[NF] An NF Curse?

[runvardh]

Oh, you are too kind. I don't know that I'm quite there.... baby steps....

It's not easy, I'm not even totally there yet, it's all about keeping on plugging at it. Most definately baby steps.

 

[Introverts_Unite!]

My take, in general, on this thread is that our future orientation is a blessing and a curse. A blessing in terms of seeing the seeds of greatness in other people and ideas -- what we can aspire to and so forth, how ideas can change the world. But on the flip side (and I heard this exact phrase from another INFJ) we can be burdened with a sense of Doom when fear and insecurities are present.

Burden is a good word, too. The first time someone noticed it in me was the General Manager in my first job. Long story about the mismatched job/personality, but basically I was in my supervisor's office crying over something. The GM, who never seemed to have a care in the world, not a hair out of place, and someone we called "Shiney Shoes" behind his back, asked me, "What is your burden??" I stared at him. I had no idea I even had a burden.

Years later, I read the INFJ description by Otto Kroeger in "Type Talk." He says, in part, "They would do better to work out tensions within themselves than to focus on external conflicts, because they often carry very heavy inner burdens." I was shocked ... someone understood. This might be particular to INFJs, though ENFJ's seem to carry heavy burdens as well.

re: late bloomerism and perfectionism ... I have never voluntarily brought a skill out into public until I was sure I'd mastered it in private (a conundrum in dating, for sure!). To the extent that I could avoid team sports and competition, I did. Maybe that's just introversion, not so much NF's per se. But NF's are definitely idealists, and we can expect perfectionism in ourselves.

I was in a happy place working for an ENFJ boss once (in the ministry) but was badly hurt in the end (his daughter ended up replacing me). NF's can see potential that no one else can, so he helped me in that way ... but IF and when that potential doesn't materialize up to the NF's expectations, it is a big fall from grace. The person who lifted my spirits the most when that happened was an ESTJ .... God bless the practical SJ's To this day I mistrust spiritual authority and take other NF's with serious doses of salt when they flatter me. But SJ's - I take it to the bank!
Sorry, I'm not sure how I got off topic but - there it is ... a waNdering thread.

 

[gretch]

I think a perfectionism would be a sort of shame. Guilt is betraying any belief that you have. Shame is believing it's your fault.
Idealists idealize things, but when it goes awry, they have the decision to blame themselves for the wrongs of the universe or not.
I am starting to let go of my perfectionist ways. Though I think everyone's idea of 'perfect' manifests itself differently.

 

[disregard]

Failure is great. It makes success so sweet. It is also humbling.

I find it interesting how you often succeed but anticipate failure.. I am the opposite.

 

[Wandering]

I wonder if there is a particular manifestation to this in types with dominant intuition combined with feeling. Perhaps something with the intuition seeing many possibilities and feeling judgement getting fixated on the negative ones in an act of proactive emotional self-protection?

That was also my line of thought while I was reading this thread. In particular, when someone mentioned the ST shadow, I felt myself thinking "no, not the ST one: the NF one!" It's very clear in me for example: Ne goes crazy imagining all the things that could possibly go wrong, while Fi holds me to impossible self-imposed standards. I can imagine that in return a shadow Ni would pick up clues here and there and come to some mistaken but apparently inescapable negative prediction, while a shadow Fe would try and hold someone to imaginary but seemingly iron-cast social or familial expectations.

I remember discussing "self-talk" in a college class: the things you say to yourself in your own mind, and how your life might be different if you told yourself different things. There was a long list of possible things people tell themselves and seem to accept as true. One of them was "It's terrible to make a mistake."

When I read it, I stared in amazement. What? Huh? You mean it's possible that making mistakes ISN'T terrible? It's possible that I don't have to crucify myself every time I make a mistake? How on earth would that work?

I went through something eerily familiar :rolli: The shock of that discovery was of earth-shattering proportions...

You have no idea how scared I was. I was terrified. My heart was thumping. But deep down I *knew* I would regret it if I didn't. I knew I had to go, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't. So, that was my answer. And 10 days later I was driving cross country to the unknown. So with the big stuff...I always end up following my gut.

I went through that too. Several times. That "I just *have* to do it or I'll regret not doing it" feeling is just irresistible.

(I sometimes wonder what I must look like to people around me : on the one hand, I can be unsure and awfully anxious about the most insignificant details, but on the other hand I can take the most amazing life-changing decisions that some people freak out just hearing about them )

 

[theshadow]

That was also my line of thought while I was reading this thread. In particular, when someone mentioned the ST shadow, I felt myself thinking "no, not the ST one: the NF one!" It's very clear in me for example: Ne goes crazy imagining all the things that could possibly go wrong, while Fi holds me to impossible self-imposed standards. I can imagine that in return a shadow Ni would pick up clues here and there and come to some mistaken but apparently inescapable negative prediction, while a shadow Fe would try and hold someone to imaginary but seemingly iron-cast social or familial expectations.

wandering you tricky little kitty. you just love infp;s huh.

I see something similar happen in isfp's. of course for different reasons though

 

[Athenian200]

I'm paranoid of failures in things that I do, but I don't see that as always a bad thing. It just means I'll do everything I can to avoid it... which has made a difference at times.

 

[marm]

I can see how perfectionism would particularly be emphasized for an INFJ. The auxiliary Fe makes them more acutely aware of social expectations and such. An INFP can almost be intentionally oblivious to the world. An INFP has perfectionistic ideas that relate to others, but still its their own personal thing. If they fail, its them judging themselves. And, as a dominant, an INFP's Fi feels more certain to them.

 

[wedekit]

Yeah, my mom always asks me how my first day of classes went and I always reply "I'm going to fail"... and then I usually make all A's. Even in tough Theology and Philosophy classes. I take my negative attitude as me challenging myself.