges like between Introverts and Extroverts, Perceivers and Judgers, and of course, the more generalized you go, the less accurate you will find your results to be. But of those generalities between the S and N types, where do you personally find the most difficulty, or most frequent communication challenges? Personally, I feel this particular dichotomy is where I find the most difference in communication style between me and others, more so than between Fe and Fi (where my second place medal would hang)

I'll throw out one to get started here. This isn't a very specific point, but I've noticed in the past that if a Sensor and Intuitive get into argument, and I happen to be within their proximity, many times, the two are saying exactly the same thing and in some cases, actually agree! But because they are thinking and communicating their ideas in vastly different ways, they think the other is arguing against their point, only because the other perspective isn't being presented in a way easily understood by the other.

So what do you guys think? Are there any cases where you've seen miscommunication between S and N types, and more interesting to me, do you have an idea as to WHY or HOW those disagreements come about?

Thanks!

 

[Poki]

This is no Intuitive superiority thread (ugh...), and I already have my own thoughts on this, but I am interested in hearing what you guys think.

What are some of the differences in your experience, that Sensors and Intuitives communicate or think, that opens the potential to wide miscommunication. I feel each dichotomy has its own communication challenges like between Introverts and Extroverts, Perceivers and Judgers, and of course, the more generalized you go, the less accurate you will find your results to be. But of those generalities between the S and N types, where do you personally find the most difficulty, or most frequent communication challenges? Personally, I feel this particular dichotomy is where I find the most difference in communication style between me and others, more so than between Fe and Fi (where my second place medal would hang)

I'll throw out one to get started here. This isn't a very specific point, but I've noticed in the past that if a Sensor and Intuitive get into argument, and I happen to be within their proximity, many times, the two are saying exactly the same thing and in some cases, actually agree! But because they are thinking and communicating their ideas in vastly different ways, they think the other is arguing against their point, only because the other perspective isn't being presented in a way easily understood by the other.

So what do you guys think? Are there any cases where you've seen miscommunication between S and N types, and more interesting to me, do you have an idea as to WHY or HOW those disagreements come about?

Thanks!

That example is my GF and my Son...lmao. or they are arguing 2 different points that dont even relate to each other and both maybe right about their point or both wrong about it.

I see this as an Ne vs Si conflict.

I frequently step in and tell them to stop, the argument is stupid and point out why. Usually stops at that point or we hit each persons point in its own argument/discussion.

I think Ne can point out what you said because it looks outside the box...but that same outside the box creates the arguing over 2 different things that are very loosely coupled.

 

[Dreamer]

That example is my GF and my Son...lmao. or they are arguing 2 different points that dont even relate to each other and both maybe right about their point or both wrong about it.

I see this as an Ne vs Si conflict.

I frequently step in and tell them to stop, the argument is stupid and point out why. Usually stops at that point or we hit each persons point in its own argument/discussion.

I think Ne can point out what you said because it looks outside the box...but that same outside the box creates the arguing over 2 different things that are very loosely coupled.

Oh interesting, so do you feel this particular scenario I bring up may actually be a misunderstanding between different functions altogether? Also, it would explain how I see this sort of thing SO easily when I'm not involved in the argument, however, can also run into the exact situation myself, say, with my ISFJ mom. Though, even if I do see what's happening while I'm in an argument with her, she insists she understands what I'm saying when I tell her we're really on the same side in opinion, but she doesn't. Since she then continues on arguing her same points, when I actually agree with her!

 

[ceecee]

I'm surrounded by other N's. My husband ENFJ. Our son INTP. I do have some S friends and coworkers but it's pretty rare that I get into disagreements with them. My parents are both S's and they really are the worst. You can't talk any sense into them at all. They also act more childish the older they get so I find myself parenting them, even subconsciously. I mentally prepare for whatever stupid shit they're going to do/say way before they do it. My ENFJ often volunteers to handle them. I don't want to put that headache on him but, they like him better than me and tend to listen to him when he speaks.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I think it happens when a party doesn't "show their thinking" and assumes both are aware of the "facts". So when a different conclusion is met, each thinks the other is blatantly ignoring or discarding vital information.

When more likely, they aren't crossing wires over the "facts" but the priority of what needs to be done about them.

The vastness of small differences kind of thing.

 

[Poki]

Me and my INTJ dad bicker alot, can become heated. We always undsrstand eacher though. We just dont always agree. Heated bicker is rare. Usually when we work together one just gets past introverted function and goes with others idea. Pretty much a lets see. Niether of us judges the other on whether it worked or not. Things dont get even close to that level.

Me and ENFP have moments of not understanding, most are usually worked out quicker. She gets mad at me sometimes because i argue my point without letting her fully speak. When she gets it all out i have same thought, just different focus. End up a difference of angle, instead different picture. I can usually see those different angles instantly subconciously.

I know NTJs and NFPs argue do to NTJ dismissal of detail and desire for abstraction. NTJ argues how concept works, NFP argues its not accurate.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I seem to be mitigating these problems a LOT better in recent years. Like many people, when I first joined a typology community, it opened my eyes to N/S differences that has caused me problems, and I felt resentment. But having gained that awareness, I seem to deal better with it so that it's not something I consider such an obstacle anymore.

With Se types, I just avoid getting too hypothetical (most problematic with actual Se-dominants). To make a point, it's better for me to reference something real as an illustration. I also try not to cut S types off when they get very linear and detailed, but this still internally irks me. Sometimes I do interject to get the main points & bottom line. I used to almost feel rage when SFs would get into detailed people talk (essentially gossip, but not necessarily harmful or false), but I am more patient with it.

My whole life I have been aware that almost no one wants to hear my philosophical musings and discussion of hypothetical future developments, so the biggest complaint towards me is that I simply don't talk much (whereas online, my long-windedness is probably annoying). I am not as shy as I once was, so I mostly participate socially with quipping here & there. I am sure my communication style irritates sensing types at times, but I more often hear complaints related to being an introvert from people, and sometimes Fi via inferior Te (ie irritable or too raw). IRL, I mostly annoy people with "lack of Fe" because I am a woman and that's what's expected.

My biggest problems with sensing types now is usually with SJ types (and usually enneagram 1s or 6s) and it's more about lifestyle. The way I live bothers them. This is not morality...it's about order and intention. I appear chaotic and inconsistent, and perhaps irresponsible. I get bad motive ascribed to me, which I don't appreciate.

 

[Poki]

I think it happens when a party doesn't "show their thinking" and assumes both are aware of the "facts". So when a different conclusion is met, each thinks the other is blatantly ignoring or discarding vital information.

When more likely, they aren't crossing wires over the "facts" but the priority of what needs to be done about them.

The vastness of small differences kind of thing.

Preferences and opinions confused with best way and fact respectively.

 

[1487610420]

sleep better, lower stress, distance

 

[Agent Washington]

..Hmm. This does make me wonder if I'm an N type, but I highly doubt it.

Either way, I find it's a certain sort of openness that allows for better communication; some type of people are impossible to talk to, not because they are any mbti type, but because they're just people who aren't easy to talk to and won't consider others' viewpoints.

This isn't limited to S / N dichotomies or functions.

[insert rant about my intj 'roommate' here.]

 

[Yama]

i cry inside when intuitives try to talk to me about shit that's too unrealistic to be bothered with even hypothetically

 

[OrangeAppled]

i cry inside when intuitives try to talk to me about shit that's too unrealistic to be bothered with even hypothetically

Serious question.... do you watch tv/movies or read books with stuff that is too unrealistic to be bothered with hypothetically?

 

[Yama]

Serious question.... do you watch tv/movies or read books with stuff that is too unrealistic to be bothered with hypothetically?

While I do love fantasy novels... my favorite TV shows tend to be the "slice of life" genre. I also have found in the past few years that I really like autobiographies and memoirs. I have also found that, despite my love of fantasy novels, there has to be some realistic aspect to it for me to enjoy it... if it's too "out there" it becomes unrelatable. I like to know what's going on, and it's easier for me to know what's going on if I've experienced something similar or it's some sort of regular occurrence.

There is this one anime that gets amazing reviews... it's got a deep touching story, but I just can't watch it, because it makes no sense to me. The way the story is told is too far off the deep end for me to comprehend. I like when stories make you think and have philosophical aspects to them, but this particular medium was far too overdone, to the point that I didn't even know what was going on, I was constantly confused, and it ruined the enjoyment aspect for me.

My favorite stories tend to be the slice of life dramas--a really touching or heartbreaking story that hits you right in the feels because it's so relatable.

 

[Coriolis]

What are some of the differences in your experience, that Sensors and Intuitives communicate or think, that opens the potential to wide miscommunication. I feel each dichotomy has its own communication challenges like between Introverts and Extroverts, Perceivers and Judgers, and of course, the more generalized you go, the less accurate you will find your results to be. But of those generalities between the S and N types, where do you personally find the most difficulty, or most frequent communication challenges? Personally, I feel this particular dichotomy is where I find the most difference in communication style between me and others, more so than between Fe and Fi (where my second place medal would hang)

First, I find personally at least as much trouble bridging the T/F gap as S/N. I cannot say, though, that Fe/Te(inf Fi) plays no part in that. At the same time, the types I seem to have most difficulty communicating with are both S and F. I can understand NF and ST much better than SF of any type.

I'll throw out one to get started here. This isn't a very specific point, but I've noticed in the past that if a Sensor and Intuitive get into argument, and I happen to be within their proximity, many times, the two are saying exactly the same thing and in some cases, actually agree! But because they are thinking and communicating their ideas in vastly different ways, they think the other is arguing against their point, only because the other perspective isn't being presented in a way easily understood by the other.

So what do you guys think? Are there any cases where you've seen miscommunication between S and N types, and more interesting to me, do you have an idea as to WHY or HOW those disagreements come about?

I have seen what you describe above - people not realizing that they do in fact agree - but never looked at it in terms of N/S difference. That might have been a significant factor. As I mentioned, I don't usually have much trouble communicating with STs, but I suspect Te aux helps there. It is easy for me to pull out "just the facts" if they seem to want it, and to see the big picture if they provide me enough of their details and observations.

What I do notice is that I can get very impatient with what I feel is a needlessly linear presentation, dotting every i and crossing every t. Sometimes this line is far from straight - more like a squiggle going back and forth around the page. That is even worse. we still can't skip any steps, but it loses even the directionality (hope for reaching the end) of a truly linear approach. One of my best friends is certainly an S, though I can't decide between T and F. (If he is indeed an F, he would be a significant exception to everything else I say here about SFs.) We enjoy discussing some of the same topics, e.g. history, science fiction, and our work, but he likes to meander leisurely around a topic, peering into every nook and cranny, leaving no conversational stone unturned. I want to scan the room, dig into the corners that look truly interesting, then take things to their (to me) logical follow on point. That can make me a bit impatient, too, but he is such a good friend, I cannot hold it against him.

For the most past, SFs seem to be speaking a completely different language. I often have difficulty communicating with them even over the most basic matters, e.g. who will set up coffee for an event. Makes me wonder sometimes (uncharitably, I admit) how they even navigate life.

My favorite stories tend to be the slice of life dramas--a really touching or heartbreaking story that hits you right in the feels because it's so relatable.

Oh, good grief - that is the LAST thing I want to read or watch. Movies like "It's a wonderful life" just make me want to tear my hair out.

 

[Dreamer]

I think it happens when a party doesn't "show their thinking" and assumes both are aware of the "facts". So when a different conclusion is met, each thinks the other is blatantly ignoring or discarding vital information.

When more likely, they aren't crossing wires over the "facts" but the priority of what needs to be done about them.

The vastness of small differences kind of thing.

I think an issue I run into, I'm guessing I must annoy Se doms more, is that I never just speak directly to the point. When I explain something or even answer a question, it's never some cut and dry, here's my answer sort of response. To me, though, providing that fluff is necessary as it's how I would like to receive information. I can try to communicate in a way that the other person would appreciate or best understand, but it wouldn't feel right for me to do so, since in my mind, that directness, loses the complexity I am trying to convey. It's like throwing out an unfinished art piece because you know you have already met some quota the teacher is looking for, to receive an A.

Actually...I'm doing it right now To cut to the chase, I feel I DO show my thinking since I tend to think out loud and brainstorm with others as a way of communication, but I feel the problem is, in my case, is that other people may see all this extraneous speech as nonsense, but to me, it's how I understand and learn things easiest, is to bounce it around and "play" with it externally.

 

[Dreamer]

Me and my INTJ dad bicker alot, can become heated. We always undsrstand eacher though. We just dont always agree. Heated bicker is rare. Usually when we work together one just gets past introverted function and goes with others idea. Pretty much a lets see. Niether of us judges the other on whether it worked or not. Things dont get even close to that level.

Me and ENFP have moments of not understanding, most are usually worked out quicker. She gets mad at me sometimes because i argue my point without letting her fully speak. When she gets it all out i have same thought, just different focus. End up a difference of angle, instead different picture. I can usually see those different angles instantly subconciously.

I know NTJs and NFPs argue do to NTJ dismissal of detail and desire for abstraction. NTJ argues how concept works, NFP argues its not accurate.

I like this a lot, as I feel that tends to be the case more often than not, in the dialogues I've had with people. Speaking about the example I posted in the thread's first post, I believe Sensors and Intuitives often both see "7", but will come into disagreement at times because the Sensor may have gotten to the 7 by 4+3, whereas the Intuitive may have gotten there by 5+2. There is ultimately, no difference in opinion, but because the sensor is looking for the 4 and 3 in the intuitive, and the intuitive is looking for 5 and 2 in the sensor, each can be led to believe that the other is not seeing what they see.

 

[Yama]

Metaphors. I really, really hate trying to interpret and keep up with metaphors. Say what you mean!

 

[Coriolis]

Metaphors. I really, really hate trying to interpret and keep up with metaphors. Say what you mean!

I always do. To do otherwise would be nothing more than the proverbial tale of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I think an issue I run into, I'm guessing I must annoy Se doms more, is that I never just speak directly to the point. When I explain something or even answer a question, it's never some cut and dry, here's my answer sort of response. To me, though, providing that fluff is necessary as it's how I would like to receive information. I can try to communicate in a way that the other person would appreciate or best understand, but it wouldn't feel right for me to do so, since in my mind, that directness, loses the complexity I am trying to convey. It's like throwing out an unfinished art piece because you know you have already met some quota the teacher is looking for, to receive an A.

Actually...I'm doing it right now To cut to the chase, I feel I DO show my thinking since I tend to think out loud and brainstorm with others as a way of communication, but I feel the problem is, in my case, is that other people may see all this extraneous speech as nonsense, but to me, it's how I understand and learn things easiest, is to bounce it around and "play" with it externally.

Yeah. That's typical N communication style. The only thing I will say that helps ease frustration for myself is if you state the end first then go back, if it's possible. It will keep their attention longer.

I know because with my ENFP, I'll interrupt with a "What's your point here?" It's not to be rude, it's because I can't follow. Literally! I don't know where he's going. For me to pay attention, I have to know what we are talking about exactly.

Then once I have a baseline, he can go back and fill in the nuance and I've got no problem listening.

 

[Evo]

Yeah. That's typical N communication style. The only thing I will say that helps ease frustration for myself is if you state the end first then go back, if it's possible. It will keep their attention longer.

I know because with my ENFP, I'll interrupt with a "What's your point here?" It's not to be rude, it's because I can't follow. Literally! I don't know where he's going. For me to pay attention, I have to know what we are talking about exactly.

Then once I have a baseline, he can go back and fill in the nuance and I've got no problem listening.

Ni