antireconciler
it's a nuclear device
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2007
- Messages
- 866
- MBTI Type
- Intj
- Enneagram
- 5w4
- Instinctual Variant
- so
Sometimes I feel like I'm being held back from "the one" because there's some terrible flaw in me that I have to fix first, and I can't, for the life of me, figure out what it is.
Some days I'm okay, really, but other days the loneliness is so bad I physically feel like my chest is caving in.
I totally know the feeling, and I have that fear too.
I think though that there is some satisfaction or relief in going with your body though, because mate-selection seems very hardwired into our thinking. It's almost like the easiest way to be happy and content being single is to be actively putting yourself in situations where you are likely to meet new people your age.
People can be quite happy single and also looking, and I think it's when you loose touch with that outgoing mate-seeking aspect of yourself that things start to look like a trap, where we are never sure if we are entirely happy being alone but feel powerless to do anything about our feelings. We are either unsatisfied and pained in loneliness, or we cling to a rather frail sense of delusion about the happiness we feel in our indifference to the whole thing.
You really have to keep in mind that the human body is thoroughly programmed for mate-selection, and it will ALWAYS be trying to hook you up. It does this relentlessly! Because that's what nature has engineered it to do. If you try to defy it you will fight a battle impossible to win. But apparently nature doesn't care that much IF you have found someone, but simply that you are putting yourself out there into novel situations and encounters. It's scary as hell, but if you can appreciate that you don't have any choice and that it is what you really want anyway, then what was just scary is now also quite exciting!
Why is it exciting and freeing? It is because that is the feeling of living in harmony with your nature, whether she ends up finding someone great for you or never does. There were never guarantees. BUT, you ARE guaranteed that happiness is never a matter of contingency. That at least is your right.