Hello, I posted the previous thread on opposites and according to that guy's research (website
LoveType), there are gender constraints with most pairings but ISTP+ENFJ is a rare pairing that does not have gender constraints. Male ISTP + female ENFJ or female ISTP + male ENFJ are supposed to both have high rates of success. (See
LoveTypes ISTP Love Tips). In contrast, with most other types the success rates are higher when the female is the F and the male is the T (at least according to this research). For example, female INFJ + male ESTP is supposed to work but not vice versa. (This book is pretty old though, I wonder if as gender roles become more progressive, gender will be less of a factor; i.e., men and women will become more comfortable with males who are more nurturing and females who are less nurturing.)
Theoretically, I would actually picture female ISTP + male ENFJ working better, because I think that in many personality types in which feeling is in the third or fourth position, females of the type often have less of a hard edge than males of the type simply because women are typically socialized to take on some feeler traits regardless of whether they are naturally F or T. Male ISTP + female ENFJ seems like it would be a wider chasm to cross.
Having said all that, my sister is an ISTP, I'm an INFJ, and for years we fought like cats and dogs. Recently we have gotten along better but still aren't close. I'm just extroversion away from being an ENFJ, and I have a lot of trouble imagining dating someone similar to my sister, and I'm sure she'd say the same of me. ISTPs have many wonderful traits (child-like enjoyment of life, athleticism, natural curiosity, mechanical dexterity, humor, etc.), but I would picture NFs in general and ENFJs/INFJs in particular having trouble with the emotional-unavailability piece.... I'm very curious to read success stories though. Obviously it's working for some people.
One more thought -- I date an ESTP and that does work very well. That's only extroversion away from being an ISTP. So maybe for ENFJs the pieces end up falling together well for a good match with the ISTP. For ESTPs feeling is tertiary whereas for ISTPs feeling is in the fourth position (their blindspot). I know that my ESTP partner often seems baffled by other people's emotionality and sensitivity, perhaps even as baffled by those things as is my ISTP sister. But the difference is that since he's an extrovert he gets more practice playing the "feeling game" than she does. Sometimes he'll come home from work and proudly tell me about how a customer was giving a sob story about something or another and he felt very little empathy but successfully pretended to empathize. The ISTP would probably be less inclined to feign empathy for the sake of social etiquette. Also, although my ESTP has his thinker persona on most of the time, there are moments when he is a big softie and will get teary eyed at sad movies or be very romantic (tertiary feeling coming through?). I wonder if many ISTPs have similar moments? (Haven't observed anything similar with my ISTP sister, although I know that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.)