[MBTI General] As children

[Fidelia]

I was a serious and earnest little kid who was kind of a homebody, had several dolls and animals and imaginary friends that I loved fiercely. I liked to draw and adorned most of my early art with the names and ages of my entire family. I always had a flair for some unusual piece of clothing or jewelry and I often acted out stories in the bath tub, sang meandering made up songs in the car, and liked to dance in the living room.

At school age I was motherly to classmates, quite happy, sensitive and easily embarrassed, somewhat stubborn,and had a penchant for mixing up oral instructions of where to be and what to do. I was unusually fearful of unlikely events that COULD theoretically happen like fires, floods, being separated forever from family, abduction, and dictatorships and developed elaborate plans for dealing with all of the above. Lying in bed, I would figure out how old I'd be when my parents would die or my sister would graduate etc, but then be intensely embarrassed about explaining my tears or my fears to anyone, because I knew it was a bit over the top. I loved to read, found it hard to go to bed and hard to wake up, was a picky eater, and liked nothing better than going in the car somewhere with people I loved. I was thoughtful and enjoyed analogies and abstract discussions.

As a teenager I felt very ugly, especially from about 9-14. I was good at music and languages, liked people, but reticent to impose myself on anyone. I had a quirky sense of humour. My dad and I used to play ping pong together after supper sometimes. My mom was good for discussing ideas with and she operated on principles instead of rules, so there wasn't a lot to rebel against. All of us kids would come into my folks room after we got home at night and tell about our time. As a high schooler and beyond, I was very connected to my brother's kids,extremely busy with music, found school not too hard, was casual friends with many and close friends with few, loved travel, and basically lost my sister, who had been my heroine. In many ways, I saw things through my parents' perspective more than my siblings, as they were older and had both married people who were very insecure. In addition, during my university years, I think my mom faced the reality of what my dad was capable of emotionally and kind of gave up hope as self defense, even though she decided to stay. Around the same time we lost the church congregation we'd been a part of a long time.

So if anything, rather than rebelling, I was protective of and sympathetic with my folks, my mom in particular, who was a very close friend. Our similarities in perspective and experience made it hard for me to differentiate what was incorrect and immature in me compared to my mom, and what was just different. There also wasn't much to temper the nfj influence in our home, which was positive, but probably needed some leavening or balance. As a result of our similarities, people tended to treat us as interchangeable (she was enfj, I was infj). At this stage, I think I am more individual from her and in the last year's have been much more straightforward about my thoughts and feelings, even when it might be disappointing or potentially make her feel bad. I love my dad, and assume he does the best he is capable of. He's benevolent and agreeable, but entirely uninvested and close to no one. He doesn't think or read much or interact with anyone beyond how a kid would, and it seems to have taken a toll on his memory and faculties. He's still able to drive, but his reasoning and memory have declined a lot and he is disinterested in doing much more than conducting a parallel life from us in the house. Since retiring, he seems to fill much of his time with things like getting the mail and napping. He's not unpleasant, but has always treated those closest to him on a similar level of intimacy as a stranger or next door neighbour. I've been very straight up with him about how I'd like things to be, and tried to get to know him, but as he did throughout the years, he says nothing, and then continues on how he did before. I thought I was okay with it, but got quite angry in the last year, which I think was actually healthy. I've gone through a period of grief, which has now given way to a sense of benevolent indifference. I feel badly about it, but that's about all there is to feel.

My mom has been the matriarch of the family, providing connection, vision, hospitality, and warmth for siblings, kids and grandkids. We are a team, especially since three of my brother's oldest kids are now living with us in an intergenerational household. She often subs for me when I'm teaching as well.

My relationship to my older brother is pretty decent, and he has more freedom emotionally to pursue it than he did, but he is very busy and lives far away. My sister has estranged us completely (except my brother), as well as one of her children, despite there being no particular conflict. She had a horrific first marriage and has married a milder version of much the same man.

 

[1487610420]

I was gona post a lengthy post talking about myself at length as a child but then I sawed the subforum section so ur loss

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

As a child I was a lot how I am now: happy, enthusiastic, friendly, and imaginative.

I loved reading. I read so much that my mom limited my reading time to two hours a day, except for on weekends because she was worried I was becoming antisocial. But I was always so happy and excited about reading that she eventually felt bad and took away the reading limits. The same thing happened with writing when I was 13ish: my parents thought that I was becoming too withdrawn and lost in a fantasy world and so they told me I had to write them emails about my feelings and I could write only as many words in my novels as I wrote to them about my feelings. That was torture. Ugh.

I liked to build fairy houses and palaces for bugs out of stones and sticks and then decorate them with flowers and bark and pretty pebbles and stuff. I really liked bugs and would catch them and keep them in jars until they died which made me sad. ☹ I also liked to grab crumbs and give them to the ants that would come on our porch or I’d run food out to the ant hills I found.

Ooh, I also liked catching snakes, frogs, and toads and keeping them for a week (but then I let them go because I didn’t want to accidentally kill them).

I loved horses and was always playing wild horses with my siblings. I also liked to gallop around the house pretending to be a horse which drove my mom nuts.

I was also obsessed with Star Wars and watched the movies over and over and over again, memorized all of the Star Wars soundtracks and would hum them (drove my whole family nuts) and collected Star Wars role-play figurines.

And here's a picture of me when I was ... probably 10?

 

[citizen cane]

I was very different. Considered gifted, used words my peers didn't understand, was self-assured, and as a preschooler had a habit of giving unsolicited and often unwanted hugs. I was also, to quite a degree, sensitive and conflict-averse unless it came to debating. I think I may have already posted in here but I'm too lazy to look back before posting. I had such a penchant for reading adults got annoyed trying to tear me away from books here and there. Especially the boxcar children, animorpha, and damn near any nature field guide I could get my hands on.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I was gona post a lengthy post talking about myself at length as a child but then I sawed the subforum section so ur loss

No u wrnt.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

As a young child, I was the "weirdo" to other kids. I had a good sense of humor (I thought) and enjoyed making people laugh. Being funny was how I broke through the "weirdo" title but sometimes I would let my humor get carried away and quickly found myself back in that zone. I was obsessed with animals. Always checked out wildlife books at the library. Had pretty much no friends. Picked on a lot by other girls. I found myself often trying, but failing, to pretend to be someone I wasn't for the sake of acceptance amongst peers. In the outsise world I was desperately trying to live vividly and be an extrovert but didn't have the social skill set to really do so. At home, life was pretty rough. I was very introverted and reclusive around my family. I often spent time alone when I was able to. Very angry and depressed. I wanted so desperately to escape that life from a very young age.

As a teen, I think I stopped caring about fitting in so much. The bullying from elementary school had beaten down my confidence. I turned to the goth kids group in middle school because it seemed to be the only place I fit in and found friends. I found that group of people had a pretty good balance of enthusiasm for things like music, fashion & socializing while also carrying their fair share of teenage angst towards family and school. I eventually got to a point where I started vocalizing my dissatisfaction at home with my family and become a pretty outspoken person who wouldn't take shit anymore. I wasn't getting bullied anymore after that point because I no longer allowed it. I was suspended from school pretty frequently throughout middle and high school because I became a vigilante for the unpopular kids often standing up and defending what I believed in.

Through high school I had a very small group of friends who I considered to be my best friends. I didn't really have much patience or interest in acquaintances, though I was always nice to people. I was good at art and that became a big focus for me my junior and senior years at the tech school I attended. I had a couple enemy girls who were always trying to start shit, but I was pretty good at focusing my energy elsewhere. I loved being out and about and though introverted, I was never afraid to converse with people if they started the conversation first. I didn't like being the center of attention but always hated being the loner in the corner.

I feel like a lot of my behavior attributed to the way I was raised. I was the oldest of 5 kids (only girl), we lived in a small 2 bedroom home where there was never privacy unless you locked yourself in the bathroom. My parents fought a lot and were emotionally immature and unfit to really parent us at their young age. Our home was disgusting and so people never came over and we were never allowed to leave the house. If we did get permission to play outside, we had to stay in our yard. We didn't vacation. We didn't visit museums. We didn't go to the mall. We didn't eat fast food. We didn't do a lot of anything and I think my desire to get the hell out and actually experience life and the world was a direct result of this. My personality is a stark contrast to my parents and I've always wondered how much of my environment shaped my personality type today. Maybe I would have been naturally extroverted if it wasn't for certain roadblocks in life. Maybe I wouldn't suffer with anxiety and depression the way I do if it wasn't for my childhood. I don't know. Things I'll always ponder.

Me at probably age 8.

Middle school. Probably age 14.

Age 16 at St. Pete Beach with my best friend and her family.
They actually treated me very well and gave me a lot of hope in life.

 

[1487610420]

No u wrnt.

nah fam

 

[Mayflower]

As a kid, I was super outgoing. No fear of anyone or anything. A bit of a daredevil, showing off on my mini-motorcycle (My mother had to get rid of it for fear I would hurt myself). I was temperamental, but my anger was always just a flash in the pan. I wasn't a bully, but I liked to show my dominance from time to time. Contrary to what you all may be thinking, but I was the teacher's pet. I was a flirt early on, and did anything to garner the attention of any girl that caught my eye at the moment. At around age 14, Social Anxiety hit me from out of nowhere. I acted awkward around others and I isolated myself to the point that in high school, one teacher was concerned with my lack of participation retreat from others. Oddly, I was well-liked by my peers. My outgoing side surfaced from time to time in competitions such a sparring. Not much has changed since.

 

[Agent Washington]

Holy hell, this reminds me of my goth phase.....


... I think I'd better not talk about that???? ?? ? good god

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

As a child I was a lot how I am now: happy, enthusiastic, friendly, and imaginative.

I loved reading. I read so much that my mom limited my reading time to two hours a day, except for on weekends because she was worried I was becoming antisocial. But I was always so happy and excited about reading that she eventually felt bad and took away the reading limits. The same thing happened with writing when I was 13ish: my parents thought that I was becoming too withdrawn and lost in a fantasy world and so they told me I had to write them emails about my feelings and I could write only as many words in my novels as I wrote to them about my feelings. That was torture. Ugh.

I liked to build fairy houses and palaces for bugs out of stones and sticks and then decorate them with flowers and bark and pretty pebbles and stuff. I really liked bugs and would catch them and keep them in jars until they died which made me sad. ☹ I also liked to grab crumbs and give them to the ants that would come on our porch or I’d run food out to the ant hills I found.

Ooh, I also liked catching snakes, frogs, and toads and keeping them for a week (but then I let them go because I didn’t want to accidentally kill them).

I loved horses and was always playing wild horses with my siblings. I also liked to gallop around the house pretending to be a horse which drove my mom nuts.

I was also obsessed with Star Wars and watched the movies over and over and over again, memorized all of the Star Wars soundtracks and would hum them (drove my whole family nuts) and collected Star Wars role-play figurines.

And here's a picture of me when I was ... probably 10?

So I was thinking last night, and I realized my above post wasn’t really authentic because it only revealed the sunny side of my childhood when really it wasn’t super sunny. Idk I didn’t do it on purpose, just, the part of me that interacts with others is very happy whereas the part of me that doesn’t isn’t (but is also more real).

So this was how I really was:

I was very happy as a child but I was also scared, and felt worthless. You see, I was born into a family with a lot of problems that I’m not going to go into, but long story short, me and my sister were taken away from my parents by the state. My dad’s parents wanted to adopt us, and they took care of us for a year, but there were so many problems surrounding their family that they just wanted us out of there. Me and my sister ended up being adopted by our second cousin and her husband.

I spent all of my childhood wondering why I hadn’t been good enough for my parents to keep me (I was deemed too young to know the real reasons why I was put up for adoption) and then why I’d been so very worthless as to be rejected a second time by my own grandparents. I made up stories about how instead of being a “bad” kid (I decided that I must have been a horrible baby and toddler), I’d been like, a super one-year-old who made zero mistakes, helped with chores, and was able to speak within a couple minutes of being born.

I was also really scared of being rejected again. I was amiable and so made friends easily, but I suspected that they were all just being my friend to be “nice” and didn’t really like me, and thought that they would all abandon me. I tried really hard to get everyone to like me, but if all of the external signs of popularity were there, I would think they were fake. Also, my belief that I was worthless made my hypersensitive to criticism, and I really wished I could be more like my two sisters who were my current parents’ biological kids.

I escaped most of my pain by checking out of the real world and mentally running away into fantasy land through playing, reading, and making up stories. My escapism worked really well as a coping mechanism until I hit puberty and decided I was tired of feeling worthless and so was going to perfect myself. I stopped doing anything for fun and instead pursued only “useful” endeavors, and tried to develop as many talents as I could. I became scared of talking to friends and acquaintances because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, plus, I didn’t think they liked me anyways. I stopped spending much time with my family, because I wanted to devote everything I had to becoming perfect. I spent a lot of time daydreaming about the future me, the me that was going to be perfect and who everyone would like for real.

One of the things I decided to perfect was my body, and I ended up being clinically diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. Then followed a couple rough years in which I ceased caring about others and instead became self-centered and manipulative, abandoned most of my values (apparently my perfectionism didn’t include moral perfection), and became depressed but also dug all of the horrible gunk out of me and healed.

Now I am back to my natural self but no longer need to escape to cope because I know I am inherently valuable, it was my parents’ fault I was adopted (it wasn’t because they didn’t want me), that my grandparents didn’t keep me not because I was worthless but because they wanted what was best for me, that my friends for real like me, and that I am unconditionally loved by my family.

So yeah, I was like that plus all of the rainbow dreamy unicorn land stuff. This is probably TMI and I’m probably going to regret posting this tomorrow.

 

[OrangeAppled]

So it's all types now, huh?
Oookaaaay, if you insist!

-----

As a child, I was extremely quiet so that people would exclaim “She talks!” when I’d finally say something around them. When very little, I was very cuddly with a select few people (ie my mom and grandmother). Otherwise, I was wary of strangers and immediately disliked most people. I took a looooong time to warm up.

In school, I was very well-behaved, but not a people pleaser or particularly concerned about rule-breaking. I kind of had my own moral code that I felt was higher anyway. Getting in trouble or criticized angered me because I felt my good was going unrecognized and/or underrated.

At home, I was called temperamental and ornery and even cold once I ceased to be a cuddly little kid. I mostly got in trouble for talking back and ignoring chores. I had a smart mouth on me and often had complicated arguments for everything. I also felt invalidated a lot, feeling ganged up on by my mom and sister who had such a markedly different perspectives and communication style from me (they are both SFs). Stuff that was important to me was often belittled because I couldn’t communicate it in concrete terms, so I kept all of my feelings to myself. I was actually highly sensitive, but it usually came out in an angry, defensive way. I got accused of not caring a lot, even though I cared deeply but couldn’t articulate it. I am certain I was drawn to visual art from the moment I could hold a pencil because of this.

So I got criticized for not being an SF (ie warm and people-focused), and meanwhile my, say, academic achievements were sort of shrugged off. I was brimming with ideas, but my mom was only interested in the drama gossip my sister brought home. Of course, my sister claims I was favored because I was more responsible and did better in school, but I’d say I was respected more (my parents were proud of me) and she was liked more (they enjoyed her personality more).

I was quite a loner and spent most of my free time drawing, reading and writing. I created cartoon strips, greeting cards, short stories, poems, lyrics, etc. I generally liked to create characters and imaginary worlds. I read voraciously and often stuff far above my age. I was also very spiritual from a young age. I was raised religious, so this probably encouraged it, but I thought about stuff like “the nature of God” since I was in kindergarten. Mentally, I’d spend a lot of time working out what I felt and thought about everything, especially spiritual and moral concepts.

I was very girly as far as liking Barbie dolls and dress-up, but for me it was about character creation and imaginary worlds. There were times I’d have a few very close friendships, or at least one, and it would be almost mutually obsessive. As an adult, when I have run into these people, they refer to these imaginary characters and worlds as if they were real. I was actually often the dominant personality among friends.

I could also be very wacky, as I loved absurdities. My favorite cartoons were Looney Toons, Animaniacs & Tiny Toons, and my major inspiration was Calvin & Hobbes. Anytime my sister came across something weird or whimsical, she’d refer me to it saying, “I think you’d like this”. My sister also used to say I was like Daria, because I was sardonic & brainy & appeared detached as a teen, although I was also into fashion and more internally emotional, so I wasn’t just like her.

Sports terrified me, as I felt like I was in a warzone and about to be humiliated. I was very cerebral and disconnected from my body. I was definitely a know-it-all. I would find myself a dissenter a lot - always having different tastes or opinions than other girls my age.

I did very well academically and was given special treatment because of it. By my pre-teens, I was absent as much as half the time, and I’d just do make up work at home and show up for tests. My teachers kind of looked the other way because they considered me bright & I did quality work. I was actually encouraged most to pursue math and/or science because I did well in them (better than my male peers too), but I was more interested in the humanities. I disliked history and PE the most. When I was at home “sick”, I mostly would spend all day in emotionally heavy fantasy, listening to music and reading. I read everything in the house, including encyclopedias (this was pre-internet world).

I always had some scorn for peers who I mostly considered to be stupid and to have bad taste, with exceptions of course. I think that was a defense for feeling alienated and unappreciated by them. Kids who did like me usually found my imagination entertaining. I would also draw pretty well when younger, and by my teens I was considered stylish but in a personal way, and this got me positive attention.

If I was a cliche (which I pretty much was), then I was basically the arty smart girl. I was quiet and a tad strange, but I didn’t get teased. I felt outcast, but as an adult I see it was mostly self-imposed.

 

[Coriolis]

I feel like a lot of my behavior attributed to the way I was raised. I was the oldest of 5 kids (only girl), we lived in a small 2 bedroom home where there was never privacy unless you locked yourself in the bathroom. My parents fought a lot and were emotionally immature and unfit to really parent us at their young age. Our home was disgusting and so people never came over and we were never allowed to leave the house. If we did get permission to play outside, we had to stay in our yard. We didn't vacation. We didn't visit museums. We didn't go to the mall. We didn't eat fast food. We didn't do a lot of anything and I think my desire to get the hell out and actually experience life and the world was a direct result of this. My personality is a stark contrast to my parents and I've always wondered how much of my environment shaped my personality type today. Maybe I would have been naturally extroverted if it wasn't for certain roadblocks in life. Maybe I wouldn't suffer with anxiety and depression the way I do if it wasn't for my childhood. I don't know. Things I'll always ponder.

From what I have read, our personalities are hardwired, at least in terms of how our brain functions, barring pathological conditions. Behavior, on the other hand, will be influenced by environment and upbringing in combination with that innate personality. In other words, had you been born a different type, it is likely you would have acted differently in the situations you faced. Similarly, had you grown up in different circumstances, your personality would have manifested itself differently as well. That is why it is near impossible to link behavior directly to type.

I used to wonder if I am the way I am because of the way I was treated growing up. In retrospect I have come to think instead that I was treated that way because of how I already, innately, was. I was probably considered a "weirdo", too, and also had few friends. That used to bother me in elementary school, and I would wish the other kids included me in their play and socializing. Until they did on occasion, and I realized how little I enjoyed their pastimes. By the time I was in middle school, I had stopped worrying about fitting in and being part of a group, and just went my own way and did my own thing. I always read incessantly. In fact, I can't remember learning to read - I was too little. I used to ride my bike to the library on Saturday afternoon and browse through the stacks for books, and music. I played piano from the age of 6, learned to cook and sew from my mother, how to crochet from a family friend, how to do woodworking from my dad, how to think, reason, and learn from history from an uncle. My expectations for myself were always much higher than anyone else's, and I generally met or exceeded them. School was terrible because of the wasted time, focus on process, and the juvenile behavior of those around me, but I tried to make the most of those years, in and out of school, and learn as much as I could. As I went through my teenage years, I realized I fit in no better with adults than I had with kids. At least not until I became a full-fledged adult and was on my own and independent. Now I choose my company, and all is well.

 

[SwimmerGal97]

As a kid I was quiet and was generally liked by most other kids and my teachers. I loved reading (I forever had my nose stuck in a book and had to have entire series of books that I could arrange on my shelf) and drawing and spending time in the garden and like a lot of little girls loved all things fairies and magic. I wasn't the most adventurous and was pretty cautious when going out on my own (although I grew up in quite a rough area so I'd always been warned heavily about safety which was probably why I was so paranoid). I was a bit of a suck up at primary school- a school councillor, eco councillor, road safety officer, playground monitor, library monitor, office helper, top table in every subject except maths (I am just not a mathematician and I would refuse to do it! I was great at non verbal exercises though).....generally fairly easy going but sometimes could get VERY bossyI was also pretty dedicated to sports from quite early on and craved people telling me I was good at things. These days I'm quite confident in my own abilities but back then I wasn't sure unless someone told me for sure that I was doing well.