ExAstrisSpes
New member
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2010
- Messages
- 337
- MBTI Type
- ENFJ
The Good:
He's very intelligent, and we can have long, meandering conversations. I really <3 listening to his theories. It took a little while to get him to let me in on his theories, though. I still don't think he gives me the whole story on quite a few of his theories. I feel sad that he thinks I'm just humoring him.
He's generous and kind. When he's affectionate it's very pure and sweet. He always wants to ensure I'm enjoying myself when I'm with him.
He's open-minded; he's very interested in learning new things and having new experiences. I really like that. If I don't understand something that he does, I feel comfortable to ask him and not be treated like an idiot.
He's witty and funny, I'm always smiling and laughing when I'm with him.
Our relationship is relatively low-drama. It's very stress-relieving for me to be around him.
He doesn't demand me to be a certain way.
When we're together, I feel like he's with me and involved with me 100%. I feel like we really are a team and we work well together.
The few times when we've had conflicts, we've been able to work them out in a healthy way that is fair to both partners. I really love this about our relationship.
He's very positive and encouraging; once I was working next to him on my laptop (he was playing Wii or watching a movie) and I messed something up and called myself an idiot or stupid. He turned to me and very pointedly said, "You're not stupid," which made me stop and realize what I was doing.
The Bad:
He rarely calls. Even when he's on vacation, he never calls. I've asked him several times (not nagging), that I would like to hear from him when we're apart. Maybe I haven't articulated to him why in a way that he understands. He has said this has been a problem for him in past relationships. If this is the worst thing I have to deal with in this relationship, I count myself very lucky.
Related to the not-calling thing, I feel that when we are apart, I'm not on his mind at all. Or rather, my thoughts, emotions, etc. don't matter. It's like he's literally taking the phrase "it's better to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission". I'm very easy going, and yet I feel like he makes decisions like these because he thinks I'm going to overreact when he brings them up so he waits until it's past time for me to have any sort of input or comment on whatever decision it is. Because of this, I feel like I don't matter to him all that much and that my feelings aren't important to him. I do try to explain why his behavior was hurtful and he apologizes and says that he can see my point-of-view (or that his behavior wasn't fair to me), but I don't really see his behavior changing on this point. I don't think he is malicious or goes out with the intent of hurting me, but at some point he realizes his behavior is hurtful. It's like he doesn't realize he's in a relationship unless he's physically with me. Maybe he doesn't want to be in one with me?
Because of his P, his behavior can sometimes be really puzzling to me. Even though we have a good relationship, and I think we manage conflicts just fine, I never quite get to the place where I feel our relationship is very secure. I hope this will change with time. He's said off-hand that we are in a committed, long-term relationship, but I don't feel like we're solid. This might just be a P/J thing.
He's very intelligent, and we can have long, meandering conversations. I really <3 listening to his theories. It took a little while to get him to let me in on his theories, though. I still don't think he gives me the whole story on quite a few of his theories. I feel sad that he thinks I'm just humoring him.
He's generous and kind. When he's affectionate it's very pure and sweet. He always wants to ensure I'm enjoying myself when I'm with him.
He's open-minded; he's very interested in learning new things and having new experiences. I really like that. If I don't understand something that he does, I feel comfortable to ask him and not be treated like an idiot.
He's witty and funny, I'm always smiling and laughing when I'm with him.
Our relationship is relatively low-drama. It's very stress-relieving for me to be around him.
He doesn't demand me to be a certain way.
When we're together, I feel like he's with me and involved with me 100%. I feel like we really are a team and we work well together.
The few times when we've had conflicts, we've been able to work them out in a healthy way that is fair to both partners. I really love this about our relationship.
He's very positive and encouraging; once I was working next to him on my laptop (he was playing Wii or watching a movie) and I messed something up and called myself an idiot or stupid. He turned to me and very pointedly said, "You're not stupid," which made me stop and realize what I was doing.
The Bad:
He rarely calls. Even when he's on vacation, he never calls. I've asked him several times (not nagging), that I would like to hear from him when we're apart. Maybe I haven't articulated to him why in a way that he understands. He has said this has been a problem for him in past relationships. If this is the worst thing I have to deal with in this relationship, I count myself very lucky.
Related to the not-calling thing, I feel that when we are apart, I'm not on his mind at all. Or rather, my thoughts, emotions, etc. don't matter. It's like he's literally taking the phrase "it's better to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission". I'm very easy going, and yet I feel like he makes decisions like these because he thinks I'm going to overreact when he brings them up so he waits until it's past time for me to have any sort of input or comment on whatever decision it is. Because of this, I feel like I don't matter to him all that much and that my feelings aren't important to him. I do try to explain why his behavior was hurtful and he apologizes and says that he can see my point-of-view (or that his behavior wasn't fair to me), but I don't really see his behavior changing on this point. I don't think he is malicious or goes out with the intent of hurting me, but at some point he realizes his behavior is hurtful. It's like he doesn't realize he's in a relationship unless he's physically with me. Maybe he doesn't want to be in one with me?
Because of his P, his behavior can sometimes be really puzzling to me. Even though we have a good relationship, and I think we manage conflicts just fine, I never quite get to the place where I feel our relationship is very secure. I hope this will change with time. He's said off-hand that we are in a committed, long-term relationship, but I don't feel like we're solid. This might just be a P/J thing.