lovefool21
New member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2018
- Messages
- 29
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
Hi all,
I am terrified at how my INFJ girlfriend of over 3 years just dumped me. The dreaded door slam - she moved her stuff out subtly before work (she kept a few bits at my place) and then in a tearful but VERY brief phone call, ended it and seems to have cut me off. Only info given is that she felt unloved and uncared for, and had for some time.
She doesn't much set boundaries/talk about problems. I fear she was internalising much of the pain really, so complaints/warnings signs were there, but not often. She is also compared to many girls of her age (early 30s) incredibly emotionally sensitive, even by INFJ standards, and very sheltered so this made it all harder. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend but I was no love rat, critical, abusive, etc. - the main issue was not making enough time for her; & not being emotionally expressive and warm back most of the time, by her standards. Also lack of marriage, frequent holidays & getting a place together I suspect was an issue (though I did ask her to move into my place - frustratingly due to work I can't get back home every night).
I won't lie, she did say last year she was unhappy and had been, but nowhere near enough to justify what just happened - things weren't particularly rocky between us right now I felt and we even had some warm jokey text exchanges this week (although we got little time in-person together in the week).
In hindsight there were other warning signs recently (her subtly seeing less of my family particularly plus going back to hers more often).
She obviously left because she thinks the relationship is a dead-end and will only hurt her more. What should I do all? I absolutely love her to bits and I think she actually knows that despite everything.
I am terrified at how my INFJ girlfriend of over 3 years just dumped me. The dreaded door slam - she moved her stuff out subtly before work (she kept a few bits at my place) and then in a tearful but VERY brief phone call, ended it and seems to have cut me off. Only info given is that she felt unloved and uncared for, and had for some time.
She doesn't much set boundaries/talk about problems. I fear she was internalising much of the pain really, so complaints/warnings signs were there, but not often. She is also compared to many girls of her age (early 30s) incredibly emotionally sensitive, even by INFJ standards, and very sheltered so this made it all harder. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend but I was no love rat, critical, abusive, etc. - the main issue was not making enough time for her; & not being emotionally expressive and warm back most of the time, by her standards. Also lack of marriage, frequent holidays & getting a place together I suspect was an issue (though I did ask her to move into my place - frustratingly due to work I can't get back home every night).
I won't lie, she did say last year she was unhappy and had been, but nowhere near enough to justify what just happened - things weren't particularly rocky between us right now I felt and we even had some warm jokey text exchanges this week (although we got little time in-person together in the week).
In hindsight there were other warning signs recently (her subtly seeing less of my family particularly plus going back to hers more often).
She obviously left because she thinks the relationship is a dead-end and will only hurt her more. What should I do all? I absolutely love her to bits and I think she actually knows that despite everything.