story on gift giving officials in China
That's an interesting anecdote and I think what it alludes to in business would fall under the 'high context' society where you have to set up a level of camraderie or socializing as a prerequisite to doing business. Actually just needing to bring in one gift is not really a marker of such a business atmosphere but the real deal involves a lot of stuff considered extraneous by American standards. But even in American business there is a lot of schmoozing, networking, under the table and backroom deals and unspoken rules and hierarchies.
But if you change the situation to a housewarming or just a regular dinner at a friends, it's expected to bring a gift to the former and good form if you bring something to the latter. Doesn't have to be expensive, but typically wine or a 'hostess', meal, or house related (context specific) gift. And while you're there, to be a reasonably well-behaved guest.
I don't think there's anything wrong with these things per sae. Society is made up of a bunch of strangers and symbolic acts show an acknowledgment and awareness of people, their efforts, and the dynamics of a situation as well as goodwill. Maybe it's hardwired into us from caveman days where you had to show a bit of sacrifice to prove you weren't dangerous and willing to work in a group to survive.
While I understand the need for balance and healthy skepticism towards customs (even if in a pointless
Seinfeld way), not following or rather not understanding customs and local mores means you will not integrate as well into (that) society.
As for the pointlessly gladhanding of 'woe is me' posts -- sometimes people just want empathy not solutions. This is so funny because it reminds me of 'Men are from Jupiter, Women are from Mercury' or whatever it's called that talked about different communication styles. And empathy is not just in the warm fuzzy NF sense either.
I see a lot of cynical or type bashing posts and the poster obviously wants validation and other people to say, "Yeah you're right, type XXXX really does suck! I hate them too! We're perfect and they're messed up" The more type bashing threads I've read are generally by NTs bashing sensors, NFs, or SFs but it's the same concept at play of looking for empathy/validation and more-over ingroup/outgroup distinctions.
I just think it's funny how it's the overly warm-fuzzy posts that consistently get the most vocal criticism as dangerous for forum life. I think that points to an NT bias in the forum and also the view that warm-fuzzies are fake and therefore sinister -- whereas the nature of bashing posts are open in their hostility or irreverence (not to mention more natural for an NT than a warm fuzzy one) and destructive nature. Though I also argue that a lot of bashing posts are actually not that open and are usually thinly veiled.
And at least some of the views on forum life depend a lot on your views of RL dynamics and convention and how well you adhere to or criticize them. Whether forum life should follow RL or if online communities are meant to 'transcend' it.