Ah at INTJc they talked about actually sometimes making facial gestures and such. And whole conversations with yourselves?
That's basically the deal. I think your Se insight is key ... we can be in our Ni world, totally, and Se shows our reactions to it for all the world to see. It's one reason we get so tired, socially. Randomly saying things, laughing at jokes one makes to oneself, and all of that just doesn't play well in the real world. Alone, or with those we trust, we can let it flow, but in public, the self-control
has to snap into place, because we don't want to be regarded as silly or crazy.
Also-what is your typical perspective of ISTJs? My favorite ISTJ just got utterly screwed via the judgment of an INTJ. Trying to understand why.
I find that they're easy to get along with, in a nice predictable way. I don't think I've ever had any such person in a position to give me trouble, so I don't have a list of things I don't like about the type. To me, they seem like INTJs at first glance, and then I have to delve to determine S/N.
There is something very legitimate here. You have to just hold my hand and trust me, I cant convince you of the below, just explain my observations and have you understand they may be highly subjective.
I cheated with Fe when I was terribly depressed and found myself terribly flawed. I found I could find Fe. Not just brush it or use it in a shadow sense but really deeply fall into it and quench Fi. I spent a couple of weeks doing this. I could do it now if I tried-meaning actual hard work honestly, like 30 minutes of meditation-but it makes me a different person. I JUDGE things differently. The world looks different.
One thing I noticed. When conversing with Fe users my mind would use different sets of words-very soft pleasing words, group words. I didnt decide to do this-it just happened. But at the end of each sentence I would complete the thought in my head and ascribe motivations or harsher judgments to the person talking. "Spoken: Now we will all work as a team (Unspoken: Because bob didnt really complete his work)"
With Fe users this works amazingly well. Suddenly I felt like I was hearing pieces of conversations I had never heard before. It was really nice to "fit in" and not feel like I was a social outcast. I "understood" the unspoken social rules.
Once while playing with Fe I found myself talking to an ISTJ at work. Good guy.
He was talking to me about my best friend. He said " Well SL has a list of things to do and really needs to get to work on that project" In my mind I found myself completing his sentence with a very harsh judgment "because she is incompetent at her job". I started to internally become very cold towards him and withdraw (the Fe shrug)-then realized the issue. I Fe'd into his phrase. He, as an ISTJ, said EXACTLY what he meant. I read motive into his phrasing which was more harsh than his spoken words.
This is so subjective and so cheated that I cant assume it it is a universal thing-but the observations felt very real.
Fe users always comment that ENFPs Ne into the emo states of others-part of this is not being able to see/hear these unspoken Fe conversations, yet picking up on subtle signs that we are missing some vital component of the conversation. We will jump to assuming the worst.
I think INTJs never even know they missed anything-thus plow forward.
Yes, very often, INTJs never even know they missed anything. Very very true. Even weirder for us is when we serendipitously do something "right", and we never quite know what it was ...
These days, I can read Fe signals, but I suspect it's all Te on my part, picking it up, and deriving general "objective" rules of politeness based on success and failure. In general, I focus on projecting positive emotions with Fi, which Fe appears to read as sincere good intentions. One thing I've noticed is that, in person, xxFJ gets along with me very well, if not always buddy-buddy. In only my very closest relationships (my brother, my ex-wife, both ESFJ) has it been difficult, and I think that's the N vs S aggravating the Te/Fe divide. My Mom was INFJ and we always got along. My best friend of many years is INFJ, and we "just get each other."
Online, however, it's a different story, especially on forums (and on "usenet newsgroups" back in the old days). I suspect that the online environment cripples much of the tools of Fe, so the good vibes I'm usually sending out don't get received, so if a statement of mine could be interpreted as an affront based on words alone, it is more likely to be thus interpreted.