[MBTI General] 21 year old dating 18 year old?

[Valiant]

I don't see the problem. Go for it.

 

[Bamboo]

That's pretty overwhelming...

So up to the post by YourLocalJesus there were 40 posts aside from my OP.

23 addressed the topic directly.

21 suggested "sure" or "go for it"
1 suggested "that's a gap, wait some time"
1 suggested both but seemed to lean on the side of "go for it."

Well, if TypeC says it's ok...

 

[Bamboo]

I suspect if she were 18 and not in high school there wouldn't even be a question.

When I met my husband I was 17 and he was 20. However, I had been in college already for a couple of years so he never had to wonder if it was okay for him to date a high school girl.

Yeah, that's really all it is. I should have posted the thread title as "college student dating high school student?" If she was 17 and in college I wouldn't care really.

I know lots of guys in my university who date high school girls (Some of which who were in the 10th grade!) and 18 and 21 isn't too bad considering guys are usually older anyway. Also, if you follow the half your age plus seven rule, you can date as young as 17.5

However, a high school mentality is a lot different than a University one, waiting a year would probably make a big difference if you didn't mind. Still I think it's fine. Go for it!

Perhaps I'm projecting how I was in HS and comparing how I am now. It's not that different, but it's pretty significant. But that's not to say that I could have been more mature at that age...

 

[Bamboo]

I think we all know that the most important relationship decider here is type.

WINS THREAD

It's charming you have given this so much thought, but the age gap is relatively small & she is of legal age. It seems fine to me. Given the time of year, I imagine their HS days are nearly over anyway.

A month.

I didn't think it was a joke, but I am genuinely shocked that anyone might consider this unsavory. It's only three years' difference between adults. If you end a relationship over this issue, you might come to regret it when you're a few years older and realize how little difference this makes.

As I said, I'd happily date someone who is 26, just the HS thing.

 

[JustHer]

Wait 2 months for them to finish high school.

Then they'll be in your age bracket

 

[disregard]

Consider the life experience to be had.

You have to live to grow. True, you can grow without dating her, but you might learn a lot about life and about yourself.

The question is whether or not you really want to be in a relationship with her.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

I've read nothing but part of the OP, but here's the rule:

Divide by 2, plus 7.

Once you're old enough to bone, this golden rule works pretty much all the time.

14? 14.

18? 16.

22? 18.

30? 22.

40? 27.

See, it works.

It's God's math.

That rule is a total bullshit. I think that the gap had not to be considered as an important criteria in relationships.

lol America

I went for a 16yr old when I was 18, same diff

I'm also almost 21 now and wouldn't hesitate a moment on an 18 yr old if I actually liked them

Maturity is relative... a lot of older people are jaded

Yes, that fixation about the age is typically american... Damn, man, YOU ARE JUST 3 YEARS OLDER THAN HER! You could even hit on 15-16 years old girl if it were your pleasure to do. Maybe you would need to see if she's 18 or not, but even if she is not...age of consent is a pure relative and abstract rule. It is high in anglo-saxons countries, between 16-19 (seen on wikipedia) but in european and latin coutries, it's different. It 15 in France, 13 is Spain, 14 in Portugal, 14 in Brasil, 12 in Mexico, 13 in Argentina, 14 in Germany, it's also 13 in Iran, 13 in Senegal, 15 in Laos and Cambodia 14 in China...Seriously your doubts and unhealthy reflexions are laughable! To sodomise an 18 years-old girl is not a crime, same for a 17 years old girl. And if a girl is not mature...seriously, to be mature is her buisness, and she can't mature in relationships if she have not relationships.:rolli:

The age is BTW not important in maturity especially if you fear "to smash her heart in thousands little pieces": sensitivity is a vital part of what make some girls as they are, and if they are too much sensitive at 15, they will be too much sensitive at 45, maturity has nothing to do with it. The most laughable in your post is that you think about the break up of the relationship even before you have actually begin it... If you don't know how to break up a date, there's tons of methods with proven efficiency to do that: to say it bluntly by a phone call, to send her an e-mail with fun smileys to make her laugh and play dow the situation... Theses kind of shit.

 

[Bamboo]

18 and 21 don't sound so bad on paper. Especially when you are in your golden years looking back on your youth. 30 and 18 or even 30 and 21 sound worse.

But I remember when I was back in college and thought it was strange that people in college were dating high schoolers. It just seemed like a very significant demarcation college/highschool. There was a 22 year old woman I worked with and she was so depressed after breaking up with her pot dealing high school senior boyfriend that she cut off her hair (she was ENTP). I remember thinking "man, what a loser". Perhaps judgemental, but true. I didn't like her to being with so that probably had something to do with it.

But, the older you get the less of a difference those 3 years seem to make.

Yeah, the demarcation thing is what I was getting at. But it's relative.

Go for it. Make sure they're 18 like was previous mentioned. Just be ready for one of them to fall in love with you. 18 year old girls going straight to college are unpredictable and likely to change over time. Feed them enough, water every day, and you should be okay.

Are you even looking for something long term? Be sure you're clear about intentions with them from the get go if you want to prevent future HUGE issues.

And if you want to prevent issues like you used to have about sexual relations, then I would recommend making sure that's not all they're after. You're not a peace of meat!

R
O
E

See, I'm trying to make some?

Looking for long term? Mmm maybe. I already have my stock speech about commitments on the ready if/when it becomes time. I doubt I want to do the whole long-distance deal when they go off in the fall. And honestly, the freshman girls I knew certainly didn't like having out-of-state boyfriends when they showed up at university.

I'll let them know this before hand, as necessary.

*end typical anti-entanglement ISTP broadcast*

I've read nothing but part of the OP, but here's the rule:

Divide by 2, plus 7.

Once you're old enough to bone, this golden rule works pretty much all the time.

14? 14.

18? 16.

22? 18.

30? 22.

40? 27.

See, it works.

It's God's math.

Neat!

(but credit to forever jung for posting it first)

 

[Bamboo]

The most laughable in your post is that you think about the break up of the relationship even before you have actually begin it... If you don't know how to break up a date, there's tons of methods with proven efficiency to do that: to say it bluntly by a phone call, to send her an e-mail with fun smileys to make her laugh and play dow the situation... Theses kind of shit.

Lol dude chill out if I have reservations I'll just let her know and GTFO.

 

[Bamboo]

...

Yes, that fixation about the age is typically american... Damn, man, YOU ARE JUST 3 YEARS OLDER THAN HER! You could even hit on 15-16 years old girl if it were your pleasure to do. Maybe you would need to see if she's 18 or not, but even if she is not...age of consent is a pure relative and abstract rule. It is high in anglo-saxons countries, between 16-19 (seen on wikipedia) but in european and latin coutries, it's different. It 15 in France, 13 is Spain, 14 in Portugal, ... Seriously your doubts and unhealthy reflexions are laughable! To sodomise an 18 years-old girl is not a crime, same for a 17 years old girl. And if a girl is not mature...seriously, to be mature is her buisness, and she can't mature in relationships if she have not relationships.:rolli:

Maybe you're right, it's a cultural thing.

Still, I stay away from 15 year olds.


PS. Sodomy isn't illegal here.

Just in a few states...

 

[Speed Gavroche]

if I have reservations I'll just let her know and GTFO.

I expect that yes. I was begining to doubt about your ISTPness.

Maybe you're right, it's a cultural thing.

Yes, my opinion is that it's a cultural thing and you should make abstraction of it it and are wrong to think too much about this.

 

[Litvyak]

Eh? Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous?
At this age, plus-minus five years is totally acceptable, it doesn't even deserve mentioning.

 

[Dahlila]

I have some reservations about this one: I'm 21, taking time off from college. I've met an 18 year old girl...who is still in high school (senior). About to graduate.

This one is a gray zone for me. In high school I always was involved with girls at least a year older than me, except for once (my age). As it is now, it seems I'm generally attracted to girls who are in the 21-25 age bracket. But, it appears that random fate has put this 18 year old sweetheart (actually, two of them...) in the picture. Along with 3 other girls (unrelated to the others, varying ages...20-23) that popped out of nowhere in the last 5 days. Thanks, luck!

Anyway, I feel almost predatory having an interest in these two girls. If they were a year younger - out of the question. If I was 22...probably out of the question. But it's right on the line. I asked an older (40s) guy I trust about what he thought about it and he said the same thing - it's on the line.

Cons:
- when I was 18 my head was full of garbage. slightly less so now .
- i might be pursued simply because i have the older guy mystique.
- i might smash one of these girls young hearts into a thousand little pieces.
- i might have to deal with psycho parents

Pros:
- everybody matures differently
- girls mature faster than guys
- it's not illegal
- i don't think it's all that uncommon (these last two are pretty weak)
- i might actually like them, who cares what age they are

One girl has a wild-child personality and has dated guys my age (or so) before. But overall very sweet.

The other is the type who wants to reinvent herself in college. Not a party girl, or at least doesn't seem like one. Outgoing though.

Both initiated with me. Both have merits.

Any thoughts? Should I stray away? How is this perceived in general?

I haven't read the rest of the thread so forgive me if i'm repeating what you've been hearing for 6 pages. I am an 18 year old INFP dating a 21 year old ISTP. Actual age should be the least of your worries. If i were you i would treat the girls like you would older women in your decision to pursue them.

Edit: And add in more...hold them to the same standards you would anyone else.

 

[Shimmy]

21/2+7 = 17,5. Go for it.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

21/2+7 = 18,5. Go for it.

17,5. And that rule is stupid. There's no rules actually.

Eh? Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous?
At this age, plus-minus five years is totally acceptable, it doesn't even deserve mentioning.

True.

 

[Thalassa]

That rule is a total bullshit. I think that the gap had not to be considered as an important criteria in relationships.



Yes, that fixation about the age is typically american... Damn, man, YOU ARE JUST 3 YEARS OLDER THAN HER! You could even hit on 15-16 years old girl if it were your pleasure to do. Maybe you would need to see if she's 18 or not, but even if she is not...age of consent is a pure relative and abstract rule. It is high in anglo-saxons countries, between 16-19 (seen on wikipedia) but in european and latin coutries, it's different. It 15 in France, 13 is Spain, 14 in Portugal, 14 in Brasil, 12 in Mexico, 13 in Argentina, 14 in Germany, it's also 13 in Iran, 13 in Senegal, 15 in Laos and Cambodia 14 in China...Seriously your doubts and unhealthy reflexions are laughable! To sodomise an 18 years-old girl is not a crime, same for a 17 years old girl. And if a girl is not mature...seriously, to be mature is her buisness, and she can't mature in relationships if she have not relationships.:rolli:

The age is BTW not important in maturity especially if you fear "to smash her heart in thousands little pieces": sensitivity is a vital part of what make some girls as they are, and if they are too much sensitive at 15, they will be too much sensitive at 45, maturity has nothing to do with it. The most laughable in your post is that you think about the break up of the relationship even before you have actually begin it... If you don't know how to break up a date, there's tons of methods with proven efficiency to do that: to say it bluntly by a phone call, to send her an e-mail with fun smileys to make her laugh and play dow the situation... Theses kind of shit.

I'm going to have to strongly disagree about the 15 year old. I've taken human development - the adolescent brain is actually physically different than the adult brain, despite intelligence. Even a genius 15 year old is emotionally different from an adult in their twenties. I also notice that a lot of the countries you list in defense of your lame argument are third world countries where women don't have the same rights as men.

 

[Lady_X]

but hey...they're single!! that's good for you! um...sorry...wasn't being rude about it.

i don't see a problem with the age difference unless it interferes with how you two are compatible.

 

[Nonsensical]

Yo, don't be too cocky about it. It happened to me once, ( the older guy mystique) and I thought everything was golden until she dumped me out of nowhere. it was terrible. don't EVER get too cocky or you're setting yourself up for something real nasty.

 

[Willfrey]

My friend and his girlfriend just celebreated their 4th anniversary together. When they met he was 22 and she was 17(!) At any rate, she turned 18 shortly thereafter and everybody got over the 'thats kinda weird' feeling and it was all good.

 

[Oeufa]

Yeah I really don't see the issue here OP - the age difference is nothing. I'm 18 and would have no qualms seeing a 21 year old.