Dyslexxie
Dope& diamonds.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,250
I have this relative I struggle understanding and often clash quite badly with, and I'm curious if you guys could help me type her so that maybe I can understand her better and maybe fix this relationship drama.
She's a few years older than me and has always been fairly bossy to me, always trying to exert her dominance. When we were young her and her mom would always poke fun at my expense, always trying to brush it off as a joke when I would get upset and ask them to stop. Now that I'm older she's started to treat me less like 'the baby', but it typically feels quite condescending. We've hung out a couple of times and she can let go of that when we're one on one, but in a crowd she seems to need someone to pick on in a harmless way.
We're both incredibly stubborn people and we generally clash quite badly. I'm very contrarian a lot of the time and will fight for beliefs I know are absurd just to see how people respond, while she's very conventionally idealistic in her views, always wanting to have the popular opinion that gets the most support from peers. Like me, she's very argumentative and she hates being wrong. Her reaction to losing a fight will generally lead to some kind of manipulation so that she saves face and is still in the most favorable position. She definitely remembers when she feels people have wronged her and will hold it over their head years later.
We're both only children so we're both pretty selfish and self-absorbed, but she'll still try to maintain face because she does really wants people to like her and to see that she's a good person. I think popularity and being liked is really important to her. She doesn't handle competition well but needs to be admired so she'll either surround herself with people she can overshadow, or brag. Her dad is quite similar in that where they'll exaggerate stories (or even blatantly lie) to seem interesting and to get a sense of admiration out of others. She likes attention but wants it in the right way - she's not an attention whore for the sake of being that, but instead she wants to be popular in a very conventional way. Controversy is not her thing at all and it makes her uncomfortable.
She can definitely put aside her feelings about situations that bother her and will make amends quite publicly to display that she's the bigger person. She's a lot better than I am at pretending to like someone she hates - I think civil is the correct word here? I don't think it's necessarily conflict aversion because she gets into fights with people quite a bit and is bold enough to call them out quite openly.
I know in high school she was kind of a queen bee, but as she got older she began keeping her distance because most people aren't worth her time. She's dumped boyfriends because they weren't someone to brag to the world about. She is very sweet towards those closest to her however, but it always seems from a point of distance, and I'm not really sure how many people she's actually close to. Sometimes I get the feeling she's very lonely but I don't know if that's accurate or if I just feel that way because I really can't relate to her or understand her at all.
On her own she's often directionless and not really ambitious, but she does seem to prize security and status to a very high degree. She only drives a certain kind of car brand, she's pretty big into clothing labels and purse brands, and often talks about social class, possessions, etc. Her in-laws are fairly well off and she likes to emphasize that and their standing within the community. Beyond that I wouldn't say she has the same cutthroat thing that a lot of the other women in our family have and doesn't really seem to need to plant her flag into anything major. As long as she has her status thing, I don't think she's really the type A freakshows quite a few of us are.
I used to think she was really confident with herself but now I don't know if that's accurate. Maybe it's because I was younger and I was much more shy back then, but she has been able to open up a little if I make fun of myself. I'm really self-deprecating and joke at my own expense a lot, which seems to make her relax a little bit and feel more natural. Either way, she's quite controlled and manages her emotions and reaction well, behaving quite appropriately (unless provoked, at which point all hell breaks loose). She's gorgeous and she's gotten a lot of attention from guys, and as long as he lives up to her standards she'll feel flattered, otherwise she won't acknowledge it at all.
I'm pretty certain she exhibits a lot of Se but that's about as much as I get from her. I can't even really decide if she's introverted or extroverted really beyond that. Would you guys be able to help me with this? I do apologize if a lot of it sounds negative...I've tried to not let my perception cloud this, but that's where I've always seen her from so I don't think my view is the most accurate of her. Any help would be appreciated.
She's a few years older than me and has always been fairly bossy to me, always trying to exert her dominance. When we were young her and her mom would always poke fun at my expense, always trying to brush it off as a joke when I would get upset and ask them to stop. Now that I'm older she's started to treat me less like 'the baby', but it typically feels quite condescending. We've hung out a couple of times and she can let go of that when we're one on one, but in a crowd she seems to need someone to pick on in a harmless way.
We're both incredibly stubborn people and we generally clash quite badly. I'm very contrarian a lot of the time and will fight for beliefs I know are absurd just to see how people respond, while she's very conventionally idealistic in her views, always wanting to have the popular opinion that gets the most support from peers. Like me, she's very argumentative and she hates being wrong. Her reaction to losing a fight will generally lead to some kind of manipulation so that she saves face and is still in the most favorable position. She definitely remembers when she feels people have wronged her and will hold it over their head years later.
We're both only children so we're both pretty selfish and self-absorbed, but she'll still try to maintain face because she does really wants people to like her and to see that she's a good person. I think popularity and being liked is really important to her. She doesn't handle competition well but needs to be admired so she'll either surround herself with people she can overshadow, or brag. Her dad is quite similar in that where they'll exaggerate stories (or even blatantly lie) to seem interesting and to get a sense of admiration out of others. She likes attention but wants it in the right way - she's not an attention whore for the sake of being that, but instead she wants to be popular in a very conventional way. Controversy is not her thing at all and it makes her uncomfortable.
She can definitely put aside her feelings about situations that bother her and will make amends quite publicly to display that she's the bigger person. She's a lot better than I am at pretending to like someone she hates - I think civil is the correct word here? I don't think it's necessarily conflict aversion because she gets into fights with people quite a bit and is bold enough to call them out quite openly.
I know in high school she was kind of a queen bee, but as she got older she began keeping her distance because most people aren't worth her time. She's dumped boyfriends because they weren't someone to brag to the world about. She is very sweet towards those closest to her however, but it always seems from a point of distance, and I'm not really sure how many people she's actually close to. Sometimes I get the feeling she's very lonely but I don't know if that's accurate or if I just feel that way because I really can't relate to her or understand her at all.
On her own she's often directionless and not really ambitious, but she does seem to prize security and status to a very high degree. She only drives a certain kind of car brand, she's pretty big into clothing labels and purse brands, and often talks about social class, possessions, etc. Her in-laws are fairly well off and she likes to emphasize that and their standing within the community. Beyond that I wouldn't say she has the same cutthroat thing that a lot of the other women in our family have and doesn't really seem to need to plant her flag into anything major. As long as she has her status thing, I don't think she's really the type A freakshows quite a few of us are.
I used to think she was really confident with herself but now I don't know if that's accurate. Maybe it's because I was younger and I was much more shy back then, but she has been able to open up a little if I make fun of myself. I'm really self-deprecating and joke at my own expense a lot, which seems to make her relax a little bit and feel more natural. Either way, she's quite controlled and manages her emotions and reaction well, behaving quite appropriately (unless provoked, at which point all hell breaks loose). She's gorgeous and she's gotten a lot of attention from guys, and as long as he lives up to her standards she'll feel flattered, otherwise she won't acknowledge it at all.
I'm pretty certain she exhibits a lot of Se but that's about as much as I get from her. I can't even really decide if she's introverted or extroverted really beyond that. Would you guys be able to help me with this? I do apologize if a lot of it sounds negative...I've tried to not let my perception cloud this, but that's where I've always seen her from so I don't think my view is the most accurate of her. Any help would be appreciated.