What say yee on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship?
Is it a negative thing, a positive thing?
Is it an indication of faltering self esteem or insecurity?
Does it show they truly care about you?
Does it show that they don't trust you to be faithful?
What does jealousy in a partner say to you?
I am kind of late to this thread, and I've not read most of it, so pardon me if this has already been mentioned...
Evolutionary psychologists theorize that jealousy is a result of our biological urge to reproduce and raise viable offspring:
Men more commonly feel sexual jealousy because the more men with whom a woman has sexual relations, the less likely a particular men in that set is to conceive a child with her. Thus more men in the equation is a threat to one man's reproductive success.
Women more commonly feel emotional jealousy because humans are more biologically successful when offspring are cared for by 2 parents, rather than one. A man's emotional intimacy with another woman shows that he may be interested in being another woman's partner, and in [potential] mother's eyes, this is a threat to the parental partnership that is necessary to optimize offspring viability.
Therefore, considering that love is a complex, psychological manifestation of our more simple [conscious or unconscious] biological urge to reproduce, I'd say that jealousy is embedded within the concept of love.
There is a difference between jealousy and paranoia, however. Paranoia is an unfounded apprehension, some times to the point of delusion, that fuels jealousy. Paranoia is not healthy and shows signs of emotional insecurity and/or unstable relationship conditions (lack of trust, limited communication, etc.). Jealousy, however, is healthy, as it shows that relationships are on the path towards love.
In my current relationship, paranoia-fueled jealousy is basically inexistent. If boyfriend is with another woman, talking to her, hanging out with her, etc., then I'm very unlikely to extrapolate from that behavior that he will also want to be intimate with her; I'd see this as unreasonably fearful on my part. However, if boyfriend is intimately cuddling on the couch with another woman while watching a movie, then I'd see a threat to my position as his partner, and jealousy would kick in.
Finding a threat in completely platonic situations that show no sign of intimacy is a form of paranoia-fueled jealousy. Finding a threat where there are explicit signs of intimacy is a reasonable spot for jealousy to kick in. The latter will most likely be felt when the desire to have a prolonged relationship with someone is in the equation.
For me, jealousy does not become a possibility until I develop intimate feelings towards someone; friends-with-benefits situations are sans jealousy. I take jealousy as a sign that I am actually starting to develop tender feelings for a friend.