You make a good point. If it is something I feel strongly about, I feel like I have to set things straight.
Yeah that's different - when it's something you feel strongly about, that you feel you KNOW, then winning can be important, but not for the puerile reason of just wanting to score points - but because you really care about this issue.
If it's something that I as yet have no real strong view on - which is an awful lot - and I'm just giving out my latest hypothesis to test it out, so to speak, which is what I'm doing far more often, then I couldn't give a shit about winning. I want to learn, to find the flaws in what I know already or put it into the right perspective.
That Jen/Peguy exchange was brilliant. I do the same thing. If the "other side" does something clever, I applaud it and show appreciation. It's the INFJ way. The ENTP way would be to escalate and try to outdo them.
That was classic.
If I say something "clever", the last thing I'm looking for is appreciation. I'm looking to see if I'm right. I think that's the fundamental P/J miscommunication... the J thinks what I say is what I think, period. Whilst in fact, it's more like what I'm think
ing, and it's open to change each moment in light of new evidence, which is what I'm looking for in throwing it out to the floor.
If someone says something clever, my response of cross-questioning them is not about one-upping at all. It's quite the opposite - it shows I've actually been impressed by what they said and am considering taking it very much on board, but I first need to check it for consistency and how it fits into other things.