Again need help with typing my parents.... (long post)

[Halfjillhalfjack]

I had another thread on this topic a while ago......
However, I need your help again....I thought I was sure about
their type......
I once made an MBTI test myself, and there they tested
ESTJ (dad) and ESXX (mum); which I found somewhat reasonable,
not due to the fact that I made the test because it seemed to fit my
parents.
However, I recently came to think that my dad could also be an ESTP,
and with my mum....I am just not sure if she is an ESFJ, she could well
be an ESFP or something else....... I'd really appreciate your opinion
on this.....

My Mum:

- She is a teacher for elementary school (made her a-levels via second-change education), but has never worked in that job, but has assisted my dad in his doctor's practice as a radiographer. And has done all the secretary and financial stuff for my dad, she keeps a very good check of this).
- I am somehow sure she is not an N, because she despises my theoretical and philosophical nature, harrharr. mostly talks about people, things, and objects
- She sees herself as not analytical and not intellectual, sometimes even as not as intelligent as my dad or me (very sad, I don't really think she is less intelligent)
- She is rather self-confident. But she says she was extremely shy when she was young, and had to learn to express herself and fight for herself. She was very impressionable when she was young when it came to social status or education (she did not grow up in very advantaged circumstances)
- She is very enthusiastic, and she either absolutely loves something or hates it....and very expressive of her opinions, even if others have not asked for it.....she is very extraverted in the sense that she speaks to strangers all the time, even telling them things which they (possibly) are not interested in
- She is empathetic. She can be. But she can also be very cold....! E.g., if I cry in front of her, she is not comforting at all, but often even accuses me for crying.....I find this hard, and this is what made me doubt that she is an F.... I don't know. On the other hand, she says that she often feels helpless when she sees me sad, and not overtly comforting/hugging me is does not mean that she is not moved by it.....she even says she is so cold BECAUSE it really hurts her to see me cry etc.
- As I said, I don't think she is intuitive....she is extremely not interested in abstract thought, and doesn't like it. However, I think it might be possible that she uses tertiary Ni or Ne, because she can be very paranoid about people having certain diseases (especially concerning her child, which is me.... if I mention some pain, she immediately comes up with a disease this could be.....)....
- She was a veeeeery domineering mother. she put all of her energy into me. rather into "practical" comfort, I'd say. she was extremely overprotective (possibly also due to the fact that I was a preemie and she worried a lot about me)..... She always knows what is the right thing for me to do, and still tells me so. Veeery judgemental.
- she argues with a lot of "shoulds", and argues in line with what is "standard" or "normal" (Everybody does this....etc.)...
- she laments a lot when she is in pain. sounds horrible, because many people do, but I mean a loooooooooot.
- Is a very positive person, satisfied with her life, but can also be extremely pessimistic......in the Murphy-way.... if something COULD go wrong, she assumes it will go wrong and talks about it all the time as if it already had gone wrong....
- thinks "I wish I had done this that way".... a lot.... not really regretting, because it rather applies to small, recent things (like ordering the wrong dish at a restaurant).....
- Fights for her rights and complains if she feels she is treated unjustly.....
- Can be rather emotionally manipulative, and does not speak to you to put you under pressure if she is offended.....
- somehow defines herself through the movies, theater plays etc. she has seen - cultural stuff, but..... I think she has a bit of a inferiority complex when it comes to cultural education, because she lacked it before she came to "the city" at twenty.....
- she is not "good with her hands", doing technical stuff etc.... kind of a cliché, I know....
- She is rather organized, very punctual, but.....can also be spantanous. and not as planned as my dad, that is, doesn't make thaaat much detailed plans before traveling. But..... always reminds me what I have to do....erm.
- she is really youthful for her age, and while she is feminine she wears rather sporty clothes (not really sporty, but nothing very elegant).....

gosh, this sounds so negative...... even though we have problems, she is the best mother I could have wished for, really......
- she talks a loooooot. very bubbly personality.


My Dad
- is a medical doctor for orthopedics and has had his own medical practice for over 30 years. He is definitively a person of in-charge interaction style. Likes to be his own boss, always.
- He is very analytical, and he highly values analytical reasoning. He is very precise in his argumentation.
- Very good with his hands (liked to work as a surgeon former on)
- Very bossy, I have to say. He is always right. He argues with you as long as he has defeated you and has proven that he is always right.
- Cannot stand criticism AT ALL. If you criticize him about anything, he will make fun of this feature in a quite sarcastic manner....hard to describe.....
- Is very interested in other people and their stories, and helps where he can, but is not really empathetic. Hard to describe...... He really loves his job, and he is a perfectionists when it comes to his job. He has always done it out of the idealism to help people.
- He is very conservative when it comes to certain issues, especially his views on gender dichotomy.....reeeeally conservative. He often argues "women are like this...." and vice versa, very stereotypical gender thinking.... and role thinking..... he would never cook for himself. never, ever. If my mum had not assumed that role, he would alway eat in a restaurant or snack bar etc.....
- Is the most active person I know. Likes doing all kinds of sports, like skiing, cycling, running etc. extremely active all the time. likes to be out in nature, and to discover things. likes to travel a looooot. a looot. a looot.
is also a kind of indulgence-person.....wanting to have expensive dinner in restaurants etc.
- was kind of a lady-killer when he was young, and started early on, errm.... however, has been together with my mother since he was 21....
- Thinks, that everybody can achieve everything they want.
- Is really into watching formula one, and fast and expensive cars in general (also driving and owning them himself, if possible, haha)..... kind of a speed junkie I'd say when it comes to driving cars ....
- you could also say that he talks a lot..... but he's not as bubbly as my mum, not as enthusiastic....he really stands behind the things he does and likes (100 percent), but is not as bubbly when talking about them as my mum...
- He is extreeeeemly neat. his things in his room are arranged in a special way, and noone is allowed to touch them ......
- doesn't care for fashion and his clothes. sometimes buys really awful clothes ..... not things which I don't like, but which obviously do not suit him at all.....
- Has to buy a lot of new music, books, etc. in order to feel good. especially things which are talked about in the media. not everything, I mean....ah, hard to explain. but often does not have the time to read the books he buys or listen to the cds he buys.
- He is a real perfectionist when it comes to his. reeeeally. and he does a lot of training courses for his job.
- Is very good with his patients, very popular. He has a very competent and calming demeanor in his job, I'd say.

Okaaay. Sorry for rambling. I'd just like to know what you think.......
If somehow has also guesses on their enneagramm type - I'd really appreciate them ..... but I know that may be even harder than MBTI type through second-hand-descriptions.....

 

[21%]

My best guess:

Mum - ESXJ
She sounds a lot like an ESTJ I know. I've never met an ESFJ who wouldn't comfort you if you're crying.

Dad - ESTJ
Enneagram 8 perhaps?

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

My best guess:

Mum - ESXJ
She sounds a lot like an ESTJ I know. I've never met an ESFJ who wouldn't comfort you if you're crying.

Dad - ESTJ
Enneagram 8 perhaps?

thanks for your best guess ! I have also thought that my mum could be an ESTJ.....also considering the fact that she does never accept if I say no, but keeps on pushing me to do certain things....I'm not saying that all T's are like that, I know many who are NOT at all, but I do not know an F who does not accept if I say no (they may be hurt, they may be offended, but they'd never push me that openly)..... but then, my mum and my dad are very different..... my mum is really not that analytic as my dad, not at all.... argh. Makes me think she cannot be Te dominant, but, then...I don't know ... ESFJ does not seem to be really fitting, because I, similar to you, do not know an ESFJ who would not wouldn't comfort someone close to them when they are crying....

Yeees, I can really see my dad as an enneagramm 8, and also as ESTJ!.... as long as I don't see my mother as ESTJ as well......

 

[21%]

Well, your dad might be an N... It's not clear from your descriptions that he's an S. Could he be an ENTJ?

 

[Windigo]

Your mom sounds a lot like my mom who was an ESTP, but she could definitely be an ESTJ as well.

Your dad sounds a lot like me (except for the not handling criticism and not being open to new ideas about gender roles) and I'm an ENTJ.

 

[ragashree]

Your mother sounds very ENFJ, she might not be strong on the auxiliary Ni preference though. Her N usage sounds a bit erratic when coming up with ideas of what "might" happen. Remember extraverts can be very dominant with their extraverted function and cause their other functions to be used/developed less in consequence. She sounds highly Fe and this may take over from everything else, the fact that her life seems largely focussed on caring for or doing things for others seems telling. Some Fe types struggle to deal with other people's negative emotions ESPECIALLY if it seems to be a comment on their own qualities as a caregiver; they would sometimes rather blame the other person in these circumstances for having the "wrong" emotions than show sympathy. I really do think she's Fe dominant.

Your father sounds extremely Te, probably ExTJ. Look at the differences betwen himself and your mother in social interaction and especially how they deal with arguements/disagreements, there you will see how Fe and Te distinguish from each other

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

Well, your dad might be an N... It's not clear from your descriptions that he's an S. Could he be an ENTJ?

Yes....I am not sure though, because he always presses for the practicability of ideas...but as I said, that could also be his Te-dom .....

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

Your mom sounds a lot like my mom who was an ESTP, but she could definitely be an ESTJ as well.

Your dad sounds a lot like me (except for the not handling criticism and not being open to new ideas about gender roles) and I'm an ENTJ.

I'm beginning to think that if my mum is a T, she is rather an ESTP than an ESTJ, that really makes sense, because if she had secondary Ti underdeveloped, she could be using Se and (tertiary) Fe a lot, which really makes sense to me (I mean, I could really see that in her).... because I think she definitively must have Fe somewhere, and really better developed than my dad, and in comparison to my dad, she cannot be Te-dominant.......

that's interesting that your dad sounds like you in many ways.......If he is an ENTJ, I think his Ni must be underdeveloped, or he is very skeptical about using it...... BUT, it might make sense, because he definitively uses Se as well, I think, which then would be tertiary function.....

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

Your mother sounds very ENFJ, she might not be strong on the auxiliary Ni preference though. Her N usage sounds a bit erratic when coming up with ideas of what "might" happen. Remember extraverts can be very dominant with their extraverted function and cause their other functions to be used/developed less in consequence. She sounds highly Fe and this may take over from everything else, the fact that her life seems largely focussed on caring for or doing things for others seems telling. Some Fe types struggle to deal with other people's negative emotions ESPECIALLY if it seems to be a comment on their own qualities as a caregiver; they would sometimes rather blame the other person in these circumstances for having the "wrong" emotions than show sympathy. I really do think she's Fe dominant.

Your father sounds extremely Te, probably ExTJ. Look at the differences betwen himself and your mother in social interaction and especially how they deal with arguements/disagreements, there you will see how Fe and Te distinguish from each other

It's interesting that you suggets ENFJ for my mum....but I'm beginning to think that it could be a good starting point, because, as mmmm hast suggested ESTP, it could really be that my mother uses Fe and Se mostly, which both types use as dominant and tertiary function (in different orders of course) when I am not mistaken, and the more I come to think about it, what I see most in my mum actually could really be Fe and Se.....!
The reason why I had not thought about ENFJ is because we are really different, and I'd never seen her as NF temperament....but it's definitively worth considering! Especially since I read on the bestfittype page that ENFJs can be confused with ESTPs/ESTJs/ENTJs under certain circumstances (but the more I think about it, my mother could never be a dominant Te-user, never, which is even more visible in comparison with my father):...

 

[typologyenthusiast]

Both are extroverted feeler with sensor introvert. But I am not sure which are their primary function.