Are ESFJs really sensitive and caring or is it a ploy?

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

I just don't understand them, one moment they seem like the most compassionate, caring and warm person I've ever met and the next moment, without warning, they transform into a vindictive and spiteful predator. It's almost like they can turn their compassion on and off at will. So what's the deal, are they really sensitive and caring, or is it just a means to an end for them?

 

[Red Ribbon]

I find esfjs to be very kind and caring. I might be one myself actually.

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

I just don't understand them, one moment they seem like the most compassionate, caring and warm person I've ever met and the next moment, without warning, they transform into a vindictive and spiteful predator. It's almost like they can turn their compassion on and off at will. So what's the deal, are they really sensitive and caring, or is it just a means to an end for them?

They have just hormonal imbalance. Or premenstrual syndrome

If it's a girl, that's the reason. Search for it. Awareness is essential. XD

It doesn't really have to do being esfj, because some mbti types can also do the same thing. It just so happen that you encountered it in an esfj.

Probably labeling people isn't good because lots of sensitive people here and you should not just generalize a certain mbti type as someone being something else.

Or you're just asking anyways. XD

Okay. It's pms bro. Forgive the girl. She's just in pain inside that they inflict her pain outside.

 

[Poki]

Its not a ploy, but they like to help in their way, which may or may not align with who they are helping/caring for.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

I just don't understand them, one moment they seem like the most compassionate, caring and warm person I've ever met and the next moment, without warning, they transform into a vindictive and spiteful predator. It's almost like they can turn their compassion on and off at will. So what's the deal, are they really sensitive and caring, or is it just a means to an end for them?

I'm extremely sensitive and caring and it's one of the most genuine things about me. If I seem to turn my compassion off, it's because I think you're going to hurt me. I actually still care about you and want the best for you, but I don't want you to know that because you could use it against me.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Ploy.

 

[Yama]

That depends on the person and the situation.

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

Its not a ploy, but they like to help in their way, which may or may not align with who they are helping/caring for.

"help"

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Ploy.

lol care to explain?

 

[Lady Lazarus]

lol care to explain?

Not particularly, no.

 

[HisKittyKat]

I have not met a healthy sane ESFJ, nor ISFJ for that matter. FJs are by far the most emotional types in the MBTI, I simply can not deal, UGGG.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I just don't understand them, one moment they seem like the most compassionate, caring and warm person I've ever met and the next moment, without warning, they transform into a vindictive and spiteful predator. It's almost like they can turn their compassion on and off at will. So what's the deal, are they really sensitive and caring, or is it just a means to an end for them?

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with someone who behaves like that because they are clearly unhealthy emotionally.

ESFJ is one of the largest categories of personality types, and so it is reasonable to expect great diversity in the category. I think there are some people for whom the Fe and Si combination makes them especially consistent. There is also the stereotype of SFJs being exceptional nurses because they can remember all of the important details, steps, procedures, and have a consistently positive bedside manner. Si is a stabilizing function based on experience, and Fe can also be a stabilizing function as it seeks to maintain external harmony and order. I can see that some ESFJs could behave the way you describe, but do allow for the possibility of some behaving in an exceptionally consistent and kind manner.

Edit: I will add that observing inconsistency is a good indicator of manipulation and falsehood. If a person is super sweet and all sunshine one moment and bashing people the next, then yes, the positive expression is likely fake. There is a high correlation between consistency and honesty.

 

[Gone]

I just don't understand them, one moment they seem like the most compassionate, caring and warm person I've ever met and the next moment, without warning, they transform into a vindictive and spiteful predator. It's almost like they can turn their compassion on and off at will. So what's the deal, are they really sensitive and caring, or is it just a means to an end for them?

Why can't it be both?

 

[Norrsken]

There's always three sides to every story. Your side, the other person's side, and ultimately, the truth.
Have you perhaps said or done something to hurt this ESFJ individual that causes them to lash out at you?

 

[Hiraeth]

My dad is one and he is one of the most self-less, caring individuals I know and I also know firsthand it's not just a front he puts up either. The ESFJs you've dealt with were perhaps not in a healthy frame of mind. Everyone is also different under each type. Unfortunately for you though, I'd presume you probably met your fair share of the asshole variety instead.

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

There's always three sides to every story. Your side, the other person's side, and ultimately, the truth. Have you perhaps said or done something to hurt this ESFJ individual that causes them to lash out at you?

That's the thing, I say and do things ALL THE time that cause them to lash out without warning. I have no idea what I did wrong the overwhelming majority of the time and when I ask them what it was they didn't like about what I did they don't even feel they should have to explain themselves and they continue to lash out. It could be as simple as me asking a question about something they said, in a completely impersonal way, to gain an understanding of what they were saying, and suddenly I'm made to feel like I'm some kind of jerk/idiot/whatever and I end up feeling misunderstood and a bit taken advantage of, like they don't value what I have to add to the conversation and just expect me to nod my head and not question anything they say or do ever no matter what. It's tiring and it's bullshit.

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

My dad is one and he is one of the most self-less, caring individuals I know and I also know firsthand it's not just a front he puts up either. The ESFJs you've dealt with were perhaps not in a healthy frame of mind. Everyone is also different under each type. Unfortunately for you though, I'd presume you probably met your fair share of the asshole variety instead.

No, he's not an asshole, just a bit inconsiderate sometimes

 

[Norrsken]

That's the thing, I say and do things ALL THE time that cause them to lash out without warning. I have no idea what I did wrong the overwhelming majority of the time and when I ask them what it was they didn't like about what I did they don't even feel they should have to explain themselves and they continue to lash out. It could be as simple as me asking a question about something they said, in a completely impersonal way, to gain an understanding of what they were saying, and suddenly I'm made to feel like I'm some kind of jerk/idiot/whatever and I end up feeling misunderstood and a bit taken advantage of, like they don't value what I have to add to the conversation and just expect me to nod my head and not question anything they say or do ever no matter what. It's tiring and it's bullshit.

I have an inkling that you and the ESFJ in question are adolescents or somewhere in your early twenties, yes?

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

I have an inkling that you and the ESFJ in question are adolescents or somewhere in your early twenties, yes?

Im not gonna answer that, it's irrelevant to the post.

 

[fetus]

I just don't understand them, one moment they seem like the most compassionate, caring and warm person I've ever met and the next moment, without warning, they transform into a vindictive and spiteful predator. It's almost like they can turn their compassion on and off at will. So what's the deal, are they really sensitive and caring, or is it just a means to an end for them?

That really depends. I also think anyone can do that.

I can only speak for myself. It's true that I can turn vindictive and spiteful...it's honestly when I've been hurt, or if I've been bottling things up.

However, if someone changes like that in just moments, there might be a real issue going on that's not related to type at all.

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

I have not met a healthy sane ESFJ, nor ISFJ for that matter. FJs are by far the most emotional types in the MBTI, I simply can not deal, UGGG.

I agree, I think it's true that on average, some types are predisposed to more unhealthy/healthy behaviors on average than others. Although when I point out a messed up behavior that I consistently see in one type, people will always deny that it's related to type and just say that the individual was unhealthy.