[ISFJ] Ask an ISFJ 1.0!

[tinker683]

This is a good start. What are the million things that someone can do to show you they care - going out of their way to do so? There must be some common themes or examples you can provide. On this question of "show me you care," I believe different people want very different things.

Often its really small things, like taking time out of your work day to send me a text and tell me you care, or if you overheard mentioning that I need something from the store the following day to grab it on the way home. Little things like that that show that you're listening to me and that you're thinking about me.

Now, does this mean I reasonably expect you to constantly pepper me with affection and attention like that? Not at all....but its always appreciated and if you and I haven't spent a lot of time together, very beneficial for me

Also, what do you mean by consistency? Consistency in what way?

Consistency meaning you follow through with your actions for what it is you say. For example: If you tell me you miss being around me, then do NOT (as my INxJ was prone to doing) then spend the next week barely speaking to me and rejecting all of my attempts at spending time with me.

Mixed messages and shit like that drive me up the wall. It leaves me feeling really uncertain about your feelings and your desires because your actions are not matching up with your words and I have a difficult time trusting you at that point.

Oh, I should have explained better. It was over a very little thing. How I was packing up something. I didn't ask for help or advice but they were telling me how to do it. That's why I didn't think it was a big deal when I ignored it and said I was doing it a different way. I didn't think twice but later someone told me the ISFJ was upset over the way I reacted to their offer of help...

Ah, ok. Something like that it may have just been a misunderstanding as they may have felt that by rejecting their help you were rejecting them personally which I'm sure is neither a fair thing to assume or even at all accurate. It's also possible whatever you were doing was very important to them and they just couldn't understand why it is you couldn't see the reasonableness (is that a word?) or the practicality of doing their way


Either way, they should learn to have a better self-esteem and you shouldn't have to feel like you're on eggshells around them so that's a crummy situation all around

 

[Istbkleta]

In this greedy corporate-driven society, aren't we all doing this?

No. Different organizations promote different values. To use a recent example - Yahoo promoting lying on your resume and laying off people to save management bonuses under the cheater Thompson and providing free food, collaborative meeting under the new CEO Myers. The latter for example talked about the need to give employees opportunities to do what they feel they need to do not to become bitter (like taking an afternoon off to go surfing).

Just one example. You see how different it would be to work for one or the other. ISFJs just don't quit from abusive environments.

and [MENTION=8485]tinker683[/MENTION] - thank you guys.

 

[Giggly]

This is a good start. What are the million things that someone can do to show you they care - going out of their way to do so? There must be some common themes or examples you can provide. On this question of "show me you care," I believe different people want very different things.

Also, what do you mean by consistency? Consistency in what way?

Yes, people do want different things. I think the 5 love languages that you introduced to me talks about this.

I just so happened to read this article the other day. Although it was written in reference to work, I think some of them can apply to interpersonal relationships too.

21 Awesome Ways to Show Appreciation

One of the key ways to improve client and workplace relationships is by showing appreciation.

“Too often” Leo Buscaglia, the author, once said, “we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

We can extend appreciation anywhere and everywhere — at home, at work, at school, and wherever you want to acknowledge those who make your life brighter.

Here are a few ideas that might work for accounting firms:

Do the unexpected; it never fails to capture hearts
Provide praise delivered with a smile
Give recognition
Write a letter of praise
Affix a note of praise to a “can’t miss” location-a mirror, computer, door, car, backpack, or suitcase
Scribble a note on a white board or message center
Send a greeting card with a message appropriate for the occasion
Send an electronic thank-you card
Post a public note of praise
Catch people doing something you admire and lavish them abundantly with compliments
Give credit where credit is due
Drop a roll of Lifesavers with a note of thanks, acknowledging how they “saved the day”
Send flowers, candy, bear grams, fruit baskets, or other treasures or treats at unexpected moments
Purchase inspirational books and send them along with a note
Select a gift related to their special interests
Celebrate “Employee Appreciation Day”
Have fun with food: declare “donut day,” host a “bagel breakfast,” throw a spontaneous pizza party (it’s amazing how much value you gain from a slice or two!), and toss an ice cream sundae soiree or a chocolate fantasy feast (chocolate in any form is a people pleaser!)
Stuff an appreciation “goodies” box with “appreciation prizes” and have regular drawings
Start a Wall of Fame, posting letters from customers or vendors praising any employee (or post them on the company bulletin board)
Send an e-mail thanking the appropriate staff with copies to supervisors or other managers
Make people feel like they’re an important part of your business by involving them in decisions that directly affect them; people need to feel like they belong.

Hmm, I hope that was all of it. I copied and pasted it.

Anyways, it really does depend on the circumstance and the person. The more you can tailor it, the better. This is where the small things like [MENTION=8485]tinker683[/MENTION] says come into play.

Regarding consistency... if someone is inconsistent, it speaks to their level of sincerity and dedication. Relationships are like life forms, they need to be fed and nourished in order to stay alive and well. And this is an enjoyable thing because there are great rewards in it.

 

[Giggly]

Are ISFJs likely to get offended or hurt if they suggest for you to do something a particular way and you reject their help? (because you value independence and doing things your own way). Apparently I hurt an ISFJs feelings doing this...

Possibly, depending on who the person is.

There's really nothing an ISFJ can do about this though but suck it up and adapt.

 

[Nicodemus]

Hello ISFJs!

Do you have a good recollection of when certain things in your life occurred? How good: to the decade, year, month, day? I am speaking of things like seeing a person you do remember seeing, reading a book you do remember reading, etc.

 

[tinker683]

Hello ISFJs!

Do you have a good recollection of when certain things in your life occurred? How good: to the decade, year, month, day? I am speaking of things like seeing a person you do remember seeing, reading a book you do remember reading, etc.

I can usually have a rough estimate of when something happens (what year and and the part of the year it happened) but I can only remember more specific details to the things that are *SUPER* important to me.

 

[Giggly]

Hello ISFJs!

Do you have a good recollection of when certain things in your life occurred? How good: to the decade, year, month, day? I am speaking of things like seeing a person you do remember seeing, reading a book you do remember reading, etc.

Yes, to the year always but less often the month. I only remember the day on special occasions.

 

[emo1455]

It depends really, If it's super personally important to me, even if I didn't remember specifically, in my head I could use my sensing to assume what events where happening that would allow me to get accurate dates and even time...

 

[A_priori]

Hey ISFJs,

I was wondering how you might precieve INFJs. What differences do you guys find most apparent and what similarities do you see? I have personally only met a couple INFJs in my life, that I know of. I think it would be intresting to here some feedback from some ISFJs out there. Obviously we both share the same secondary and tert functions so where do you guys feel with differ the most? What observations have you made for yourselfs?

 

[Giggly]

Hey ISFJs,

I was wondering how you might precieve INFJs. What differences do you guys find most apparent and what similarities do you see? I have personally only met a couple INFJs in my life, that I know of. I think it would be intresting to here some feedback from some ISFJs out there. Obviously we both share the same secondary and tert functions so where do you guys feel with differ the most? What observations have you made for yourselfs?

I am very very close with an INFJ in real life. She's one of my most favorite people in the whole world and I adore her. We connect really well but I'm guessing she gets tired of me much quicker than I get tired of her but we always gravitate towards each other no matter what. I think at times I don't understand why she's "in her head" so much and she doesn't understand why I am so simple-minded and lack the imagination she has, but even still, we seem to understand each other a lot better than most.

Anyways, you may like this thread. To this day, it's always been one of my favorites.

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...matrices/13264-how-distinguish-isfj-infj.html

 

[emo1455]

i agree i happen to be close friends with a few a few INFJs, there's a lot we have in common with our motives and good hearts, and seeking something genuine and authentic. i really apreciate having them in my life because they seem to have a more understanding of possibilities where i can get stuck a lot on one subject

 

[Snow Turtle]

How do fellow ISFJs here feel about long distance relationships?

Also, how do you feel about relationships where there is heavy emphasis on 'going with the flow' since the future can't be determined?

 

[tinker683]

How do fellow ISFJs here feel about long distance relationships?

Did it once, will never do it again

Also, how do you feel about relationships where there is heavy emphasis on 'going with the flow' since the future can't be determined?

Don't care for them, as it makes me feel incredibly insecure. I need standards that I know will never be crossed and always upheld

 

[Giggly]

How do fellow ISFJs here feel about long distance relationships?

Frustrating and painful.

Also, how do you feel about relationships where there is heavy emphasis on 'going with the flow' since the future can't be determined?

I think maybe medium emphasis is better for me. I don't even like that it's emphasized but I realize that some going with the flow is necessary (for me too).

 

[Engineer]

Why are you guys so awesome and practical?

My best friend is an ISFJ.

 

[Giggly]

Why are you guys so awesome and practical?

We were born that way.

My best friend is an ISFJ.

My best friend is an INTJ!

 

[Ene]

Hey,

If you had just five things you wanted others to understand about ISFJ's what would those five things be? Don't worry about putting them in order of importance.

 

[tinker683]

Hey,

If you had just five things you wanted others to understand about ISFJ's what would those five things be? Don't worry about putting them in order of importance.

Just for me anyways...

1) I thrive on attention and affection and wither and become distant and distrustful without it. I don't mean you need to constantly dot on me but the best way to keep happy is a steady, consistent stream of interest from you

2) I *really* do not like unexpected surprises (unless they involve me coming home and finding my SO waiting for me with nothing but a rose between her teeth. That is completely acceptable )

3) I often come into anything I do with a certain set of expectations, be it my job or or a relationship. These projections may or may not be realistic or fair. The more the reality strays from these expectations, the more difficult time I have dealing with it. That's not to say I won't eventually adjust (I will) it just means I won't do so quietly.

4) I can't handle betrayal at all. You betray me or abuse me without a really damned good justifiable cause and you're on my blacklist until the end of time. Deal with it.

5) I often take up a caregiving role with someone, even if they don't truly need it. Humor me if you may, but otherwise gently let me know it's not necessary.

 

[Ene]

Wow, Tinker. Thank you. These are great insights. I want to learn all I can about ISFJ's because I have a few of them in my life. They are good-hearted people that I really like, and I want them to know that I respect them, not just with my mouth, but with my actions. Honesty like you have provided helps others like me to "get it." Thanks again.

 

[tinker683]

Wow, Tinker. Thank you. These are great insights. I want to learn all I can about ISFJ's because I have a few of them in my life. They are good-hearted people that I really like, and I want them to know that I respect them, not just with my mouth, but with my actions. Honesty like you have provided helps others like me to "get it." Thanks again.

You're quite welcome!

Honestly, I don't think we're a difficult bunch to understand or get along with. I think most people run afoul of us because we're very much creatures of habit and when someone buggers up our routines or expectations (and our sense of security or stability that comes with all that) we tend to react very negatively and as such people tend to see us as being very much "sticks in the mudd"

But thats my own thoughts.

And yes, if I could add a number 6 item to that list: Your ACTIONS!!! Actions speak volumes to us, much more than words ever will.