Ah, this is insightful. Yes, that might be it. I can really like some FJs, but I do click more readily with FPs. The emotional honesty aspect is a big thing for me.
It's great that you shared this line of thought of yours. It helped me think about other things in a different perspective.
I remember you once saying that you had an ENFJ friend who could go around connecting with anyone. I don't remember what you said exactly, but I am going to use that as a launching point to highlight the 2nd option in the polls. People like this (the ENFJ) can look like they are sharing a deep heart-to-heart with a person/friend/family member/whoever, but the truth is that the ENFJ doesn't consider that sharing deep. They aren't truly connecting and probably doesn't feel like the person can "get" them.
It's like ...on the surface, it looks like they have found a mate that really gets them because they are showing external signs of connection because both parties involved are being super sharing/expressive with each other, but it doesn't work that way for a certain set of people ...as they "express" more hidden signs of connection.
I also tend to fall into this pattern. This is the pattern I was thinking of when I wrote the 2nd option. People often tell me I am genuine (well, yeah... I am frank, like [MENTION=15392]Cellmold[/MENTION] says. I'll tell you my deepest thoughts) and this can make them feel like they have connected with me and that I've connected with them because I am 10000% okay with them sharing their deepest aspects with me as well. My "lack of connection" has nothing to do with nervousness/uncomfortableness with the person. I just haven't felt "it" with that person ...even as I am telling them about deep things that society has deemed okay to share with someone you have a deep connection to.
Of course, if someone is sharing and you're made to feel weird about it or are judged negatively about it ...then no one will find that to be a good experience, but if a lack of connection is due to that ...then that's what I was getting at in the first option. My E4 friend is the definitely the 1st option. She'll connect/have a deep connection with anyone who is willing to be philosophical with her and let her have the conversations she wants and respond positively to that. Provided, that is still rare for her (especially since it is rare for humans to be analytical/think critically).
She has even said that it's not a specific person that matters, it's the kind of conversation she is having. She obviously won't connect with those who tell her that her interests/thoughts are weird and won't entertain her on the things she wants to talk about. It's the main reason she doesn't connect with her family ...it's because her family are not the type of people who talk about "deep" things and always wonder why she wants to thinks/talks about "that" stuff. If her family was more open/willing/wanting to have those conversations she would feel more connected with them. That is what I meant by the first option (and she was the inspiration for this thread AND the first option lol).
For that E4, there is a "conversation formula" that only works if the other person also wants to have those deep conversations and not think of her as weird/abnormal. Because of her, I realized that I didn't relate to that way of connecting.