What is "the friend zone"?
I'll assume you're kidding. It's probably a lot easier to keep out of this sort of situation when the two people don't share an extraverted intuition funtion and fear of rejection. Two people reading between the lines and not talking about it? Bah!
A similar thing happened to me...
...I acted as if nothing had happened, and she seemed kind of surprised at first, but then quickly took the cue (which I think ENFJ's are good with) by acting very pleasantly, which seemed almost like an indirect: "THANK YOU, I soooo didn't want this to get weird and force me to get all awkward and conflicty". There was this brief moment where this understanding/sympathetic smile crossed her face, and I think we both knew what was happening and we were both cool with it. We are still good friends to this day, and there is no trace of weirdness left (that I've noticed) going forward.
I don't know if that will happen for you, but I hope my experience helps. I chose to play to the ENFJ's strengths and keep things smooth. And I got over it after a while.
Thank you for sharing that. It's good to hear a story with a selfless and positive outcome.
I don't want it to be all "awkward and conflicty" either. It's a great friendship, and I'm just wishing I could turn off the chemical processes in my brain that are making it more difficult to be a good friend. I also want to avoid making her feel rejected as a friend, which will happen if I suddenly start being distant without explanation. Sure, she might understand intuitively, but it has the potential of being more damaging if I don't articulate. Besides, it's good for me to talk about these kinds of things. It'll help me get over it and avoid misunderstanding.
I really fucking hate the term "friend zone" it's the term "nice guys" use when they're pissed off that sexual/romantic advances don't go their way, like that being nice justifies a reward at the end. (just my personal view)
Why are you so surprised that you are in the "friend zone" when you have been nothing but a friend for the durtion of the relatonship? Do you think she owes it to you to go out with you because you've been nice to her and you guys have been hanging out?
I know, that term has a bit of baggage, huh? I'll refrain from using it, except for in jest.
I hate to think that I might be one of those "nice guys". I'm not sure if I am. Maybe questioning it disqualifies me. I have to take comfort in the fact that my actions and words are intentionally not manipulative - why would I want to pursue a relationship with someone who is easily duped?
It's more innocent than that. We are good friends. I developed feelings for her. I'm aware that these feelings compromise my ability to treat her in a way consistant with being a good friend, to the point that I'm willing to stifle my romantic/sexual advances. This is pretty easy for me, as sex is one of the last things I'm looking for. It's still on the list, but I need to develop emotional intimacy with someone before I even start thinking about it. Which makes me a prime candidate for being in a relationship that begins as platonic and then I develop "other" feelings. (Joseph Heller?) When those romantic feelings are not mutual... ...friend zone. I'm not bitter about it at all, but can't say I'm not familiar.
So, no. I don't think she owes me. That would be petty and crude. I owe her.
I really doubt platonic friends turn romantic very often. There needs to be some obvious chemistry from the beginning IMO.
I wholeheartedly agree. It must not happen very often. Some people say they married their best friend. Either they are (very sweet) liars, developed a strong friendship with their sex partner, or it really is possible.
I don't need it to happen often. Just once would be enough for me as I do not practice polygamy. I'll probably never give up on this approach to relationships. It seems to be a pretty good way to ensure that I have foundational things in common with someone who may/may not be attracted to me; as opposed to developing a romantic/sexual relationship with someone I might/might not like to spend my day to day life with. Emotional intimacy is higher on my list of priorities, and developing it looks more like friendship than fucking in my INFP world.
Sometimes, when people find a lost object, they say, "I found it in the last place I looked!" Of course they did. It would be insane to keep looking after you found it. Yogi Berra said, "I knew the record would stand until it was broken."
This, for better or worse, describes my views. It won't happen until it does.