Being in touch with our own mortality

[JAVO]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

Is it of benefit to be in touch with our mortality?

What can a person do to be better in touch with their own mortality?

Some implications of our mortality:

1. This could be the last day in your life or the life of someone close.
   
2. Will what you're doing now matter to anyone after you die, or even in 5 years?
   
3. What can I do to make sure that I put things that will matter after I die as top priority?
   
4. You may not live to see milestones in the life of you, your family, and your friends which you look forward to and assume you will see. (Personal note: If I can ever bring myself to do it without crying the entire time, I would like to record videos of me talking to my kids which they can watch at various stages of life... graduation, marriage, having kids. I may have to just write letters, as even this is difficult enough.)
   
5. Others rely on you for specific tasks and information which are difficult to replace. (salary, pensions, savings, property ownership, business knowledge, fixing things, emotional support)
   
6. You might outlive everyone you know.
   
7. If you live a long time, the world will be totally different from the one you know now, and you will be less capable of adapting to it by then.
   
8. If you live a long time, you will likely be somewhat forgotten and be seen with less respect because Western culture values youth and those with potential rather than those nearing the end of their life.

 

[Domino]

#6 is a scary prospect.

 

[alcea rosea]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

I'm not and I don't wish to be. I prefer to think about the future and to live this moment. Things happen in the future if they will. There is no point in thinking abou the mortality so I won't.

 

[substitute]

I regularly attend the deathbeds of parishioners who are making their final confessions, and also regularly see corpses of varying 'ages', which are to be anointed and stuff. I attend a lot of funerals, and have seen over 30 people die in front of my eyes. I also recently buried my father.

I have a pretty realistic looking skeleton with an axe standing on top of my monitor, as a reminder...

I think on it during meditation quite often, and use it to centre myself from time to time when things seem to lose perspective.

All in all I'd say that although I'm still not quite as aware of it at all times as I'd like to be, I'm more in touch with my mortality than I was in previous years, and also probably more than most people I know (outside of the religious field in which I work). And I'm not afraid of it at all.

 

[RDF]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

I'm on top of it. I'm prepared for the not-too-distant inevitability that either my wife or I will outlive the other (I've set up pension and insurance arrangements to cover us both).

I've lost family members and friends; I got over it. I consider people replaceable. If I live too long, I'll just move into an old folks home and make new friends.

I don't have any illusions about my importance to the world or vice versa. I don't have any big projects that need continuance after my death; and if I live too long and can't keep up with current events, that's fine. As long as I can putter about and have an acquaintance or two to chat with, I don't need to be on top of everything happening in the world.

I don't see a problem at all with my mortality. I had to face up to it early along when I was in the military and got sent to some hot spots. I've accomplished or at least checked out all my big goals and desires. When my time comes--no regrets.

Of course, I'm in my 50s, a lot older than most of the posters here. It's coming up a little quicker on me than most, so I'm a little more hands-on about it.

 

[lazyhappy]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

I'm not as in touch with my mortality as i wish to be.

Is it of benefit to be in touch with our mortality?

yes and no. yes because you will not get hurt if you are in touch with it and no because it is impossible, and the only way to be in touch with it is to not get close to anyone and what kind of life is that? and you also have to be able to feel nothing.

What can a person do to be better in touch with their own mortality?

i don't know

This could be the last day in your life or the life of someone close.

i am not ready for things, i don't want to die. not for myself or what will happen next (for i do not know what's going to happen so i don't care) but for those i care about... i do believe that the only way to truly die is to be forgotten but... i don't want my mom, my friends and sister to be sad. even though i couldn't see thier sadness (though... i don't know i can't). and they might be able to get over it eventually but i am still scared.

and i am not ready for those i care about to die either... sure i know it could happen but the truth is, reality is not something i can honestly accept... i'll break down, and cry. death is not something you can just shoulder off if it's a death of someone close.

Will what you're doing now matter to anyone after you die, or even in 5 years?

i don't care if what i did matters to anyone but myself and to a select few- i did what made me happy and that's all that matter's. though if i didn't do something i like then that's depressing but... it's not like i'm going to know when i die (but of course i could... o.o)

You may not live to see milestones in the life of you, your family, and your friends which you look forward to and assume you will see. (Personal note: If I can ever bring myself to do it without crying the entire time, I would like to record videos of me talking to my kids which they can watch at various stages of life... graduation, marriage, having kids. I may have to just write letters, as even this is difficult enough.)

yet again i don't think that would matters if i died-unless the after life is something where i am lookng down at the earth and if that is true, then the after life is hell- what kind of life would that be? it is a sad thing thinking about it now though but i don't know!

You might outlive everyone you know.

oh. this one sucks. i- i don't know how i could handel this.

If you live a long time, the world will be totally different from the one you know now, and you will be less capable of adapting to it by then.

i'd be old and i don't think it would matter if i could adapt or not... you don't see a rapper grandma walking down the street do you? i'd wach tv and live in my life of fantasy

If you live a long time, you will likely be somewhat forgotten and be seen with less respect because Western culture values youth and those with potential rather than those nearing the end of their life.

eh... *shrug* i'll die eventually or live in a old home and eat mashed potatoes, it's all good.

i don't think i answered this right but oh well...

 

[LadyJaye]

I've been sick, off and on, for most of my life. At 11, I was so sick, that during surgery I briefly died. I saw so many incredible things, and for a moment, I was completely calm and out of pain. It was glorious. But, I heard a voice telling me, " It's not time." and then I came back to a sick body and a huge struggle.

It's still horrible to talk about - to be separated from your loved ones, but also to be kept away from that kind of internal stillness in the presence of God. I can't pick through it, and it's difficult to explain to others who haven't experienced it.

 

[miss fortune]

I grew up on a farm, so I knew at an early age that death is just another part of life and you never know when it's going to get you. After watching a relative die young and unexpectedly, it struck me even harder.

If the secrets thread and my blog haven't revealed this- I try my hardest to live my life in a manner that won't leave me cheated if I drop over dead. I'd rather go before my friends and family, I admit- immortality or reaching a really old age would be so much worse than dying younger for me! I really fear losing my physical abilities! I've watched that happen to people and it terrifies me...

 

[Nonpareil]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

See, this is a tough question for me and I'm not sure I can answer it. I know that I will eventually die and I'm not sure if it will be sooner or later. I like to take one day at a time to accomplish my goals as is. I don't think I would have regrets if I did die tomorrow because I'll be dead and I wouldn't be able to regret it anyways...

Is it of benefit to be in touch with our mortality?

I think it's important to be in touch with the fact that we aren't immortals, it keeps us from doing stupid things. I've know many young people (in the past and I see it even now) that don't realize their mortality and does stupid things. My cousin died when he was 17 in a car accident. He was street racing and lost control of his car. The thing was, I don't think he ever thought he would die because he's gotten into a few pretty bad accidents (driving into a semi-truck and losing the top of his car) and yet he never learned from any of it and continued doing what he did. Oh maybe this is the view of a wimp!

What can a person do to be better in touch with their own mortality?

I don't know if there is a universal answer to this, we are all different, we are shaped differently depending on our experiences, thoughts and influences. I don't think one thing that will help one person get in touch with his/her mortality will be the same for another person. It's all something we have to learn/experience ourselves. I think there are some of us who refuse to accept death.

This could be the last day in your life or the life of someone close.

For me, that would suck, but I'll accept it since I don't believe that I will remember my life after I die so whether I regret it or not will not matter once I'm dead. I have big dreams and goals but I will only worry about it while I'm alive.

Will what you're doing now matter to anyone after you die, or even in 5 years?

I don't know if what I do would really matter to anyone now or in the future. I would like to know it does but unfortunately I haven't gained the power to influence the people around me yet. I accept things as they are and I would like to accomplish a lot and touch the lives of many people before I die, but if that doesn't happen - such is life (or I guess, death).

What can I do to make sure that I put things that will matter after I die as top priority?

Why should it matter what happens to the things that matter to me after I die? There's nothing more that I can do? I trust that the people I know and care about are capable enough to take care of themselves with or without me. In that sense, I have nothing to worry about. I don't have kids that depend on me and my family are all good, independent people. I would hate to leave pt but I know, in time, he'll get over my death...

You may not live to see milestones in the life of you, your family, and your friends which you look forward to and assume you will see. (Personal note: If I can ever bring myself to do it without crying the entire time, I would like to record videos of me talking to my kids which they can watch at various stages of life... graduation, marriage, having kids. I may have to just write letters, as even this is difficult enough.)

Unfortunately, I don't find milestones that big a deal to me. It's just the next stage in life and I would be happy for those who reach it but I don't care if I witness it or not. Plus, like I said, if I'm dead, I wouldn't really have to worry about it. Since I'm not dead, I might as well try to enjoy life - although, realistically, I have a hard enough time with that, I can't worry about all the "what if's".

Others rely on you for specific tasks and information which are difficult to replace. (salary, pensions, savings, property ownership, business knowledge, fixing things, emotional support)

I don't think I really have anyone that relies on me that way. If so, I'm easily replaceable. Death of a close one is never easy to deal with but all the people in my life that I care about do have other important people in their life to help them in some way shape or form with my "death".

You might outlive everyone you know.

That would suck, since I hate being alone, but that just means that I have to be constantly making some connection with people or at least be wealthy enough to find a replacement for my feelings. Such as being rich enough to help a third world country develop so that I can touch some people's lives and also gain that sense of self worth myself. I don't know if this makes any sense...if I can replace the emotions I had for all the people I outlived, then I would at least be satified until I die.

If you live a long time, the world will be totally different from the one you know now, and you will be less capable of adapting to it by then.

I like to think I'm an adaptable person, plus, I think if the world did change (nomatter how long I lived), since I'm living in it, the change will not seem that big...it's not like I'm being plopped from one decade to another, I'm there to witness the change.

If you live a long time, you will likely be somewhat forgotten and be seen with less respect because Western culture values youth and those with potential rather than those nearing the end of their life.

But realistically, if things can change a lot in my lifetime, then that same assumption that youth is valued can change as well. Plus, I could always move to a culture/country that does value age and experiences. I'll just have to find someplace that will appreciate me for me and who enjoys listening to my many stories of: "I remember when I was your age, things were so different, we had...."

Thanks Javo for this interesting topic, I hope I answered your questions and that what I say makes sense. I'm quite tired and so my sentences could all be jibber jabber.

 

[substitute]

Is it of benefit to be in touch with our mortality?

I believe so. It puts things into perspective.

What can a person do to be better in touch with their own mortality?

Encounter death... perhaps helping out with charities for terminally ill people, or in my case religious work (giving last rites), attend funerals (even funerals of people you don't know can be moving and profound experiences). And just think on it, on your own; meditation.

This could be the last day in your life or the life of someone close.

I think about that quite often. Two of the dearest people to me right now are in dangerous places in the world, and one of them is also old and frail on top of that. I wonder if I'll ever see them again. I lost my life partner through bombings in Palestine; my father recently died unexpectedly and my daughter was hit by a car (survived, thankfully) earlier this year. I'm anticipating major surgery in the near future - always a risk - and aware that I'm getting older and my lifespan hasn't got as nice looking a ratio of behind/in front as it once had.

These are some reasons why I don't procrastinate or dither around or make excuses or whatever, to do and be the things I want and that are important to me.

Will what you're doing now matter to anyone after you die, or even in 5 years?

Yes, I believe so. I sometimes get cards or letters from the people I help out, some from years ago, thanking me and saying how much it meant to them. I know I've made a difference and I know I'll continue to do so.

What can I do to make sure that I put things that will matter after I die as top priority?

Simple: gtf on with it; no excuses.

You may not live to see milestones in the life of you, your family, and your friends which you look forward to and assume you will see.

I don't assume I'll see them. I don't assume anything about the future - it's an open book and how it pans out depends to some extent on what I do with the present. Like Gandalf said: "all you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you" - and all we have is the present.

Others rely on you for specific tasks and information which are difficult to replace. (salary, pensions, savings, property ownership, business knowledge, fixing things, emotional support)

I have a savings account that's specifically to take care of my funeral costs when I die, with plenty left over for my kids. I've written a will and even given specific instructions for my funeral and burial. I don't own any property, and I've made provisions for what happens to my kids if I die while they're still minors. And I frequently tell them I love them - even when I'm mad at them - and explain my actions and words to them quite often. I feel quite confident that my kids won't have to go through the chaotic hell when I die, that I just had to on my father's death (due to him leaving no will and no money and an awful mess). I have a close support network of friends and family and surrogate-family that I feel confident will support my children and each other on my death.

You might outlive everyone you know.

Unlikely, unless I turn out to be the last human being on earth. I meet new people all the time of all different ages. I know a LOT of people.

If you live a long time, the world will be totally different from the one you know now, and you will be less capable of adapting to it by then.

I count on the first part - if I didn't fully realize that then life would barely be worth living. And as for the second part... hahahaha... I seriously doubt that.

If you live a long time, you will likely be somewhat forgotten and be seen with less respect because Western culture values youth and those with potential rather than those nearing the end of their life.

I also doubt that in my case. The last portion of my life - however long it turns out to be - will be spent in various Franciscan friaries, where I'll be constantly surrounded by my brethren and the many people who frequent and stay at those places. I'll have work to do and people to see on a meaningful basis and level right up to when my body is no longer capable. In fact, I'll still have work to do even when my body gives up, so long as my mind is still intact. And I'll be looked after and loved, and prayed for after my death.

 

[Athenian200]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

I'm technically aware of the implications, but probably not "in touch" with them.

Is it of benefit to be in touch with our mortality?

I doubt it. What good does it do to be depressed that you could die?

What can a person do to be better in touch with their own mortality?

Attend a funeral, visit a relative in the hospital, or experience another person's death first-hand. Like I said, being in touch with it is probably something that just happens from time to time rather than something desirable.

 

[substitute]

I don't find it at all depressing athenian. I find it humbling, motivating and inspiring. All positive stuff

 

[Sandy]

Yes, I am very aware, and I am prepared to go if GOD calls me in.

I just hope that He spares me the pain and allows me go first (before my children).

 

[Nonpareil]

I just hope that He spares me the pain and allows me go first (before my children).

I can understand that. On one hand, I want to ask you, what about the pain your children will feel if you died before them? I know I always said, I hope to die at the same time as my mom and grandparents, that way none of us would be hurt from the death of the others. I know that is almost unrealistic and I have come to accept that statistically speaking, I should outlive most people in my family.

But I know what you mean by wanting to die before your children. One of my aunt and uncle lost their son in a car accident, after they raised him for 17 years. It was his grade 12 year and I was fairly close to him. The thing was, I accept his death because of who he was (not saying he was stupid or anything...but he was very much someone who lived on the edge). But his death changed my aunt and uncle (his parents) like you'll never believe. That is what makes me cry when I think about it, the looks on their faces at the funeral and how much they have changed. Their entire outlook in life and how they think/act has completely changed. I wish there was something I could do to turn back time but there isn't.

 

[Athenian200]

I don't find it at all depressing athenian. I find it humbling, motivating and inspiring. All positive stuff

Why? What does it motivate/inspire you to do? If I think about the fact that I'll die, it just makes me want to lay around and feel sorry for myself because everything I do is futile if I have to die, so not thinking about it makes me happier. Does that really not make sense?

 

[Sandy]

I can understand that. On one hand, I want to ask you, what about the pain your children will feel if you died before them? I know I always said, I hope to die at the same time as my mom and grandparents, that way none of us would be hurt from the death of the others. I know that is almost unrealistic and I have come to accept that statistically speaking, I should outlive most people in my family.

But I know what you mean by wanting to die before your children. One of my aunt and uncle lost their son in a car accident, after they raised him for 17 years. It was his grade 12 year and I was fairly close to him. The thing was, I accept his death because of who he was (not saying he was stupid or anything...but he was very much someone who lived on the edge). But his death changed my aunt and uncle (his parents) like you'll never believe. That is what makes me cry when I think about it, the looks on their faces at the funeral and how much they have changed. Their entire outlook in life and how they think/act has completely changed. I wish there was something I could do to turn back time but there isn't.

True -- however it's more expected that a parent dies first. We're older and have experienced more, and generally, parents wish and expect their children to experience as much or more life than what their parents had. I'm being selfish, though, I guess.

 

[sassafrassquatch]

I don't plan on dieing. Singularity, baby! w00t!

 

[substitute]

Why? What does it motivate/inspire you to do? If I think about the fact that I'll die, it just makes me want to lay around and feel sorry for myself because everything I do is futile if I have to die, so not thinking about it makes me happier. Does that really not make sense?

Yeah I can see how a lot of people would feel that way. I used to as well. I just don't any more, that's all. Haven't for a long time. It's not because of belief in the afterlife or anything because I don't have any definite beliefs about that; it doesn't even occur to me. I just figure that, knowing I'm gonna die and there's no escaping it, but that I am alive right now and don't feel the desire to not be, it motivates me to fill the time I have with things that, when the time comes, will give me a feeling of my life not having been wasted. To get on with it now, rather than putting it off. Life is good, but finite for each individual... but still good. Or it can be. I guess it makes me want to live meaningfully and not for myself, knowing that 'myself' won't be here so long in the scheme of history... makes me less selfish.

In a way it also motivates and inspires me not to waste my time on this earth with behaviour that's essentially in denial of the fact that I'm going to die anyway, no matter what. I know you're not religious, but I am, and I have found great meaning in the words "those who cling to life will lose it"... I don't think it means 'will literally die as a direct result' but more sorta... lose a sense of purpose, lose any meaning for their life. I tend to see a lot of people who revolve their life around trying to prolong their lives, often to me there's a sense about them of decay... as though ... well, I dunno, that's hard to explain. But by contrast I see some people who have little regard for their own life and little fear of death, and they seem more alive to me than anything, even though they might be crippled with arthritis or whatever.

I don't want to end up on my deathbed - where everyone will end up - regretting the way I spent my time and feeling that my life really was futile and a waste. So it gives me courage and inspiration to be who I want to be right now. I don't want to say on my deathbed "I wanted to do XYZ but I never did it because I never got the courage..." or "I wish I had not been such a coward".

I'd rather think back on my life in the last hours and see that I did an awful lot, though perhaps overdid some things, than look back and see a big load of gaps where I just didn't do anything because I was too afraid. It helps me to push through and past my fears, to overcome them.

I've seen people die ugly, miserable and wretched deaths and I've seen people die graceful, peaceful deaths. I see what makes the difference is how they lived their lives. That inspires me with a sense of perspective as to what's really important.

 

[cascadeco]

Are you in touch with your own mortality and all of its implications?

Yes, I believe I am. I started really being aware of it 3 or 4 yrs ago; like, the complete awareness that I would die and be no more just really settled into me, in a way it hadn't before. Earlier on, I saw my death from more a detached perspective - more of a 'fact' - that yes, I was going to die at some point - but I didn't really 'get it' at that time, and now I think I do.

Is it of benefit to be in touch with our mortality?

Yes, I think it is. I think when one is in touch with his mortality, he will begin to view life differently, and might alter his life path, might appreciate the little things more, will gain more perspective on Life...

What can a person do to be better in touch with their own mortality?

I never thought of it as something one does. As for me, I think because I naturally think about stuff and spend a lot of time contemplating life, it just kind of happened. I think it's more of a psychological/spiritual process to become more in touch with your mortality - it's like a way of being, and for me it's almost like an additional filter in my mind that I see all of life through. I can't adequately describe it. I don't think I would have gotten to this state of mind by simply attending funerals, or stuff like that. But maybe that work for others, I don't know.

[*]This could be the last day in your life or the life of someone close.

I'm quite aware of this, and think about this stuff often. Not in a depressed fashion, but just more of an awareness.

[*]Will what you're doing now matter to anyone after you die, or even in 5 years?

I think the absence of my life/personality/spirit would matter to people I'm close to after I die, and in 5 yrs. And, how I live my life out and my 'accomplishments' are the extensions of my character, I guess. But in the big picture, no, I'm not doing anything 'memorable' or anything that impacts anyone on a grand scale, so in that sense, my death won't really matter.

[*]What can I do to make sure that I put things that will matter after I die as top priority?

I'm not sure I understand the question, but I'd say just focus on them right now, and make them your priority now, and by your actions you might influence younger generations to care about them too and focus on them after your death.

[*]You may not live to see milestones in the life of you, your family, and your friends which you look forward to and assume you will see. (Personal note: If I can ever bring myself to do it without crying the entire time, I would like to record videos of me talking to my kids which they can watch at various stages of life... graduation, marriage, having kids. I may have to just write letters, as even this is difficult enough.)

This is something that is currently very much on my mind. At the moment I don't feel like I'm DOING anything, and have no 'milestones' in sight, and it's really bothering me. And I feel like I'm disappointing my parents on a tiny level because I'm not married, and I don't have kids. And myself as well, because I feel like I'm missing out on something key. It would be quite different though if I had children, so I can feel for you there.

[*]Others rely on you for specific tasks and information which are difficult to replace. (salary, pensions, savings, property ownership, business knowledge, fixing things, emotional support)

I'm not as concerned about this, but it also doesn't apply to my life at all, really.

[*]You might outlive everyone you know.

I guess it's something that's possible, and frightening, but I don't dwell on it.

[*]If you live a long time, the world will be totally different from the one you know now, and you will be less capable of adapting to it by then.

Hey, I'm *already* resisting changes that I don't like, so this is a given for me. And I'm not even going to go into the environmental impacts that will kill my soul....

[*]If you live a long time, you will likely be somewhat forgotten and be seen with less respect because Western culture values youth and those with potential rather than those nearing the end of their life.
[/LIST]

I guess I've never really thought about this either. Also it's something I would just push aside as a 'given', and not bother dwelling on it. Of course this is assuming I'm still living in the West by that point.

 

[proteanmix]

I'm necromancing.

Yesterday an all staff email went out at my job about one of my coworkers having an aggressive tumor in her breast. She'll be out for the foreseeable future.

I am extremely saddened by this because I talk regularly with this woman and even more so because she's only 32. I realized that I think I have some veil of immunity covering me because I'm young and in mostly good health. I began to wonder how young people (especially those under 30) reconcile the fact that they have a good chance of developing some sort of life-threatening illness in life or if it's something they isn't real or meaningful to them at while young.

I've seen so many people that I know die of diseases that suddenly spring up overnight and they're dead within 6-12 months. Maybe I should be thankful that I haven't witnessed that many long and protracted battles because it seems to me they get taken out pretty quickly. The suddenness of it shocks me because it's like they weren't even given a chance to fight. They're already in the later stages when they find out and then BAM.

The suddenness of the death doesn't give loved ones proper time to digest what's happening. It seems that once it's registered that a loved one has this disease that you're visiting them in the hospital, then a funeral. Sometimes the sick person gives up and resigns themselves to death. You wonder if they should've fought harder or if they really wanted to die and be at peace. And then to turn around and watch another loved one have it happen to them is sometimes overwhelming.

I try to be realistic about situations like this because I wonder about what quality of life they would have if they continued to fight. I've seen some breast cancer patients come out of remission with a more aggressive cancer that spreads to other parts of their body. I've seen gruesome lesions and sores on the spots where the cancer has spread and I think to myself, is this any way to live? Living on dialysis, living on 100 pills per week, living in pain for what seems like the rest of your days. And the emotional toll this takes on your family and friends can be just as bad if not worse.

You can of course focus on the positive and happy things in your life, but realistically that's often hard to do when the person is wrestling with their mortality and their own body is rebelling against them.