So, INFJs - these things which make us uniquely 'INFJ', I'm curious how you look at them.
For example: (and granted, these are generalizations - not blanket statements)
• We tend to shun direct confrontation
• We usually don’t have tons of friends – rather we have a few chosen comrades
• We often live in a fantasy world – the fantasy world allows us to explore possibilities
• We hate talking on the phone and would rather text
check, check, CHECK, check
INFJs, I think, deep down want to get out, but our ‘weaknesses’ trip us up along the way and we grow content with the status quo, content with our books and music, content with ‘this is just the way I am, and why the hell should I have to change? I’m an INFJ dammit!’.
hmm. i don't see my infj characteristics as weaknesses. deep down
i don't really want to get out all that much. okay, sometimes i DO, and i do, but, you know, it's never as much fun as i might have built up in my mind, and i've learned it's just ok to WANT to stay home and be happy in that. others would go crazy--my friends love to go to hear live music (and i do too
after i'm there), or to a fun town nearby, or to a random movie; and for them to stay home would be torture. they're constantly running around doing 'fun' things.
So do you think our tendency to hold back is what makes us who we are or do you think it’s just one area in our INFJ-ness that needs to be developed, a character defect, if you will…
my tendency to hold back IS who i am, and i am okay with that. i embrace that.
because
i am here and my friends know it. i am at my maximum potential when i am taking care of my family, yes, but i have many close friendships i nurture on a regular (every few weeks) basis, and they are almost as important to me. in fact, before i even knew about mbti or my personality, i would tell my close friends that what i invisioned at this point in my life was just being a good wife, mother, and friend. most of the time that means i go to my friends' home or (usually) my friends come here, and they treasure that, and call me when they need to work through a problem or whatever--need a listener.
Here's another example:
Male INFJ. Wants to join conversation at the party. Decides not to partially because he can't feel the flow of the conversation and find a spot to jump in and thinks even if he did jump in, what he had to say wouldn't be received as he hopes. So he writes it off saying, "Meh... I'm in INFJ.. this isn't my cup of tea anyway" and so he ends up staying quiet, not joining in the conversation, despite that being the VERY thing he wants to do.
Is this an example of a true INFJ, or an INFJ that's blaming his weakness on being an INFJ?
if i go to a party, i find that i do latch on to one or two people i feel comfortable with or click with, and try to have a meaningful conversation with them of some sort. i CAN mingle well, but i prefer not too as it's draining for me. i am not an extrovert so i know i will not be the life of the party, but i do not expect myself to be, beyond making a bold entrance, which i kinda like to do. i like the excitement of hanging back and wondering who will give me the vibe, or who's energy i'll pick up on, and if that will be a surprising find, as in someone i wouldn't ordinarily talk to.
i totally understand what you're saying in the above paragraph. i think we feel the urge to jump in because we are picking up on the flow and reading the people, and sincerely enjoying the moment, and have immense thoughts and feelings flying all about our heads and bodies. but i do believe being a true infj keeps us from jumping in there. what is the big deal anyway? if we don't jump in there, we are still part of the conversation. the
listening part, which can be more fascinating. if we do jump in there, it usually falls flat, right? it just does. okay, maybe we'll get lucky and our moment will be amazing, but then it will pass and we won't be able to sustain it for the most part, and we'll skulk back into the crowd hopefully unnoticed......haha. you know what i mean?
i think you are an awesome infj trying to make yourself into an enfj, estp, estj, ? or something like that.
are you finding it hard to be patient and to be a true infj because you feel like you can't meet women that way? that the women flock to the 'life of the party,' or more extroverted men, and that your normal activities aren't condusive to meeting interesting women?
be wary of becoming someone you are not. i think it is healthy to stretch oneself in an acitivities-oriented way, like, learning how to scuba dive even if you've always been afraid of water, for example. but forcing yourself to act in a way that goes against your intuition --our specialty function--is just driving you further from who you really are.
any excuse to use the smokin smilie!