Tallulah
Emerging
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2008
- Messages
- 6,009
- MBTI Type
- INTP
Hi, folks. Here's a real-life issue I need help with. I have a bandmate who's an ENFP. When he took the test, he came out ENTP, but the more interaction we've had as a band reveals that he's definitely Ne-Fi. Which explains why he clashes with our ENFJ lead singer in the way they approach things sometimes.
Most of the time we all get along great, but there are times when we clash, and it hinders our ability to progress as a band the way we'd like to. Right now, we need him to do something specific. There are several songs on which he needs to watch dynamics--he'll run roughshod over the softer parts, or he won't play aggressively enough on certain heavier songs. He's a great guitarist, though, and we value him and tell him how great he is on a regular basis.
He's very sensitive to criticism, though, and seems to stiffen a bit when he's asked to look at anything in a rehearsal situation. He tends to pout a bit. Which I could understand, if we were saying, "STOP EFFING THINGS UP!" But we're not...we ask him to work on that specific part, and we take care to phrase things carefully.
BUT, I'm wondering if we maybe just don't know how to address him in a way that validates him in the language he'd like to hear. The ENFJ and I are Fe-ers, and we say things the way we'd like to hear them because we don't know any differently. So I'm wondering if changing the tone or the wording would help him not to feel like asking him to work on something is saying that he's not a great guitarist or something.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Most of the time we all get along great, but there are times when we clash, and it hinders our ability to progress as a band the way we'd like to. Right now, we need him to do something specific. There are several songs on which he needs to watch dynamics--he'll run roughshod over the softer parts, or he won't play aggressively enough on certain heavier songs. He's a great guitarist, though, and we value him and tell him how great he is on a regular basis.
He's very sensitive to criticism, though, and seems to stiffen a bit when he's asked to look at anything in a rehearsal situation. He tends to pout a bit. Which I could understand, if we were saying, "STOP EFFING THINGS UP!" But we're not...we ask him to work on that specific part, and we take care to phrase things carefully.
BUT, I'm wondering if we maybe just don't know how to address him in a way that validates him in the language he'd like to hear. The ENFJ and I are Fe-ers, and we say things the way we'd like to hear them because we don't know any differently. So I'm wondering if changing the tone or the wording would help him not to feel like asking him to work on something is saying that he's not a great guitarist or something.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!