Yeah but I've avoided type 9 for forever because i don't feel conflict avoident and i feel like i have pretty defined sense of self...i don't feel like i have any doormat tendencies
Well, yeah. 9s don't feel like they're doormats at all. It was worse in my case, as I'm an INTJ, and I very much go my own way ... EXCEPT when I care about someone ... THEN I don't want to confront that turmoil of emotions.
ughh...boyfriend issues yet again...his type 4 shit is a lot. so i was reading about it and holy shit it was accurate. completely inconsistent emotionally. ughh
Been there. Done that.
Interestingly, in the stats you can google on 9 relationships, one not-very-scientific study (lots of potential selection effects) observed that 9s were married to 8s most often, and the next most often were the type 4s. I would imagine the 9/4 dynamic is that 9 can actually put up with the 4's drama better than most. But yes. Ugh.
so i read 9...and really all was able to see how it was a closer fit....i relate to aspects of both but if i am a 7 i'd be like on health level one and have always been pretty healthy...but when reading 9 i could see that i'm often very healthy but could also relate to the lower levels of health...or realize how things could end up that way if i weren't careful. which to me makes more sense that one should be able to relate to all of it....
Yes, the health levels are the key. Being a "very healthy" version of any type should be rare.
and....i do feel very happy most times...but it is more sort of serene then elated.
Exactly.
i do feel like i merge with people...a lot.. i felt that was just sxness..
i don't get bored with people any more than i get bored with myself...because people become parts of me...
I think that's more sx-ness or even Ne-Fi-ness. I'm sp/so and don't feel like that at all.
i don't feel like i bend to people but maybe i do?? if i really look at it...maybe i really fucking do??
Yep.
That was part of why I didn't initially identify with 9. The other thing to keep in mind that while people with particular personality traits tend to have the type 9 hope/fear patterns more often than those with other personality traits, having trait A or trait B does not indicate one's type reliably. You have to look at the hope/fear patterns to have a firm conclusion of type, just as I believe that you have to have a good understanding of "how you think" in order to know your MBTI with a high degree of certainty.
I think this is why so many people CAN bend to people and really don't mind doing so, as they don't realize they're doing it.
I also think this is perhaps because we (quite ironically) bend to people in order to MAINTAIN CONTROL. We aren't saying, "Yeah, I don't care about my desires," but rather we are chasing a particular desire: the desire to have that calm feeling of peace within ourselves. Anger feels out of control, peace feels in control. We feel like we're not sweating the small stuff. When someone appears to be deliberately provoking us, we feel like, "Ah ha! You thought you could make me angry, but you failed. Nyeah nyeah!"
The problem isn't this peace-seeking attitude overall - it's the anger-ignoring attitude. The anger doesn't get dealt with. To use a chess analogy, we feel like we're simply protecting the king when we sidestep issues. But we aren't AWARE - sometimes we're protecting the queen, not the king, because the queen is so important, too. The queen represents our anger. If we protect ourselves from our anger, that means we aren't USING our anger in a productive way. Like with protecting the queen, once we realize we really need to be angry, it's far too late, and it's about 3 moves to checkmate. 9s need to learn to show anger productively sooner, and not automatically default to the peaceful attitude.
like get up and clean my house when I'm mad?
uh huh
I don't clean house, but yeah, I don't confront while I'm FEELING angry at all. When forum stuff makes me angry, I just set it aside until I'm not angry. That's why most of my posts seem so calm and measured, and people are surprised if I apply any harshness at all.
My personal weakness as a 9 isn't so much things like the forum, or work, or anywhere I've developed a lot of strengths which give me the confidence to be forceful when I need to be. But if I lack confidence, e.g., in a relationship, I'm much more likely to back off when I should probably confront.