Hello. I'm new here, but not new to MBTI....
This is about INFPs, but of course, all types are warmly invited to reply. With this being said, I would be particularly grateful to any INFPs who share an opinion that comes from inside the situation that I'm talking about here.
have you also asked this over at infpgc? there are very few infps here and many here are pretty hateful towards infps at times; so unless you just want affirmation of your bigotry, you might do better to ask at infpgc, esp if you really do want infp responses.
This situation is really about INFPs who appear to contribute to, develop and ultimately champion toxic work environments.
i have been in a lot of toxic work environments but they were all toxic when i arrived, and all i ever did was leave them--infps don't have armor like most of the other types and especially "Js"--most of the toxic environments i have been in have been "J" dominate environments.
What I've seen -- from the outide, though (if I may say so) like most INFJs I do tend to introject with unintentional clarity -- is the following formula:
1. An INFP becomes unhappy with how they are being engaged by their workplace. Specifically, an INFP feels that they aren't being appreciated for their unique talents and potential. This can express itself personally, in the INFP not being able to 'do' what they want to do, or it can express itself more abstractly, in the INFP not being able to 'be' what they want to be.
how do you know the person you have in mind is an infp? i find that most people seem to confuse the isfps/isfjs in their midst with infps--chances are that any infp in your organization has barely spoken to you or to anyone else there, except to say hello and goodbye and have a nice weekend.
actually, what you describe sounds like an intp to me, they get subversive pretty easily and tend to be snarky in general--infp tend to be hyper-conscientious, we go above and beyond, even when we are suffering, until we get sick or depressed or lash out, and at that point you never see us again. we internalize all the negativity around us--taking responsibility for it and often blaming our selves.
2. This INFP starts to "test workplace boundaries." This starts out small and pedestrian, such as being a few minutes late for work, and if unmet by some entity that the INFP considers an authority (maybe a manager, maybe not), grows into overt, stark insubordination.
again this sounds like an intp to me. we don't "test." we do or we don't do. and if we aren't doing, we usually have already quit. we might try to get our hours changed or get transferred to a new assignment, but we just ask that is all, or we try to ignore it and try to avoid the people causing us stress--only those closest to us will know we that we are upset about it and then they will wish we would shut up about it already =)
BTW why do you feel it is wrong for someone to raise, with someone who has the power to change things, an issue they are having about where they spend most of their waking hours?--that actually seems pretty positive and constructive to me. it is almost like you seem to believe that just questioning the status quo is a sin in itself.
3. This INFP, unhappy with the quality of feedback they're getting from #2 (this can range from neglect to a continued unwillingness by others to see the INFP as unique/special), starts to *actively convert other people* into a General State of Misery (GSOM). This is especially noticed when new people enter the work environment; they are swiftly recruited by the INFP and told, in absolute terms, that life in that work environment is living hell.
infps are "NPs," like all "NPs" we need data or we go nuts--i had trouble with the lack of feedback i was getting where i work now--i asked for information to fill in the gaps, so as not to jump to the wrong conclusions--why is that wrong?
you see infps latching immediately onto complete strangers? and gossiping?
that seems more like angry, cliquish "sj" behavior to me. the day i tried to quit last week, i simply walked in and handed my keys to the secretary--she had asked me several times over the weeks if i was "ok," to which i said as always, "yeah, i'm fine thanks" followed by a big smile. that day she wanted to know what happened and i just repeatedly said that i didn't fit in and that nothing had happened.
a person i cared for greatly used to joke that even if he was up a tree with a noose around his neck, he'd still say he was fine if anyone asked. that is me to a "T." infps feel deeply but we don't share our feelings easily.
4. This INFP becomes the "anti-INFP" -- maybe like a very, very, very unhealthy ISTP. The only word I have for this is 'toxic', and it fits: whatever they attach themselves to becomes corrupted, polluted, destructive and unhealthy.
sigh, i am so sick of hearing this crap. why is it that any bad, ill, unhealthy, person is automatically labeled "infp?" did it ever occur to you that the person in question was an istp for fucks sake?
I realize that the INFPs reading this may be growing angrier by the sentence. I apologize for this. Please understand that I'm hyper-sensitive (as I think most INFs are) to 'bullshit questions' -- questions that are simply vulgar, cowardly attempts to make statements (i.e. asking "why can't people be nicer" really means: "people aren't as nice as me.").
yeah, i do think this is exactly what this is--i work in a IxxJ dominated environment--it is the most toxic environment i have ever had the misfortune to work in and that includes the top ten law school i attended (which was ExxJ dominated).
"NFPs" are by and large, live and let live people, but basically what you are complaining about is that an infp is going around trying to subvert and overthrow your rigid little "J" environment...
well, maybe your environment needs to be overthrown, maybe your environment does suck, and maybe you are actually the one creating the toxicity?
i work with an infj and i can say that almost all of the negative crap i read on these boards attributed to infps, is really infj behavior--chances are you don't even have a clue who the infps in your environment are unless we tell you.
and if one of us is acting out in the presence of strangers than something is seriously wrong, either s/he suffering severe personal issues (and i mean diagnosable issues and in is need of professional attention) or the environment we are in really is super toxic to the point we can't function.
My question is authentic and based on a great deal of painful interaction with INFPs who have (if I may say so, empathetically), "gone bad." INFPs who have...reacted to what they perceive is a negative, trapped situation.
well, maybe the situation really is negative and bad, but since in most places in the world you have to work to eat (esp here in the US), people in those situations really are trapped, quite literally, which makes the situation even worse.
My question, ultimately, is this: can one, many or ALL of you tell me what's happening here? What is going on inside this situation? Obviously, there has to be an interiour depth that I can't access, regardless of my intent, motivation, or whatever. I have my own baggage and obstacles.
my answer is to deal with your own baggage first before judging others and badmouthing them and blaming them for all the problems. even if you are right in your assessment, until you deal with yourself it won't make any difference anyway.
you will never access the interior depth of the infp, we only let people in we trust deeply--i certainly wouldn't let someone in who i can tell despises me.
I'm not claiming -- though it may seem so, because of the way in which an internet forum is structures -- that all INFPs do what I've described above.
I'm simply saying that I've experienced this several times -- more than I would consider typical -- and I'd like to know, as much as can be conveyed in words in a forum -- what's happening inside.
if you have experienced this several times, and you know for a fact you are dealing with infps, then i suggest that you are probably the source of the problem--your behavior and communication style must be deeply disturbing to the infps you have come into contact with, so much so that you cause them enough stress that they act out, which is rare for us outside of our closest circle.
if you behave at all like the female infj where i work, it is because you are a hyper-judgmental and hyper-regimented. you believe that your way of doing things is the only way, not just the best way, and certainly not just your way; and your displeasure with your infp oozzess out of you, like a miasma, which the infp picks up on, and is suffocated by--and probably without knowing why you are unahppy with him/her, because you won't say anything directly to the infp, you will just gossip about him/her to all your other "J" co-workers/bosses, and then act shocked when the infp asks is there is something s/he is doing that is bothering you--and then come on line saying your Fe can't handle those crazy infps.
Ultimately ultimately, my meta-motive is selfish. I'm hoping that someone will say something, and an understanding within me will shift and open up, so that I can STOP HATING THESE INFPs. I want to let go the resentment, and dealing directly with the INFPs who have inspired this post isn't possible at this time.
well there's your problem right there--why do you think that people you hate, will skip around, showering you with flower petals or not be able to pick up on (and resent or be disturbed by) the fact that you hate them? i promise that you really know almost nothing about the infps you work with no matter how well you think you know them (we share nothing--even if you have known us for years, you probably know nothing about us but trivia). hating people is pretty fucked up BTW.
dealing directly is the only way, just talk to the infp (however this will only work if you are willing to listen and take your share of the blame)--so start by looking in the mirror and owning the part you play in the problem (though i still believe that you are not dealing with an infp).