thegrayvapour
New member
- Joined
- May 3, 2012
- Messages
- 25
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 5w4
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
In Covenant, I believe only adultery and child abuse are grounds for divorce. So abusive, noncommunicative, or a fluid partner aren't really seen as legitimate reasons for divorce in a Covenant sanctioned union. I like it because I like taking the focus off dating and doing more courting, which leads to the inevitable marriage, if the courting relationship continues. Anyway, your desire to be friends seems more like courting and less like dating, which also seems more like Covenant and less like modern marriage.
I can understand why those would give reason to leave a marriage. I'd like to think that forgiveness and most likely mediation would be enough to get through terrible things like that. I've seen marriages survive unfaithfulness and it's inspiring. I've also seen marriages survive sexual abuse of children, which is horrifying. Just imagine if the trust was restored and there was forgiveness after that, what sorts of other unbelievable things are possible in this world.
The way that I approach romantic relationships does look more like courtship from my side. I'm just more quiet about it. It would definitely be more accepted in a church setting, for sure. I have views about money and love that meet resistance from the church in America (read: what women in those subcultures except).
Modern marriage lost it's sanctity long ago, about the same time we accepted consumerism as a way of life.
AphroditeGoneAwry said:I think it's about consciousness. Consciousness that you as a couple are more committed to the ups and downs of lifelong relationship, and that you look to God (and Jesus) to guide you through and to worship. Someone else mentioned breaking down of individual partners' egos and a regrowth of a couple-ego, which I loved. I think that really is what happens when you meet your soulmate or fall deeply in love with someone, or desire to remake your life from single to double. We are always trying to assert our independence in relationship to the point that we call any desire to be One--or to meld with our mate; or change our behaviors, desires, or goals--as 'codependent,' and any therapist you go to will try to push this point home. But what I believe it that a serious, committed relationship does change you, and that being codependent, within reason, is a very good thing, and the kind of relationship I desire.
I agree. I think communication and mutual experience is what creates and builds that consciousness. I too, really like the idea of breaking down individual ego and growing a couple-ego. That takes time and I've got some left (checks screenplay)
Wendell Berry has written some insightful words about relationships, community and God.
It doesn't take a certain kind, or level of relationship to change me. I'm in my late 20s and I have a pretty good handle on what I need to maintain a healthy amount of individuality and what is reasonable to budge on or freely give in my friendships, work relationships, etc. I tend to err on the side of giving too much. I'm still learning about pacing and boundaries.
AphroditeGoneAwry said:But how many seats do you need?
I only need one. If you're all on one plane, traveling at one speed to the same place, why not pay the same price and get treated equally?