stellar renegade
PEST that STEPs on PETS
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Messages
- 1,446
- MBTI Type
- ESTP
Does anyone else have such high awareness of their surroundings, that they become extremely anxious or paranoid? What I mean by this, is that... especially when in a classroom setting, my awareness of every movement makes it hard for me to focus. And not only that, but I feel like I make others nervous. As though other people are able to pick up on the fact that I'm constantly noticing them or their movements and actions, to the point they feel uncomfortable. And that's when I start becoming extremely paranoid and move towards the verge of panic attack.
In the household setting, I'm typically incredibly in tune with my roommates movements. I know, who's home... what room they are in... awake, asleep. I keep mental tabs. I don't do it on purpose... but it's almost like it's a built in survival technique that I just can't help. Very rarely does someone arrive at the house without my knowing.
Holy shit, THIS!I'm generally aware of everything that goes on around me in a subconscious manner- to the point of knowing when someone is looking at me from across the room without turning around, or knowing what the weather is outside before I open my eyes in the morning... just little sensory clues clicking together in the back of my mind...
Except for the panic attacks. When I was younger, less developed and more socially awkward (I haven't always been "ESTP"), I would be paranoid EXACTLY LIKE THAT, for those same EXACT reasons! Weiiiird... I thought I was the only one. But now I'm waaaaay more socially in-tune with people and never become nervous in the slightest because I can easily find a way to smooth things over or break the ice. I've found that most people are in the one-down position on this and are too nervous or thinking about how they feel to be fully operational in this area.
The only thing is that I've noticed I've had to sacrifice a bit of physical dexterity for it. I'm still smoother than everyone but other SPs, but I just don't have the knack I did when I was a kid. I was all about doing things as quickly and gracefully as I could, constantly. But ultimately you have to pursue one or the other - smoothness in physical movement or social situations, as it's often too difficult to switch between the two continually.
Hell, I used to change the channels on the TV with my toes, walk on narrow ledges in strange places in the forest, learn to do several things rapidly in a row in one smooth flowing action, etc. I could learn a song after hearing it only a couple of times or so and know it for life. Now I have trouble remembering all the lyrics to old songs I used to sing constantly.
I still think I was too modest in my prior posts in this thread, though. I'm definitely more badass than I was giving myself credit for, and I've gotten even better due to my truck dispatching job where you have to quickly and effortlessly transmit extremely detailed information back and forth and every which way to Timbuktu. I suck at forms but the first time I did actual dispatching which is arguably the hardest and definitely the most fast-paced aspect, I amazed my boss who's been in the industry for more than 20 years.
I think we can all lack skill when we get depressed. And SP depression is that of boredom. When we just don't see the point anymore, no reason to really get up in the morning and take care of those little details that don't count for anything since we're stuck in a rut and nothing exciting will ever happen... then, yeah. We can probably miss out on alot.
But I've always kept mental tabs on everything, even when I was depressed and a part-time philosopher.