How concerned are you with competency?
Concerned enough to be irritated at my lack of it. Which then again frustrates me to no end as it isnt something I want to actively think about,as there are more important things to concern myself with consciously. Still, it can worry me to the point of paralysing me in fear. If someone knows how to turn this damned thing off in my brain, plz lemme know.
Does it give you a sense of identity or purpose to be good at something?
I guess so. More that it removes a head ache. It's...kind of expected to be competent. More than that. If I put my time and effort into something, I want it to become special, I want it to be quality, and I want it to be worthy of other peoples attention first before putting it out in the world. In a way, Im my own worst critic, as it means that I feel a lot of shame for substandard stuff. In another way, it also means I can be extremely lazy as I refuse to get off my ass to do just *anything*. It needs to be worth my time.
As [MENTION=5871]Southern Kross[/MENTION] said, however, my skills arent exactly economically viable or marketable so they have their own intrinsic value to me in that way. And that too is sometimes a source of frustration to me, as I was raised to take care of myself and succeed by my parents. Tbh, I'm still fighting them as well as myself in sorting out *what* I should give priority to.
Do you want others to know what you're good at, or do you do it just for yours
Recognition is part of it, I suppose. It depends, really. If it is something I do to please others, then yes, I'd like others to at least notice it, as the pleasure I derive from doing this comes from them. But that is also because the effect Im seeking to achieve is to see them enjoy what I did. Otherwise, I failed, really. Other things are intrinsically motivated, though a lot of what I do is geared towards helping,entertaining or cheering up others.
Would an accomplishment feel less authentic or genuine if you showed it off?
In a way, yes. If it isn't obviously affecting others,then I failed, so bragging is not exactly the way to go. Drawing attention one time to it with a hint is as far as I'm usually comfortable going with it. I sometimes will point out what Ive tried to do (which I guess can read as bragging) when I feel I've failed in order to gather information as to why I failed, so I can improve next time.
If the result was meant to be subtle, I'm quite content to just have it be oblivious while it still serves its intended purpose. As for bragging, I might list it amidst my successes if the topic comes up in other conversations later on.
Either one of these cases won't stop me from feeling like a fraud however if something I've done or created does NOT live up to my own internal standard yet others seem to oohh and ahh over it, either just to soothe my ego, or in a way, worse, coz they genuinly don't see the flaws (yet).
Is perfection and correctness important to you?
Correctness as in politeness, no. However, I do hold a certain image of what Im trying to achieve in my head that feels 'true'. And, unfortunately, reality has taught me that it is rarely possible to achieve said image in the real world. So that can be utterly frustrating. I'm still in the process of learning to not cling so hard to what I've envisioned and to allow for a bit of creative processing to happen in reality to reshape it and redefine the end result with the means available in the real world, to achieve a new sort of perfection. It still requires me to grieve the loss of the original vision atm though. And it can sap me of my will to proceed, for fear of destroying the ideal forever in my mind.
Is this part of your definition of authenticity?
I'd say so, yes
Yes. My first post tends to be a draft. A rambling of my thoughts. This is especially true in more complex posts, where I'm consolidating a ton of data from both the thread itself and what I want to say. To merge those two together can be tricky. Often, when I reread my post, I'll have additional epiphanies, or things will click and seem clearer, so i'll go over my post to polish it. Additionally, Ti-users on here can be really nitpicky and take your post apart and lose...focus as to what you were trying to converse in the pursuit of their truth, so I've learned to at least *try* and cover my ass on what trips up their Ti
...especially when it comes to a post that is rather complex, in a thread that I find fascinating and want to see continue in order to learn from it.