OrangeAppled
Sugar Hiccup
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2009
- Messages
- 7,626
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
True.
But I have sometimes seen them act and speak in ways that showed how only their own feelings applied and they were blind to others' feelings or wishes. I have never seen NFPs doing this. My ENFP friend had noticed the same thing, and she was annoyed about it.
Here's an example and I've had similar stories happening to me and close relations many times. My family was supposed to go apple-picking with my ISFP niece last fall. She had manifested the wish to come with us when we'd talked about it, and we waited to go on a day she would be free. On the apple-picking day, we waited for her and she never came to join us. So we ended up going without her. She didn't call to explain or anything. Afterwards, we found out she had decided to spend the afternoon with friends. In my opinion, this flakiness is Fi-related. The SFP doesn't feel like going anymore, has changed his mind or has found something more interesting to do at the moment. He goes for it, and doesn't consider how disrespectful this can be for the people who were waiting and had done what they could to accomodate him.
On another note: my pastor's wife is ESFP and she has often said to me she isn't a compassionate person. She can't stand whiny people. SFPs think it is useless to wallow in sad feelings, and you must move on.
I see that more true of ESFPs who are very strong in their dominant function. Unfortunately, these same people often do not learn much. They move on, but the failure to reflect on meaning/importance (something the Fi function focuses on) means they repeat many of the same mistakes over & over.
That said, I don't think Fi is inherently selfish, it simply has no context outside of oneself, as it is an introvett judging function, and the perceiving function must serve to show the Fi-dom as to how to convey their ideals in the external realm. Many Fi-doms have a blind spot as to what is appropriate in some situations because of this, but generally, the basic Fi value system covers a lot if people can forgive minor protocol blunders. The values are formed internally, but what is the basis for them? Are the decided arbitrarily? Entirely by experience? No. Fi is the function most connected to the unconscious mind, and it's something like being very connected to some inborn conscience, the unspoken moral laws that seem to bind across culture & time.
I really don't know any ISFPs as rude as that, basically. It doesn't take a lot of experience or imagination to know it is inconsiderate towards other people to not call if you can't make it....
That's very interesting. MY ENFP friend also shared with me how she felt that her SJ relatives' Fe was phony and unconsiderate.
In my case, my whole family uses Fi. My mother is ESTJ, my late father was INFP, my sister is ENFP and my big brother ISTJ. I sometimes felt hurt at how everything was filtered through their own feelings and wishes (this applies to the STJs, the NFPs didn't make me feel that way), and very rare attempts were made at trying to understand me or what I needed or wished. My needs and wishes were different from theirs, but they didn't seem to care. And being INFJ, communicating those needs was difficult, and when I tried and objected, my mother punished me for being rebellious.
When this happened, I felt so bad because it made me feel selfish for wanting to have my perspective considered as well.
I didn't necessarily see my SFJ mom & grandma as phony, and of course I did not know what Fe was at the time, but it was the general way people all seemed to feel the same way that struck me as disingenuous. I actually have 2 SFPs in my immediate family, but my ESFP sister just seemed Se to me (and out of touch with her Fi), and my ISFP step-dad is not the most emotionally balanced person. I found my feeling of individuality nurtured more than my potential for diplomacy, basically.
I think the thing with people who use Fi is they have little need for consensus, and that can throw a Fe person (as it may seem to them there is no interest in their feelings at all). I can see a sense of alienation forming for a Fe or Fi user if not provided good "role models".