justwannabeMe
New member
- Joined
- May 1, 2013
- Messages
- 88
- MBTI Type
- iNfj
- Enneagram
- 9w8
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
I have a friend who is a 9w1. probably sx/sp. I think she is an ISFP. She seems to have on/off issues with anxiety. Also, problems with being able to make/keep eye contact; likely due to the angst perhaps.
I'm sure the anxiety is not soley caused by any one thing. Her dad had a bad temper when she was a kid, she says she would try to appease/help him as a child to curb his anger. It probably has a basis is social/interpersonal learned beliefs, etc., insecurities and whatnot. Its likely related to a physical aspect, too, I suspect.
She is a young mother, too. and she definitely has her hands full! no easy feat.
She confided in me that she has this "irrational fear" of letting people down. If everyone in her environment is not happy/well it causes her great amounts of tension/stress/anxiety, and she feels responsible to fix it, or like it is her fault. If the baby can't be soothed, or the kids are complaining they're bored ... if there is conflict between people (even due to minor life infractions that she can't control, or change, but is still involved in) it causes her a lot of fear/stress on her.
She seems well aware of herself, which is a plus. And she tries positive self-talk; reminding herself that 'its not her fault or responsiblity, and all will be okay', etc.
Question is: Does anyone have any worthwhile advice? Please don't bother posting regurgitated, black&white information. I'm looking for real-life solutions that you have found of benefit in your own development/peace.
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• Type 9 ~
"[type 9] Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them..."
"When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), complacent Nines suddenly become anxious and worried at Six..."
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• I get emails from enneagraminstitute with type 9 reminders. these are a few ones I already have ~
Learn the value of the word no. When you are presented with a proposition that you are uncomfortable with, it is better to make your misgivings known at the outset rather than silently acquiescing and regretting it later.
(The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 335)
It is best to get things out in the open, at least by allowing yourself to become aware of your real feelings. (Understanding the Enneagram, 350)
The Wake-Up Call for the Nine is going along with others when you really don't want to. Watch for this tendency today. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 322)
"As a Nine, you most need to learn from the healthy Levels of Six to learn to rely on yourself and to grow in adversity. This finally dissolves your typical disengagement and avoidance of any form of conflict."
“Remember it’s not finding peace that produces change but self-knowledge and awareness. Don’t try to change your reactions today. It’s enough to see them more clearly.â€
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• ISFP stuffs ~
your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them
strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right ... will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in. (caretaking? service. motherhood.)
ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.
ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please.
Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world...selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously...
I'm sure the anxiety is not soley caused by any one thing. Her dad had a bad temper when she was a kid, she says she would try to appease/help him as a child to curb his anger. It probably has a basis is social/interpersonal learned beliefs, etc., insecurities and whatnot. Its likely related to a physical aspect, too, I suspect.
She is a young mother, too. and she definitely has her hands full! no easy feat.
She confided in me that she has this "irrational fear" of letting people down. If everyone in her environment is not happy/well it causes her great amounts of tension/stress/anxiety, and she feels responsible to fix it, or like it is her fault. If the baby can't be soothed, or the kids are complaining they're bored ... if there is conflict between people (even due to minor life infractions that she can't control, or change, but is still involved in) it causes her a lot of fear/stress on her.
She seems well aware of herself, which is a plus. And she tries positive self-talk; reminding herself that 'its not her fault or responsiblity, and all will be okay', etc.
Question is: Does anyone have any worthwhile advice? Please don't bother posting regurgitated, black&white information. I'm looking for real-life solutions that you have found of benefit in your own development/peace.
--------------------------------------------------------
• Type 9 ~
"[type 9] Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them..."
"When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), complacent Nines suddenly become anxious and worried at Six..."
--------------------------------------------------------
• I get emails from enneagraminstitute with type 9 reminders. these are a few ones I already have ~
Learn the value of the word no. When you are presented with a proposition that you are uncomfortable with, it is better to make your misgivings known at the outset rather than silently acquiescing and regretting it later.
(The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 335)
It is best to get things out in the open, at least by allowing yourself to become aware of your real feelings. (Understanding the Enneagram, 350)
The Wake-Up Call for the Nine is going along with others when you really don't want to. Watch for this tendency today. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 322)
"As a Nine, you most need to learn from the healthy Levels of Six to learn to rely on yourself and to grow in adversity. This finally dissolves your typical disengagement and avoidance of any form of conflict."
“Remember it’s not finding peace that produces change but self-knowledge and awareness. Don’t try to change your reactions today. It’s enough to see them more clearly.â€
---------------------------------------------------------
• ISFP stuffs ~
your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them
strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right ... will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in. (caretaking? service. motherhood.)
ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.
ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please.
Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world...selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously...