I've been studying the enneagram obsessively lately, but I still can't figure out my instinctual variants. I feel like I am dominant in all of them and deficient in all of them at the same time. I think it's because I'm a type 9; I relate to everything!
I'm also really confused about how sx manifests itself in 9s. The descriptions of sx-lasts sound a lot like the characteristics of unhealthy 9s. Here's a description I found:
"subvert the fiery energy. Tamping down the fire. Procrastinate, don’t honor your passion, hard to act on the passion—postpone. Avoid anything stimulating. Inertia. Fear of being a boring person and amazed that someone wants to spend time with you. Afraid of having no juice."
I experience some of the things above, especially the procrastination, inertia, and fearing that I am boring, yet I'm not sure if I'm really an sx last because I do tend to chase after intensity. I'm drawn towards things and people I feel will make me passionate because I feel like I am completely lacking in passion. I'm attracted to larger than life personalities and over- the top art, but I am far from over the top or larger than life. I am even-keeled but love the melodramatic. When I first discovered the enneagram I reeeaaally wanted to be a 4 because it just sounded like the most appealing type to me. I'm a paradox!
So what does this mean? Am I an sx last looking to fill the things I feel deficient in, or are these just typical 9ish traits and I'm completely misunderstanding instinctual variants?
I'm also really confused about how sx manifests itself in 9s. The descriptions of sx-lasts sound a lot like the characteristics of unhealthy 9s. Here's a description I found:
"subvert the fiery energy. Tamping down the fire. Procrastinate, don’t honor your passion, hard to act on the passion—postpone. Avoid anything stimulating. Inertia. Fear of being a boring person and amazed that someone wants to spend time with you. Afraid of having no juice."
I experience some of the things above, especially the procrastination, inertia, and fearing that I am boring, yet I'm not sure if I'm really an sx last because I do tend to chase after intensity. I'm drawn towards things and people I feel will make me passionate because I feel like I am completely lacking in passion. I'm attracted to larger than life personalities and over- the top art, but I am far from over the top or larger than life. I am even-keeled but love the melodramatic. When I first discovered the enneagram I reeeaaally wanted to be a 4 because it just sounded like the most appealing type to me. I'm a paradox!
So what does this mean? Am I an sx last looking to fill the things I feel deficient in, or are these just typical 9ish traits and I'm completely misunderstanding instinctual variants?