Carrying Other People's Burdens

[Coeur]

Posed as a question to some friends.

Galations 6:2- " Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

I have two conflicting views of this, and would like some insight.

Obviously, there is great benefit in a community of people that love and help one another. I understand that. My discrepancy has to do NOT with big issues, but big issue people. Meaning: the person you're trying to help is hopelessly broken, negative, and toxic, and they become increasingly dependent on you. YOU are the one filling THEIR void and they cannot function without you. YOU struggle to 'fix' their broken situation that is not yours to fix and you are inevitably brought down with them.

This has happened to me repeatedly with various friends and others. I continuously find myself in the 'rescuer' role. The other person always gives off a: "I need you and will break down if you are not there for me" tone. I've had people threaten suicide if I do not talk to them right then, right now, about whatever is troubling them. I've had people blame me for their hurt, degrade me for not filling their void, and accuse me of having a negative impact on their life. Whenever other friends try to get me out of these relationships, I always have the excuse: "it's my job as a Christian to help them." Even on a personal level, I think: “I’ve felt hurt before and I was all alone; I would have loved someone to be there for me. “ Nonetheless, I end up pulling away, not because I no longer care, but because I physically cannot bear it any longer. In most situations, I end up doing far more harm than good, because I end up disappointing them.

Clearly, these situations are unhealthy. I'm both tired of feeling obligated to be involved with such people, as well as feeling helpless and guilty when I cannot help a situation. At the same time, the Bible says to love one another and bear each other's burdens.

I look at it in several ways, and for the most part I blame myself. By helping them, I encourage them to come to me, and not to God. However, sometimes they do not know God. If they are Christians and I push them towards God, they appear to go towards him, but still depend on me. There's the verse: "do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Sometimes I’m close to the people I help, but there are other times when they latch on without my encouragement. I've come to a point where I have decided to shoot down my mesisah-complex, and let Jesus do his work. However, I'm still concerned that the pattern will continue to repeat itself.

My point in all of this is: how responsible are you for other peoples' situations? I feel like if there's a hurting person and I do not seek to help them, that I am partly responsible for their pain.

 

[INTJMom]

Here's a commentary that I think is helpful, from John Gill:


"Gal 6:2 - Bear ye one another's burdens,.... Which may be understood either of sins, which are heavy burdens to sensible sinners, to all that are partakers of the grace of God; Christ is only able to bear these burdens, so as to remove them and take them away, which he has done by his blood, sacrifice, and satisfaction; saints bear one another's, not by making satisfaction for them, which they are not able to do, nor by conniving at them, and suffering them upon them, which they should not do, but by gently reproving them, by comforting them when overpressed with guilt, by sympathizing with them in their sorrow, by praying to God for to manifest his pardoning grace to them, and by forgiving them themselves, so far as they are faults committed against them: or else the frailties and infirmities of weak saints, which are troublesome, and apt to make uneasy, are meant; and which are to be bore by the strong, by making themselves easy with them, and by accommodating themselves to their weakness, and by abridging themselves of some liberties, which otherwise might be lawfully taken by them; or afflictions may be designed, which are grievous to the flesh, and are bore by others, when they administer help and relief under them, whether in a temporal or spiritual way; and when they condole them, and sympathize with them, bear a part with them, and make others' griefs and sorrows their own:

and so fulfil the law of Christ; which is the law of love to one another, John 13:34 in opposition to the law of Moses, the judaizing Galatians were so fond of, and by which Christ's disciples may be distinguished from those of Moses, or any others. This is a law or doctrine which Christ has clearly taught, and recovered from the false glosses of the Pharisees; it is his new commandment, which he has strengthened and enforced by his own example in dying for his people, and which he, by his Spirit, inscribes upon their hearts. The Jews speak of the law of the Messiah as preferable to any other.... by "fulfilling", it is meant, doing it, acting in obedience to it, and not a perfect fulfilling it, which cannot be done by sinful creatures."

 

[Silly_Siren]

Just that you would worry so much about that makes me like you I have this problem too. I want to carry people's burdens, but sometimes they give you too much in their desperation. It's kind of hard to give some burden back after you offered lol

 

[Coeur]

Thanks, guys! )))