To expect someone to wait around for you indefinitely until you figure something or "become ready for a relationship" can be really selfish. I've been on the receiving end of that from INFPs and it's not cool.
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Thanks CzeCze. it's funny because when speaking to my other friends, none of whom are INFPs, they tend to agree with your input saying that I've been really patient and not pressured her. But what's interesting to me is to see how much is below the surface of her "openmindedness" as someone put it...I'm completely willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because I really like her...however I also don't want to walk my heart off a cliff, as I tend to do
![Smile :) :)](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
Thanks again for your point of view.
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Ha! Ha! See PerfectGirl, the OP agrees with me!!! So THERE!
LOL.
I'm kidding of course.
I don't want to invalidate your feelings PG, and I think it's really helpful for the OP and for anyone else who wants to date an INFP to hear your viewpoint. I believe it when you state how you would perceive someone 'walking away' from you. I'm sure it would feel crappy and even like punishment or maybe spiteful? Or like they are doing something sneaky.
However the intent isn't punishment and there is no ulterior motive. Just the opposite, it's to provide as much clarity and known elements into a very confusing situation. It's to leave everyone with the best outcome possible. To make it as win-win as possible.
Because again, from my experience, I don't think INFPs or really anyone who says "I need time" means to be selfish or grab all the power in the relationship - but people often do a lot of damage in romantic situations without meaning to. In fact, I think it's more common for people to hurt others in romantic situations unintentionally or as an unavoidable side-effect - because rejection just means they don't want to be with you, not that they don't care. And the definition of 'thoughtlessness' is not taking something or someone into consideration.
And frankly, and this may be an unpopular viewpoint, but in general you really, really, do NOT want to be led around in a relationship by the seeming whims or changing emotions of an XNFP. You are just asking, BIG TIME, for trouble. By all means, people should be allowed to feel and express and share what they are feeling with their partners, but NEVER let a relationship be run by the emotional currents of one partner, regardless of that person's type.
KC, I completely understand the desire to be supportive and nurturing to your INFP, however, (and the good thing here is that you are a 'J') some of the best ways you can do that for her, yourself, and the situation/relationship is to implement structure and expectations and keep a clear view of the whole situation.
I think striking a balance, as you seem to want to do, is the best bet. Be respectful, be supportive, but remember, you are the J! YOU ARE THE 'J'!!!
LOL.
Let us know how it turns out!