lol, I will do my best for you guys to honor your wish!
*la la land music....*
I haven't had many opportunities to feel so close to someone that we become one, but just over a year ago, such an opportunity arrived. It did not just arrive, it ripped my heart right out of my chest and I will never forget both the pain and the ecstatic joy I felt. She would always invite me to have breakfast lunch and dinner with her, and every time... no matter what I was doing, I would say yes, as if my life depended on it. Being with her was like no other experience I have ever had (and I am not joking).
So things would go smoothly, yet bumpy at the same time. I would say things and it looked like I was upsetting her. I wanted to get to the heart of the matter immediately, but I felt deflected each time. Once (or twice or thrice...) she would do things that would make me feel a bit unheard ...and it would send me to into a state of despair where that would be all I could think about...
I would try to talk about it, but was deflected. And it left me feeling like a fool... like a crazy person. So I tried to bury my feelings with that- that I am just a crazy over-emotional/sensitive person.
But finally and recently, those feelings have come back to haunt me. The same friend I have been talking about has had issues with another, and this other friend has had the same feelings I have felt. So much so that I cannot ignore it. She feels unheard and misunderstood, just like I have. Because I can relate to the feeling so well, I am unable to be unbiased and when I talk to her, the one who has provided me with so much joy in such a short time, yet I can never feel like myself around...
So when that same friend decides to complain about the issue at hand, I feel so strongly for the girl who feels unheard... that I can not properly see where she is coming from. I become blindsided by my own hurt that I ignore the hurt of another, the one I care about more than myself.
We have not officially fallen out (there has been official speaking of how she feels and how I feel), but I am sure my best friend feels betrayed by me. She can no longer depend on me to always see where she is coming from.
I feel as if I have crushed her soul.... and now I have crushed mine.
The end.