I always get the impression that 8's can't self soothe by themselves or perhaps that's something that comes later in life.
Or perhaps not at all. I need external factors to soothe my emotions and anger--I don't quite control it on my own. I can control how I display it--and when--about 95% of the time now. A vast improvement from younger years. 3 years shy of 30, I still need to do physical activity on a regular basis for *spiritual* health, not just physical health, to keep my emotions in check.. and I usually deal with anger and emotions by venting them until I am physically exhausted, or bottling them up and letting the steam off little by little, until I calm down and can accept those external influences.
It's definitely time based, the latter option that I tend to use for less extreme anger. You can apologize, be supportive, talk it out all you want--and I appreciate it--but until that steam all releases from the jar you'll have a hot kettle. After I cool off, I'll generally feel pretty bad about being so mad in the first place, and not being very rational and logical to the people around me, and I'll look for ways I could have fixed it and why it was at least partly my responsibility so that I regain some emotional control. During those times is when it is best to talk to me.. but leaving me alone without request isn't necessarily better for me either.
With no means of self soothing that may trigger a fear of dependency which can only be met in an intimate relationship. I'm surrounded by 8's in my immediate family and among my friends and I find that when they are raging in their hell there's nothing that can soothe them or diminish whatever internal pain they're experiencing. In my experience after the rage comes a sulky period where if you are careful there are entry points for caring and affection to penetrate which is what the 8 seems to want and need.
I'm not positive about the intimate part--unless you include platonic and more mean close--but definitely yes. It heavily influences my extroversion. I'm just like a big beast.. I go throw a tantrum, and when I'm exhausted and just cannot be on the guard afterwards, and it lets all the zoo keepers come in and be nice. Eventually I'll get used to those keepers.. and eventually I'll learn to depend on them.
One of the biggest blows to my life in recent years was the fall of my best friend. She WAS my best friend--and although we're still close, she no longer is.. she had no desire to fulfill that role anymore. She wasn't quite honest with me until I approached her about it, and then it was all on the table.. and while I saw it coming, I felt really lost on who my secrets and conversations go to now. I don't quite have all the pieces picked up.. and that really sucks, because my venting is all messed up and I get irritated at everything so much easier not knowing where I'll go.
I currently have someone I've nominated my 'new' best friend, and I'm lucky he's so supportive of me, and having a fairly stable relationship right now is helping a ton.. I can feel my temper and inflexibility staving off, and it's allowing my more bubbly and energetic temperament to shine through more frequently with each week.
The problem I come across with being 100% with an SO is that it wears and tears on them--and I know it does. On top of that.. no one wants to be that ugly to an SO. Or, sometimes the SO is the root of the anger! And while it's very important to talk it over, you don't really desire to go through the venting and saying stupid things phase with them either. There has to be someone else there to vent to.. there's gotta be another go-to guy or gal. I think men make this mistake a lot.. because many times they have male best friends and they lack an emotional connection that is required to vent properly. Stereotypically speaking, men are notorious for putting all of their emotional needs onto the female, while the female spreads out her emotional needs into categories and circles.