SilkRoad
Lay the coin on my tongue
- Joined
- May 26, 2009
- Messages
- 3,932
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
Some of you may recall me posting a few threads about a girl (she's almost 20) who I befriended/mentored for about a year and a half. She seemed like she needed a friend, but I stupidly walked into a situation that was way over my head. She has pretty serious issues including an extremely unhealthy attachment style, traits which at least resemble borderline personality disorder, probably some kind of bipolar depression, etc. She's from a very dysfunctional family who don't particularly want to see she has problems and who are happy to palm her weird behaviour off on whoever seems like a soft touch (and it's not like I ever got anything resembling thanks from them.)
After putting up far too much with a lot of bizarre and disturbing behaviour, and repeated/constant boundary violations, a couple of months ago I told her rather brutally that the friendship was over. Nothing but being fairly brutal about it would work - I'd tried niceness and reasoning and courtesy to the point of going nuts, in the past. I blocked her on FB so she couldn't see my activity, etc. (FB had caused an enormous amount of problems, which I also didn't pick up on soon enough or tolerated too much. It was a perfect vehicle for her to imitate/stalk me in every detail, add a bunch of my friends - even people who I'd warned about her behaviour, unfortunately - and dump all sorts of passive aggression on me.)
We are in the same church/congregation so we still are in the same room fairly often, but that's not so much the problem. She does still try to talk to me a bit in a rather creepy/awkward way but I don't let it go beyond the smallest of small talk for very short moments, and she hasn't mostly pushed it much.
What does creep me out - and makes me feel a little sick - is that she is obviously still monitoring what I do as much as she can with what she can still see of me on the internet. Although I can't see her on FB, she is the only person I've blocked and I can tell that she's posted on a friend's FB status, or "liked" something on a friend's page, etc because it will indicate a "like" or a post, but when I try to look at it I can't see her or her name. For example, a mutual FB friend had tagged me in a post and we had an exchange. This girl had "liked" a comment on the post by the mutual friend, even though she couldn't see my own comments (and thus didn't really even know what the convo was about). I know it probably makes me sound very neurotic that I'm picking this stuff up, but when you basically have had a stalker you notice these things. It makes me feel rather sick. I think I am physically sickened by this behaviour because of the repeated boundary violations while I was trying to help her.
She also has a blog and a FB page to support it, both of which I have and which she set up very shortly after I started mine, in obvious imitation of mine (very similar titles, format, subject matter, etc. She is also unpleasantly jealous and competitive and I think really wants to get more "likes" on her page than I have...) If I look at her blog, I can see she still does things like make posts with very similar (or sometimes almost identical) titles, subject matter, etc. It is so far beyond coincidence (or even hero worship) that again, it is rather sickening.
It's not my problem any more for the most part, and she has at least been seeing a therapist (though I don't know if that's still the case). I think basically though I suffered enough damage over this unhealthy dynamic that although I've extricated myself, I feel angry and sickened when I see her "stalking" me in this way. But if I confronted her about it I suppose I'd look neurotic myself, and she obviously still craves attention from me. From the interactions I've had with her parents, they are beyond useless, and I'd rather have as little to do with them as possible.
Just curious whether anyone has comments or suggestions - even just in switching off or ignoring this kind of behaviour more than I've done so far.
After putting up far too much with a lot of bizarre and disturbing behaviour, and repeated/constant boundary violations, a couple of months ago I told her rather brutally that the friendship was over. Nothing but being fairly brutal about it would work - I'd tried niceness and reasoning and courtesy to the point of going nuts, in the past. I blocked her on FB so she couldn't see my activity, etc. (FB had caused an enormous amount of problems, which I also didn't pick up on soon enough or tolerated too much. It was a perfect vehicle for her to imitate/stalk me in every detail, add a bunch of my friends - even people who I'd warned about her behaviour, unfortunately - and dump all sorts of passive aggression on me.)
We are in the same church/congregation so we still are in the same room fairly often, but that's not so much the problem. She does still try to talk to me a bit in a rather creepy/awkward way but I don't let it go beyond the smallest of small talk for very short moments, and she hasn't mostly pushed it much.
What does creep me out - and makes me feel a little sick - is that she is obviously still monitoring what I do as much as she can with what she can still see of me on the internet. Although I can't see her on FB, she is the only person I've blocked and I can tell that she's posted on a friend's FB status, or "liked" something on a friend's page, etc because it will indicate a "like" or a post, but when I try to look at it I can't see her or her name. For example, a mutual FB friend had tagged me in a post and we had an exchange. This girl had "liked" a comment on the post by the mutual friend, even though she couldn't see my own comments (and thus didn't really even know what the convo was about). I know it probably makes me sound very neurotic that I'm picking this stuff up, but when you basically have had a stalker you notice these things. It makes me feel rather sick. I think I am physically sickened by this behaviour because of the repeated boundary violations while I was trying to help her.
She also has a blog and a FB page to support it, both of which I have and which she set up very shortly after I started mine, in obvious imitation of mine (very similar titles, format, subject matter, etc. She is also unpleasantly jealous and competitive and I think really wants to get more "likes" on her page than I have...) If I look at her blog, I can see she still does things like make posts with very similar (or sometimes almost identical) titles, subject matter, etc. It is so far beyond coincidence (or even hero worship) that again, it is rather sickening.
It's not my problem any more for the most part, and she has at least been seeing a therapist (though I don't know if that's still the case). I think basically though I suffered enough damage over this unhealthy dynamic that although I've extricated myself, I feel angry and sickened when I see her "stalking" me in this way. But if I confronted her about it I suppose I'd look neurotic myself, and she obviously still craves attention from me. From the interactions I've had with her parents, they are beyond useless, and I'd rather have as little to do with them as possible.
Just curious whether anyone has comments or suggestions - even just in switching off or ignoring this kind of behaviour more than I've done so far.