Birth Order and Personality

[Frosty]

There are theories that birth order influences personality. What do you think? Do you relate to your description or not? Do you think your birth order shaped the personlity of you, your siblings, your parents, or anyone else you know- or is it just garbage?

Here are some traits of different birth orders.

First born

Firstborn

As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:

Reliable
Conscientious
Structured
Cautious
Controlling
Achievers
Firstborns bask in their parents' presence, which may explain why they sometimes act like mini-adults. Firstborns are diligent and want to be the best at everything they do. They excel at winning the hearts of their elders.

Middle Child

Middle Child

"The middle child often feels left out and a sense of, 'Well, I'm not the oldest. I'm not the youngest. Who am I?'" says therapist Meri Wallace. This sort of hierarchical floundering leads middle children to make their mark among their peers, since parental attention is usually devoted to the beloved firstborn or baby of the family.

In general, middle children tend to possess the following characteristics:

People-pleasers
Somewhat rebellious
Thrives on friendships
Has large social circle
Peacemaker

Last Born

Last Born

Youngest children tend to be the most free-spirited due to their parents' increasingly laissez-faire attitude towards parenting the second (or third, or fourth, or fifth...) time around. The baby of the family tends to be:

Fun-loving
Uncomplicated
Manipulative
Outgoing
Attention-seeker
Self-centered

Only Children

Only Children

Being the only child is a unique position in a family. Without any siblings to compete with, the only child monopolizes his parents' attention and resources, not just for a short period of time like a firstborn, but forever. In effect, this makes an only child something like a "super-firstborn": only children have the privilege (and the burden) of having all their parents' support and expectations on their shoulders. Thus, only children tend to be:

Mature for their age
Perfectionists
Conscientious
Diligent
Leaders

There are further exceptions spoke about in the article, If people want to read further here you go.

Birth Order and Personality: How Siblings Influence Who We Are

So what do you all think?

 

[jamain]

So what do you all think?

Firstborn

As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:

Reliable
Conscientious
Structured
Cautious
Controlling
Achievers
Firstborns bask in their parents' presence, which may explain why they sometimes act like mini-adults. Firstborns are diligent and want to be the best at everything they do. They excel at winning the hearts of their elders.

I am the oldest of 5 kids. Much (but not all) of the description for the first born is true of me. Although I often thought these things were true due to the fact that all 5 of us were born in less than 7 years and I had to grow up and be responsible rather quickly. Due to necessity I was forced into a caregiver role at a very young age. My mom was hard on me because in her words, "she wanted me to be perfect." She failed, but to this day I have a tendency to beat myself up endlessly for mistakes.

The bold part is not true of me. I had a somewhat combative relationship with my parents as I was growing up and would not say that I basked in their presence. I could be quite mouthy and argumentative at times. My parents often said things that were not logical and did not make sense to me. Unfortunately for me, I had a tendency to point out contradictions and since I was not the most diplomatic in my approach it usually did not go well for me. I was stubborn and even though I knew there would be consequences I often failed to back down. My mouth is usually what got me into trouble. My mom use to tell me that I had two ears and one mouth for a reason. My middle sister on the other hand almost never got in trouble because she was good at telling my parents (especially my dad) what they wanted to hear. The description for middle child does not fit her well at all.

My respect was not easily earned and there were very few adults (elders) in my life that I truly respected. I didn't put a whole lot of effort into winning the hearts of elders.

 

[LucieCat]

I'm an only child. I often feel that only children are stereotyped too much, so I'm resistent to say that this impacts my personality, but looking at the list:

Mature for their age
Perfectionists
Conscientious
Diligent
Leaders

The only thing that might not be true is the leader role. People don't seem to generally want me in leadership positions, and I'm often content with not being in one. But it can be frustrating when I do want to be a leader

 

[prplchknz]

I'm the youngest and 2nd born and I relate to the middle child one but not the youngest one and certaintly not the oldest.

 

[The Cat]

What about laboratory created homunculi with tanks of identical replacements? I'm asking for a friend.

 

[Norexan]

Firstborn

As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:

Reliable
Conscientious
Structured
Cautious
Controlling
Achievers
Firstborns bask in their parents' presence, which may explain why they sometimes act like mini-adults. Firstborns are diligent and want to be the best at everything they do. They excel at winning the hearts of their elders.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

It's true of me and my younger sister.

To me it's common sense how this can happen--I was, for 9 years, an only child, and ultimately the elder. I had all these ridiculous expectations and rules--until I finally left home--and I wound up getting in trouble for things that my parents wouldn't have thought twice about with my little sister. My parents had more severe reactions to things with me--so I was the one who always got grounded, who had to write letter of apology, or what not. My sister...she never did anything wrong as a kid, but I have the distinct sense that she would have gotten a free pass if she had. As a teen, she used to shoplift and smoke, and my mom's just like, Oh that's normal, teens do that at that age. She didn't even give her a talking to! Yet I know if that had been me, they would have slammed me in a mental institution and had me declared incorrigible.

Ugh, I just made myself angry. I was never allowed to have a life, and hers was handed to her on a gilded platter. I fucking resent my parents for this, I resent my sister for it. They've cut me out of their lives now, so I guess I can try to pretend none of this ugly clusterfuck never happened, idk. Anyway, it's completely reversed. My sister is now the high achiever and conscientious one, and I'm the free-spirited slacker going nowhere in life.

Anyway. Yes, it wouldn't surprise me if this were a common story. You can't simply be strict and have high expectations of someone and expect that not to shape them, at least within the family unit. Likewise you can't simply give someone a free pass and expect that not to influence them either. And when you put them next to each other, you can expect resentments not to arise.

 

[Introspector]

I'm the oldest and I do relate to that a lot.

 

[Stigmata]

I relate to some of the points of the first born. My sister is five years younger than I, and we're just complete polar opposites in terms maturity and responsibility. My parents were much more disciplined and and stern with me than the ever were with her, yet I always attributed this to being male and thus structuring my rearing to condition me based upon the societal expectations associated typically associated with masculinity. Because of that, out of the two of us, I've always been the much more independent and responsible of the two of us, whereas she still comes across very carefree and needing my parent's guidance than I ever did, even at that same age.

After I turned 18, it was like my parents just flipped off the authoritarian switch and laid the world in my lap, for me to succeed or fail based on my own abilities, whereas with her, they still interact with her as if she's a teenager, even well into her twenties.

When I was younger, It made me feel as responsibility and accountability was a burden somehow imposed on me from the order of my birth -- Being the elder of the two, I was always responsible for her and her well-being while my parents were working or away. In hindsight, I now see as an experience from which to draw a sense of strong independence.

 

[Firebird 8118]

"Firstborn" (does that count for triplets?), but I feel more like a middle child. My parents definitely had high expectations from me, but I'd say my brother (middle) is the real firstborn.

My sister (last) definitely fits the last-born description. To a T.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I'm the eldest. And yes, the only way I can be "made" to follow anyone else is purely through my own choice. Although it's very rare that something would motivate me to do that. That is, there must be some sort of benefit.

Otherwise, almost all of it fits. Except, growing up I was always told I was less mature than my younger sister. But she's 1w9 sp/so and therefore was born 45 years old. At present though, yes, I am more mature than she is.

 

[Aquarelle]

I'm the oldest and can definitely relate to the firstborn description. My younger brother, on the other hand, is nothing like the last born description. He doesn't fit any of the descriptions, though. I guess he just defies the mold.

 

[tkae.]

I think it has merit, but isn't something that should be subscribed to religiously. It's like the MBTI: it's a construct and system, not a predictor.

I think it's realistic to say that birth order can impact your personality and personal development. I wouldn't go so far as to say that there are definite attributes you'll absolutely see in someone based on their birth order. There's too many elements to consider, like family dynamics, culture, etc. for that.

Based on the above:

Only Children

Being the only child is a unique position in a family. Without any siblings to compete with, the only child monopolizes his parents' attention and resources, not just for a short period of time like a firstborn, but forever. In effect, this makes an only child something like a "super-firstborn": only children have the privilege (and the burden) of having all their parents' support and expectations on their shoulders. Thus, only children tend to be:

Mature for their age
Perfectionists
Conscientious
Diligent
Leaders

I bolded the attributes that apply to me.

1.) I was very mature for my age as a kid, but I'm a bit immature for my age as an adult. I think that has more to do with being an INFP than being an only child.
2.) OCD runs in our family, so I cope with anxiety by being a perfectionist.
3.) My mom was a nurse and single mother, so I was definitely raised to be conscientious.
4 and 5.) I wouldn't say I'm "diligent". If it's something I care about, I'm very diligent. If it's something I don't care about, I either outright don't do it or halfass it. I'm also 100% not a leader. I hate leadership, and when I have to be one I prefer a democratic leadership style.

Based on the description, I don't think it's terribly accurate. I might have been the only child recieving my mom's attention, but I was the only child to a single mother who also had a family farm to look after while also working as a hospice nurse. Whether it was patients or animals, I was taking the back seat to plenty of other responsibilities. I think that bumped up my conscientiousness. I know other kids where that was 100% true and got helicopter-parented to death. But for me, that wasn't the case.

 

[Suaimhneas]

I am the oldest of two children and I am three years older than my sister. I do think that birth order has somewhat of an influence on a personality, along with other factors in the family dynamic and upbringing. Once my sister was born she was, understandably (as in infant), the recipient of most of the attention. This lead to an increase in independence and autonomy for me. I had to self manage and look out for myself without the same level of direction from my parents. This was compounded by growing up with a father who, at the time, struggled with substance abuse and a manic depressive mother. Anyways, growing up I was always expected to "know better" since I was "older". This was usually true whether or not the expectations had been put in place or not. My sister, on the other hand, was not subject to the same punishments and was somewhat coddled. In fact, I would often get punished for her lack of good behavior because I should have been teaching her or watching over her. As soon as I could babysit I started and as soon as I was old enough to legally work I got right to it. My sister didn't get a job until late in college. I paid my way through university and most other expenses while my parents took out loans to support my sister's tuition and board. I struggled to impress my parents without much response whereas my sister didn't need to do much to get praise. This led to a lot of resentment when I was younger, but I've since moved on and come to peace with it. I don't think it was something my parents consciously did and they are good people, but no one is perfect and gets it right all of the time. So I suppose I could fit the archetype of the independent and responsible older sibling while my sister somewhat fits the stereotype of the spoiled and self-centered younger child. Ironically, I am actually much more flexible and open while my sister is quite rigid and anxiety ridden. She struggles with boundaries and accepting rejection while also feeling entitled to many things. I can't help but wonder if her anxiety is due to the fact that my parents paved the road for her, therefore making managing herself independently as an adult more difficult, while I paved it for myself growing up. I feel her experience has hindered her while mine made me stronger.

Did anyone else have similar experiences as an older sibling?

 

[Galena]

I don't honestly, deeply relate. People who have known me through life may well describe me with most of the firstborn adjectives, but it was always a front and nothing more, and one far from without its cracks and leaks.

 

[Yuurei]

Heh, I was about to say this is nonsense as my sister (2nd child) is nothing like that. However the last child fits her amazingly. So yeah, pretty close.

However, these negative traits of hers ( manipulative and self-centered) are so extreme that I think they border mental illness.

As for myself, eh, let's just say not applicable.

 

[Andy]

What about laboratory created homunculi with tanks of identical replacements? I'm asking for a friend.

I should imagine they would be like the middle child, without a clearly defined sense of where they stand, plus a crushing inferiority complex, because they know they can be replaced so easily.

 

[Luv Deluxe]

Only Children

Being the only child is a unique position in a family. Without any siblings to compete with, the only child monopolizes his parents' attention and resources, not just for a short period of time like a firstborn, but forever. In effect, this makes an only child something like a "super-firstborn": only children have the privilege (and the burden) of having all their parents' support and expectations on their shoulders. Thus, only children tend to be:

Mature for their age
Perfectionists
Conscientious
Diligent
Leaders

I'd say this checks out for me, yeah. It doesn't paint the full picture, might even conjure images of someone who is very different from myself, but all of these traits do apply to me.

I might qualify that last one as being something of a reluctant leader. I directed television broadcasts for a while, but even in the right combination of mixed social groups - like, guys, why are you following me down the Vegas Strip at two in the morning? Who elected me team captain? Just because I know what I want and where I'm going doesn't mean it's gonna be good for all of you. Like that time I tried to get my boyfriend to jump off the Stratosphere Casino with me.

I think my energy can sweep people up, but overall I value my own space and freedom and prioritize accordingly. It would probably be fair to say that I have a low-grade fear or dislike of commitment, actually.

The expectation tends to be that only children always receive the benefit of their parents' undivided attention. I'd say that I more than received what I needed, materially speaking, but emotionally I've always felt stranded in a desert. There was always a void where there should have been soothing, and without siblings to fall back on, for better or worse, it made me the person I am now.

 

[Icedream]

I kiiiiind of fall into three of the four categories, kind of. it's complicated

 

[Neal Caffreynated]

Well I was the last born in my family, and I've gotta say this does sound a lot like me as I'm the attention-seeker outgoing type

"Last Born

Youngest children tend to be the most free-spirited due to their parents' increasingly laissez-faire attitude towards parenting the second (or third, or fourth, or fifth...) time around. The baby of the family tends to be:

Fun-loving
Uncomplicated
Manipulative
Outgoing
Attention-seeker
Self-centered"

Both other descriptions fit my big brother (first born) and sister (the middle child) quite well too I'm not too sure how reliable is this and I guess it also depends of parents, kids' personalities and so on... but in my case it completely fits lol