Salomé
meh
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2008
- Messages
- 10,527
- MBTI Type
- INTP
- Enneagram
- 5w4
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Yes.Further proof that I'm not a type 9, if any were needed
I think my response in such a scenario would have been something along the lines of: "What I believe in really isn't anything to do with you, so why don't you give it a rest and mind your own business instead of mine?"
I don't see why you'd be so worried about hurting someone who's behaving in a passive-aggressive manner and trying to manipulate, or how this would be (as Morgan seems to be saying) in any way "liberating". All it's likely to achieve, it seems to me, is keeping them on your back by using the same tactics because they're achieving their purpose, whereas what you actually want is them off your back with the obnoxious controlling behaviour. If you don't express yourself assertively and show you mean business in that kind of situation, their expectations will remain unchallenged, and you don't give yourself much option for dealing with the situation except being passive-aggressively avoidant yourself (ie by making up excuses for not going, disappearing at the vital moment, or "forgetting" about it). To me backing yourself into a corner where you can't express yourself directly isn't in any way liberating, it seems more confining. Just my take on it though
Nines seem to have a lot of trouble with boundaries. Most people intuitively understand what their rights and responsibilities are, they understand which boundaries are healthy and appropriate and which are damaging. I can't really apprehend how nines perceive the world with this desire to "merge" and be one with everything and to have peace at any price. That seems like regression to a 5.
In the example cited, (which I happen to have personal experience with) I have no problem asserting my beliefs (or lack thereof) and recognizing that if my parent has a problem with the fact that I don't share her beliefs then that's too bad. I am an adult, exercising appropriate boundaries and she is not. If however, I were to ridicule or excessively criticize her faith then that would be an example of a reversal of those roles.
Not having this implicit understanding of appropriate boundaries does explain why a 9 might swing from "everything is my fault" to "nothing is my fault". The truth is always somewhere in the middle of that swing.